The following is an article from the book Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Plunges Into History Again.

If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like growing up in Stalin’s shadow or whatever happened to Napoleon’s son, here are their (almost always) tragic stories.

RICHARD THE FOURTH? (Richard Cromwell, son of Oliver Cromwell)

Back in the 1640s, jolly old England was caught up in a messy civil war between King Charles I and the British parliament over who really ran the country. By 1649, the issue was settled: Parliament was the boss. And to prove it, they chopped off Charles’s head. For the next 10 years, the country was a fun-free zone under the grim, puritanical military dictatorship of Oliver Cromwell. He was such a killjoy that he even banned Christmas.

Wake Up, Dick, You’re in Charge!

Richard was born in 1626, and after being raised in his father’s puritanical but loving household, he joined the army, where he managed to avoid seeing any active service—even while the English Civil War raged around him. In 1649, his run of good luck continued when he married Dorothy Major, daughter of a wealthy farmer, and settled down into the idle life of a country squire.

Little was heard of Richard after that, apart from the fact that his stern father regularly upbraided him for his laziness and overspending. So it must have come as a shock when his dad named him as his successor. Turns out that Oliver, that staunch opponent of hereditary rule, didn’t think that it applied to his own family. When Parliament complained about this, Cromwell -never a big fan of democracy- closed it down. Cromwell’s ministers had little option but to go along with their revered leader’s decision.

Oliver breathed his last disapproving breath on September 3, 1658, and on the same day Richard Cromwell was proclaimed Lord Protector of the Realm. When Richard took over, the trouble really began. Richard was not cut out for life in the fast lane, and things went downhill fast.

Almost immediately, the army began making waves. To them, Richard was an upstart who traded on his father’s name and had no right to rule. A power struggle between Parliament and the army saw Richard pulled this way and that like a rag doll. The London mob, amused by Cromwell’s evident lack of brass, took to calling him “Queen Dick.” Eventually, the army forced Cromwell to call a new, army-friendly Parliament in spring of 1659. One of the new Parliament’s first acts was to call for the Lord Protector’s dismissal. Passive to the very end, Queen Dick meekly gave in and resigned in May of that year. Figuring his future career prospects didn’t look too good, Cromwell jumped on the next boat to France.

Richard Who?

His father would have been appalled to see what happened next.

You know that showing your teeth means you are smiling, but wolves interpret it as the baring of teeth, which is a challenge. You've been warned. Smiling at wolves is the last thing you want to do, but as it turns out, the wolves are just a little bit smarter than you think they are. Or a lot smarter, actually. They interpret visible teeth as a challenge, but they also know what causes it in humans. This wolf was obviously looking for a challenge in the latest comic from Sam Pratt at Rustled Jimmies. -via Geeks Are Sexy

Redditor chojurou posted a picture of a friend's tattoo. When people ask him what his tattoo says, he replies,

"I don't know, I don't speak Chinese."

And that is literally what it says. Those who read Chinese pointed out that it appears to be a machine translation, rendered in typewriter font instead of calligraphy, but it says what it says. Southernnfratty gave us a little more information.

中國話 is kind of a dated way to say "Chinese" (almost like how you'd say/write it in Japanese, actually).

Most people in Mainland China say 中文 or 汉语, or 國語 / 普通話 / 華語 if you're in HK/Taiwan/SE Asia. Also colloquially many people say "讲” more often than "说” ; the latter which to me sounds a bit more textbook-y.

But other than that, the tattoo is correct

Edit: 弄纹身的那个人的手写也挺标准的 Edit 2: Guys I was just pointing out a few subtleties lol. The phrase is a bit awk but overall correct. And 说/讲 can be used interchangeably, 讲 just sounds more natural to me

He's dressed up the tattoo a bit since the top picture was taken, but is dedicated to the shirt. 

While it is the perfect dad joke, it might not be so funny the 1000th time you explain it.

The experimental kitchen at Chicago restaurant Alinea has produced a transparent pie that tastes just like traditional pumpkin pie. Created by executive chef Mike Bagale and chef de cuisine Simon Davies, it's not the kind of thing you can just whip up at home, unless you have a rotary evaporator, or a moonshine still that's not being used.  

