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Top Ten US Generals

The following is an article from the book Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Salutes the Armed Forces. Presenting, in our humble opinion, our leading leaders of men and women at war.

1. GEORGE WASHINGTON (1732-99)

Born in Westmoreland County, Virginia, Washington grew up under the guardianship of his eldest brother. After a spotty education, he became a surveyor and eventually inherited his brother's prosperous estate, Mount Vernon. He joined the Virginia militia in 1752, advanced to major, fought during the French and Indian War (1754-60), and made it to the rank of honorary brigadier general. Washington didn't return to the battlefield until July 1775, after being appointed general by the Continental Congress.

At Cambridge, outside Boston, he took command of the disintegrating Continental Army. The American Revolutionary War-Washington energetically and skillfully revitalized the militias at Cambridge and organized them into Continental Army regiments. Using cannons borrowed from the colonies, he occupied Dorchester Heights and brilliantly forced Sir William Howe's British army to evacuate Boston and retire by sea to New York City.

Washington tried to drive the British from Ney York but failed, partly due to his own inexperience and partly due to untrained troops and clumsy subordinates. His masterful withdrawal from Long Island and Harlem Heights into New Jersey and Pennsylvania during the autumn of 1776 saved the army from extinction. General Howe captured most of New Jersey and made the mistake of believing Washington's army was militarily impotent. On the night of December 25-26, 1776, Washington's forces crossed the Delaware River in boats, drove Howe's Hessians out of Trenton, and on January 3, 1777, Washington learned that General John Burgoyne planned to invade the Hudson Valley from Canada.

Though soon hard-pressed defending Philadelphia, the national capital, he sent many of his best troops upriver and, in October, defeated the British at Saratoga. Having weakened his forces defending Philadelphia, Washington abandoned the defense of the city on September 26, forcing the Continental Congress to move west to York. Not everything went well for Washington, but he managed to contain one British force in the north while sending forces south to fight another British force under General Charles Cornwallis at Yorktown. The strategy worked, and on October 19, 1781, Cornwallis surrendered.  

What Made Him Great? Washington's unorthodox military education kept him from becoming an orthodox 18th-century general, which led to his boldness. The Continental Army never numbered more than 35,000 men, and Washington never had more than a third of it under his personal command, yet he managed to subdue, with help from the French fleet, Great Britain's professional army. Underrated by modern standards, Washington was a brilliant strategist and self-taught tactician. He also became a gifted statesman. He believed in civilian government and the rule of law, spurning attempts by his officers to make him a military dictator.

2. WINFIELD SCOTT (1786-1866)

Known as "Old Fuss and Feathers," Scott was born outside Petersburg, Virginia, and studied law until 1807, when he enlisted in a cavalry troop. At 6'5" and 250 pounds, Scott could cripple a horse-and did-so he transferred to the light artillery as a captain. Suspended briefly in 1810 for making inappropriate remarks to his superior, Scott rejoined the Army as a lieutenant colonel when the War of 1812 broke out, and led more troops into more battles in that war than any other officer. He suffered two wounds at Lundy's Lane on June 25, 1814, but 10 days later won an important victory at Chippawa, Ontario.

Raised to the rank of major general for distinguished service, Scott became a national hero. For the next 30 years, except for two trips to Europe to study military developments, Scott fought Seminole Indians in the South and Plains Indians in the West. In 1845-46, when General Zachary Taylor's battles with General Santa Anna's army in northern Mexico were inconclusive, Scott recommended to President James K. Polk an amphibious landing at Veracruz as the fastest way to conquer Mexico City. Scott planned the massive operation, and on March 9, 1847, landed near Veracruz and 18 days later captured the city.

On April 8 he began the march inland, routed Santa Anna's larger army on April 18 at Cerro Gordo, and occupied Puebla on May 15. He paused to collect supplies, resumed his advance on Mexico City on August 7, and after fighting decisive battles at Contreras, Churubusco, Molino Del Rey, and Chapultepec, captured the Mexican capital on September 14. He served as military governor there until April 22, 1848, when he returned to Washington. Promoted brevet lieutenant general in February 1855, Scott became the highest-ranking officer in the Army since George Washington.

As general-in-chief of the Army, he tried to prevent the American Civil War by counseling presidents James Buchanan and Abraham Lincoln. He sadly became what his nickname implied, "Old Fuss and Feathers," a man obsessed with strict adherence to Army red tape with the out-of-date habit of adorning his military headwear with feathers. Though physically infirm, his mind was still sharp, but he could no longer take the field and, on November 1, 1861, resigned.  

What Made Him Great? Scott left a remarkable record as a strategist, a diplomat, and a brave and skillful tactician. His Anaconda Plan for strangling the South by keeping it from its sources of supply during the Civil War was first sneered at by Union generals, but was later adopted by Lincoln, and turned out to be the overriding strategy that eventually won the war.

