Selleck's best role was in Quigley Down Under.

BTW, George Lucas is a blight upon the movie industry. He's like a reverse king Midas. Everything he touches these days turns to sh-t. Just had to get that out there.

I've considered getting a moped or a motorcycle lately. Those get hella mileage, but the rain becomes a big problem.

How the hell do you do that?

I've lost a lot of respect for Chuck Norris lately. The jokes are funny, but only when he's not involved personally.

I think that's actually a rule for all Disney employees, about the facial hair. I remember hearing that somewhere, but they may have changed that rule.

That's the most terrifying idea ever. Giger's work is amazing, and I love his art, but I could never hang out in this bar.

I've never heard liberals use troglodyte as an insult for conservatives, and I've listened to Air America radio since it started up. You're all being super defensive in presuming that anyone who insults papa bear is attacking your political beliefs. Nothing in the whole video comes close to attacking the right wing, and yet here you are acting as if you've personally been insulted here. Back. Off. No one has insulted your beliefs, just this one asshole with his own TV show.

Failboat takes off too soon.

William "Pete" Peterson III.

There are several problems with this real but seemingly normal name.
1) there were no William Petersons, either Sr. or Jr.
2) Pete is in quotations marks on the birth certificate.
3) Peterson is not the last name of either parent.
4) William is a girl.

I can personally vouch for the authenticity of this name. The mother had several children who had to be taken from her custody, as she was schizophrenic and kept having kids. Her other children had names like Inches and Emer Gency (it came to her as if in a vision when she was on her way into the emergency room).

I wouldn't call seeing the virgin mary everywhere a tradition, more like a hobby.

Mole men.

How about, "Do unto others before they can do unto you." That's how the Iraq war happened.

I only recently played Gradius for the first time on arcade emulator, so this is a pretty fresh joke for me.

All I've ever wanted is for someone to boil my life down into a series of consumer choices, taking all joy and meaning from my life and replacing it with a series of ads. That's what comes to mind when I think of fulfillment.

Are the two at the end getting their starfish lovin' on?