To make their translucent pumpkin pie, Bagale creates a heavily spiced traditional pumpkin pie filling, blends it with water, and then pours that liquid into a rotary evaporator, a device that distills liquids. He explains his process:

"We put the pumpkin pie stock under a vacuum, and that stock boils at room temperature. Because it’s boiling, it’s evaporating, and that evaporation hits the rotary evaporator’s chilled coils and drips into a collection flask. We take that collection flask and we season it with a little bit of salt and sugar, and then set it with gelatin. So, it’s basically pure aroma. You get a condensation water that blows off the stock, and once you season it you have something that’s really really special."

That distilled pie filling is added to gelatin to make the clear pie filling. Get the complete recipe at Vogue. But be warned, after all that work, your traditional family might prefer to look at it rather than eat it. -via Mental Floss

(Image credit: Allen Hemberger/Alinea)

(Image credit: gataquimera) 

Look at this beautiful cat! On her left side, she is a black cat with a blue eye, and on her right side, she's a ginger. If you look at the rest of Quimera, you see that her pied look wraps around the other side of her body.

Mundo de quimeras #Twofacedcat #quimera #Chimera #Cat #gattina #cats #catstagram #catsagram #gato #gatos #kitty #kitten #kitties

A post shared by Quimera twofacedcat (@gataquimera) on Feb 3, 2016 at 5:28am PST

Quimera could be a chimera, or more likely just a striking variation of a calico or tortoiseshell cat. You can see many more pictures of her at Instagram. -via reddit

See also: Venus, who is black with a green eye on one side, and ginger with a blue eye on the other.

Now that the latest iPhone will set you back a cool grand, it's time to review some ways to avoid damaging it. My phone needs to be recharged every two or three days, but the customer rep at my phone company said she had to recharge hers two or three times a day -she has an iPhone. If you use your phone constantly, and have to charge it often, you may as well do it correctly. Just hooking it up to the charger every night without thinking won't get it. Thrillist has the seven most common charging pitfalls you need to know for keeping your iPhone in working order. -via TYWKIWDBI

(Image credit: Gregory Varnum)

The United States first observed Daylight Saving Time in 1918, as a measure to save energy during wartime. The federal government pulled back after the war, and DST became optional for the states. It went nationwide again during World War II, but afterward, DST became optional again, not only for states, but for each local government. Some places set their clocks forward in summer, others didn't, and to increase the confusion, places that observed DST could change their clocks whenever they pleased!   

In office buildings, it could be 4 p.m. on one floor and 5 p.m. on another — an important matter for several reasons, including who punched out first to get to happy hour. People would step off airplanes with no idea how to set their watches. Ponder this head-scratcher:

    “A short trip from Steubenville, Ohio, to Moundsville, West Virginia became a symbol of the deteriorating situation. A bus ride down this thirty-five-mile stretch of highway took less than an hour. But along that route, the local time changed seven times.”

When did the craziness end? Not until 1966! Read about the act that finally set US clocks on the same time at the Washington Post. And then go make sure you've set all your clocks back to standard time. -via Digg

(YouTube link)

The notoriously confusing parking signs in Culver City, California, have received the ultimate tribute. Mike Phirman noted the extreme angle necessary for reading one and made it into a Star Wars-style opening  crawl. The city's signs have reached a height of 15 feet in the past. Although this one isn't quite that ridiculous, it's still pretty impressive. And pretty silly. -via Tastefully Offensive

An article at Smithsonian gives us five history lessons in sandwiches, some you might have never heard of before. Have you ever eaten -or even seen- a chow mein sandwich?

The chow mein sandwich is the quintessential “East meets West” food, and it’s largely associated with New England’s Chinese restaurants – specifically, those of Fall River, a city crowded with textile mills near the Rhode Island border.

The sandwich became popular in the 1920s because it was filling and cheap: Workers munched on them in factory canteens, while their kids ate them for lunch in the parish schools, especially on meatless Fridays. It would go on to be available at some “five and dime” lunch counters, like Kresge’s and Woolworth – and even at Nathan’s in Coney Island.