3. ROBERT E. LEE (1807-70)

The greatest Confederate general of the Civil War, Lee graduated from West Point in 1829, second in a class of 46, and joined the engineers. A Virginian by birth, Lee claimed that he fought for his home state more than for the Confederacy. The Mexican War-During the Mexican War, Lee served with distinction as a member of General Scott's staff at Veracruz in March 1847, and at Cerro Gordo the following month. His eye for reconnaissance and tactical improvisations led to Scott's victories reconnaissance and tactical improvisations led to Scott's victories at Churubusco, Chapultepec, and eventually to the surrender of Mexico City.

Lee worked a desk job from 1852 to 1855 as superintendent at West Point, after which he became colonel of the 2nd U.S. Cavalry and served in the Southwest until shortly before the outbreak of the Civil War. Lee was offered but rejected a top command in the Union army and resigned when Virginia seceded. On June 1, 1862, he replaced wounded General Joseph E. Johnston and took command of the Army of Northern Virginia. The Civil War-Lee became one of those rare generals who thought strategically, broadly designed his tactics, and took chances. He understood the generals of the North better than those generals understood themselves. He came up with the strategy for Major General Thomas J. "Stonewall: Jackson's Shenandoah Valley Campaign during the spring of 1862, making Jackson the most celebrated officer in the Confederacy-until he was later eclipsed by Lee.

In late June, Lee's smaller force bluffed Major General George B. McClellan's army into withdrawing, and two months later Lee outmaneuvered Major General John Pope and defeated the Army of Virginia at the Second Battle of Bull Run on August 29-30. On September 17, with a force half the size of McClellan's Army of the Potomac, Lee repulsed the Federals in a drawn battle at Antietam. After President Lincoln replaced McClellan with Major General Ambrose Burnside, Lee bloodied the massive Union army on December 13 at Fredericksburg. Lee's aggressive instincts were never more evident than at Chancellorsville. He ignored the maxims of warfare, divided his much smaller force, and on May 2-4, 1863, decimated the right flank of the Army of the Potomac with a surprise attack. But his greatest mistake occurred on July 1-3 at Gettysburg, when he was overly aggressive at a time when he should have fought defensively. He admitted the error and withdrew into Virginia.

By 1864 many of Lee's best officers had been killed and there were no more soldiers to replace those who'd been lost in battle. Forced to fight defensively, Lee held off Grant's offensive in the Battle of the Wilderness on ay5-6, at Spotsylvania on May 8-12, and repulsed the Union assault at Cold Harbor on June 3. Those battles cost Grant a third of his men, but Lee couldn't withstand the pressure and withdrew to Petersburg's trenches. It took Grant eight months to flush Lee out of Petersburg and force his surrender on April 9, 1865, at Appomattox Court House.

What Made Him Great? Lee's men adored him. In victory and defeat, they witnessed his great strength of character, his high sense of duty, and his humility and selflessness. Even Northerners accepted Lee as the greatest general of the Civil War.

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Octopus Steals Camera


(YouTube link)

Victor Huang was recording video underwater at Wahine Memorial near Wellington, New Zealand when something really strange happened.
while trying to get video of a wild octopus, it suddenly dashed towards me and rips my shiny new camera from out of my hands, then swims off, all while the camera is recording! he swam away very quickly like a naughty shoplifter. after a 5 minute chase, I placed my speargun underneath him and he quickly and curiously grabbed hold of the gun as well, giving me enough time to reach in and grab the camera from out of his mouth. I didn't feel threatened at all during the whole ordeal. he seemed to be fixated on the shiny metallic blue digital camera. the only confusing behavior was how he dashed off with it like a thief haha. cheeky octopus.

-via Metafilter

Twin Pygmy Lorises Born in Texas

Moody Gardens on Galveston Island in Texas welcomed rare twin baby pygmy lorises, a male and a female, born March 22nd. The pygmy loris is not an easy species to breed in captivity, but the twins' mother Luyen has been very attentive to the babies. The lorises will go on display to the public when a new facility is finished in 2011. See more photos and a video at Zooborns. Link -via Fark

Save the Beer!

The municipal landfill in Columbia, Missouri got a delivery of 1,500 cases of beer. To be dumped in the landfill. Really. After 700 cases were destroyed, two city employees tried to salvage as much beer as possible. They considered it a rescue operation -and a victory!
And it was a victory, one to be celebrated with say a couple truck loads of free beer, even, that is until word got back to the fun haters in the main office who are going by the book on this one and calling the beer salvaging rescue effort, which some are now calling Operation Safe Suds, a theft and possibly a matter for the police. See, because anything left at the landfill officially becomes city property, these city employees were technically stealing this beer. One of the employees has already resigned from his position and both may face criminal charges.

Treehugger considers this a tragic waste, and has posted a list of 8 Ways To Use Beer, outside of putting it in a landfill. Link

PS: According to the original news story, the beer was discarded because its expiration date had passed. The beer distributor said that doesn't mean it was unhealthy, but may begin to lose taste.