It’s exactly what it sounds like: a sandwich filled with chow mein (deep-fried, flat noodles, topped with a ladle of brown gravy, onions, celery and bean sprouts). If you want to make your own authentic sandwich at home, I recommend using Hoo Mee Chow Mein Mix, which is still made in Fall River. It can be served in a bun (à la sloppy joe) or between sliced white bread, much like a hot turkey sandwich with gravy. The classic meal includes the sandwich, french fries and orange soda.

In addition to the chow main sandwich, read about the origins of the tuna salad sandwich, the club sandwich, the peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and an abomination called the Scotch woodcock in a sandwich roundup at Smithsonian.

Here's a cartoon about a man working for a living. It's soul-sucking drudgery, sure, and the only time he interacts with his boss is when he's done something wrong, and that's not pleasant. But does it really have to be that way?  

(YouTube link)

Tim Searfoss spent a year and a half working on this animation in his spare time to channel his frustration about his real job -which was not in animation, but I would bet it probably wasn't making bolts one at a time, either. Maybe his next job will be making more cartoons like this. -via reddit

Italian illustrator Jacopo Rosati (previously at Neatorama) modernized the classic tarot deck by designing the cards to reflect the characters and events of social media. We all know the stalker, the bot, the hater, and the troll. We hope to recognize fake news and conspiracy, and we delight in the kitten. Rosati made these into a poster instead of an actual deck of cards. Check them all out in larger size at his site.   -via Boing Boing

Have you ever seen a cathedral dance? Ismael Sanz-Pena made it happen, by harnessing the frame rate, a rhythmic beat, and one single photograph of Nidaros Cathedral in Trondheim, Norway.

(vimeo link)

If you think the video is moving too slow at the beginning, just give it a few seconds and watch the statues dance! Sanz-Pena's Persistence of Vision I and Persistence of Vision II are experimental clips that can't hold a candle to number three. -via Nag on the Lake

(Image credit: DXR)

Aw, yes, that's the application I really want -a translation button that, in addition to other languages, can tell us the thought process behind a post. By the time that happens, the robots will have already taken over and humans will be considered irrelevant. Still, a canny person can intuit what's going on. Too bad the person in the profile can't figure it out. A big chunk of the world's problems could be solved if everyone were able to put themselves in someone's else's shoes when needed. This is the latest from Randall Munroe at xkcd. Go to the comic link to see the extra hover text line.

Often when you hear about supernatural events from a thousand years ago, like animals acting in ways you would not expect, you assume that the story has been made up, or at least embellished. That's what you'd think if someone told you a group of war horses started dancing like a chorus line from a Broadway musical. However, this tale has plenty of contemporary provenance in written records.

It is a WIBT (wish I’d been there) moment from Chinese history. One night in the mid-late eighth century the warriors of the Chinese warlord Ch’Eng-szu (704-778) were preparing a sacrificial feast. Some struck up music to add to the festive atmosphere when suddenly a very strange thing. Dozens of the war horses in the field behind them got into line and began to prance in a synchronized fashion to the tune, banging their hooves in unison. The onlookers were horrified at these bizarre dancing horses and news quickly spread that Ch’Eng-szu’s horse were bewitched.

In this case, there was a perfectly logical explanation, although the great coincidence convinced witnesses that something supernatural had to be involved. The moral of the story is that you don't know what you're getting when you steal other people's possessions. Read about the dancing horses of Hsuan Tsung at Strange History.  -via Strange Company

The Indianapolis Motor Speedway opened in 1909 as the largest sports arena in the world. It earned the named "the Brickyard" because the race track was paved with bricks. But it's asphalt now, and the road surface has been resurfaced and improved many times over the years. What you see here is a core sample taken at the track, two feet high and full of history. IMS president J. Douglas Boles posted this picture at Twitter. Speedway historians used the core to make a graphic explaining the various layers and the work that went into resurfacing the track over the years, which you can see at Jalopnik.