Why Athletes Are Geniuses

The brains of people who perform complex tasks such as shooting a gun or a basketball -and do it very well- are different from the average brain. While participating in their chosen sport, an athlete must constantly predict movement, analyze feedback, and make adjustments to maximize performance. A series of experiments by different scientists find that athletes' brains emit stronger alpha waves, which indicate a restful state. Also, the different parts of the athletes' brains communicate with each other better than non-athletes. The best part is that training affects the brain's anatomy!
As soon as someone starts to practice a new sport, his brain begins to change, and the changes continue for years. Scientists at the University of Regensburg in Germany documented the process by scanning people as they learned how to juggle. After a week, the jugglers were already developing extra gray matter in some brain areas. Their brains continued to change for months, the scientists found.

So there may be hope for us non-athletes after all! Link

(image credit: Flickr user Jason Permenter)

The Charity Ribbon Quiz

People often wear colored ribbons on their lapel or stick a magnet on their cars to raise awareness of a certain cause. There are a lot of ribbon colors to keep up with! In this Lunchtime Quiz from mental_floss, we'll see how well you know your charity ribbons by the color. I managed to score 80% even though I was only certain about a couple of them. See if you can beat that! Link

10 Little Known Relatives of Famous Animals

Some animal species get more press than others, but there's always more to learn about the animal kingdom. For example, you've heard of the giant squid? Its cousin, the colossal squid, is even more astounding.
Colossal squids are found in the oceans around Antarctica, and were only recently photographed alive. Measuring up to 14 meters long and weighing up to 200 kgs, it is easily the largest invertebrate in the world. It also has the largest eyes of any living animal; these eyes allow it to see in the dark, an useful ability for an animal that spends most of its life in the deepest parts of the sea. Colossal squids are powerful, formidable predators armed with eight arms and two long tentacles; unlike the giant squid, which is armed with suction cups only, the colossal squid has both suction cups AND “tiger-like claws” on its tentacles, which allows it to catch bigger prey and to defend itself against its two main enemies, the sperm whale and the giant sleeper shark, both of which can sustain serious injury while trying to attack one of these squids.

Read about more of these little-publicized species at Listverse. Link -via Look at This

Windows XP Error Music


(TBT link)

Windows errors are annoying, but if you have enough of them you can dance! From Today's Big Thing. -via b3ta


(YouTube link)

Personally, I prefer this version from a few years back that uses sounds from both Windows 98 and XP.

Signs Spotted in Libraries

The list is labeled "Passive Aggressive Library Signs", but they seem pretty straightforward and useful to me. They clearly communicate the frustration of the sign maker, and some are downright hilarious! I would love to know the story behind the sign pictured here. Link

(image credit: Flickr user rockcreek)

The Eyjafjallajökull Eruption

The Big Picture blog has some stunning images of the Eyjafjallajökull volcano in Iceland. The volcano erupted on April 3rd and spewed enough ash into the air to disrupt air travel to and from Europe. See photographs of the eruption in progress and its effects on the atmosphere as well as satellite images. Link -via reddit

(image credit: Ulrich Latzenhofer/CC BY-SA)

LED Sea Urchins

The folks at Evil Mad Scientist Laboratories will put an LED into anything, but this is quite lovely. The dried shells of sea urchins are already beautiful, and can be made into tiny lights that resemble paper lanterns for night lights or decorations. Link

Fox Pups Rescued with Detergent

Three fox cubs got their heads stuck in a drain grate in Plainfield, Connecticut last Friday. Neighborhood residents could hear their mother calling for them from out of sight. After firefighters were unable to cut the grate, Animal Control Officer Karen Stone tried lubricating the pup's heads with Vaseline, then corn oil, but had no luck. What finally did the trick was a dose of Dawn dishwashing detergent. The pups were freed from the grate and driven back to the area of their den, soapy but unharmed. Link -via Arbroath

Scary New Leech Species

A small but terrifying new species of leech roams the Amazon basin. Tyrannobdella rex seeks out animal orifices to enter and attach itself inside, in order to suck the victim's blood. The case of a 9-year-old girl in Peru with a leech in her nasal cavity brought the creature to the attention of doctors and researchers. Three years later, earlier cases have been confirmed and a report has been published in the journal PLoS ONE.
"We named it Tyrannobdella rex because of its enormous teeth," said researcher Mark Siddall, curator in the division of invertebrate zoology at the American Museum of Natural History in New York.

Although its teeth only reach up to 130 microns high — a little more than the width of a human hair — "that's at least five times as high as that of other leeches," Siddall said. "And every one of the people who were found with these in the clinical cases had a frontal headache. Their teeth are big, and these things hurt."

Link -via Unique Daily

(image credit: Anna J. Phillips et al., PLoS ONE)

Most Awesomest Thing Ever

This website is an ongoing tournament to rank the most awesome things ever. Play along and choose from two things at a time to raise or lower their rankings. You can also check the current top rankings, which are pictured here. Those may be different tomorrow, depending on participation. You can also suggest awesome things to add to the competition! Link (warning: sound) -Thanks, Victor!

Education Cakes

Cake Wrecks has a roundup of tragic cakes specifically for school events: back to school, the last day of school, graduation, teacher training, or in the case of the cake pictured, a special lesson in history (I think). Did I spell all those words right? I wouldn't want these cakes to rub off on me! Link

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