The smallest possible unit of time has already been determined to be the New York Second, and is defined as: "The amount of time passing between the traffic light ahead of you turning green and the taxi-cab behind you honking his horn"

This is actually a very modern device, albeit done in classic style. It is a career-meter issued to Ivy League colleges. It is based on the age-old premise that "sh*t floats to the top" and the cistern-ball rises automatically with the owner's career. A very heavy base is needed to prevent the meter from floating away if the owner becomes CEO of a petroleum or coal-mining company

Math puns T-Shirt

This is an antique hand-cranked Dust-Buster!

Average Bear T-shirt

You know those little adhesive-backed dish-cloth holders that you can poke a corner into and it hangs there? If you could combine those with this I think you might have a winner!

Next step: you can save even more if you don't actually get on the plane. Just send Spirit Airlines a small fee and they will send your imagination to your destination!

This indicator is used in old-fashioned, high-class toilets. The "up line" section indicates whether or not water is filling up the flush tank. The "down line" part... well, let's just say it tells you whether or not you had too much chili-beans last night!

Average Bear T-shirt

Maybe the song can become "...the Y why? why? why???"

If they ask him when the US economy will improve, all his legs will spontaneously fall off!

The only countries not using the metric system now is Liberia, Myanmar and the USA....

This an amazing piece of history! A patient was severely constipated, unable to have a bowel movement for almost a year. Doctors tried every remedy they could but to no avail. Eventually P.T. Barnum decided he would have the answer to the poor patient's troubles and brought in a (probably doctored) photograph of Abraham Lincoln wearing his trademark stovepipe hat and a pink mankini. The image was so frightening to the patient his bowels suddenly constricted, shooting out this piece of poop which injured a nurse before embedding itself in the wall. This piece is now in a museum and is the origin of the term "sh*ttin' bricks"!

Average Bear T-shirt

This is a stylized King chess-piece for people who refuse to admit defeat

Average Bear T-shirt

This is the 1st iteration of the iPhone... string-and-can version. Each of the spikes is an app (iBleed, iOuch, iOMG-that-hurts etc)
Average Bear T-shirt

Judging by their use of this type of lawyer, "Pork Board" seems to be highly appropriate... all that is required is to read the word "Pork" as a verb!

...and western media always gives us the pure, unadulterated truth? Yeah, right! Try reading the same news story from 5 different sources and you'll get 5 completely different versions (and then spend time trying to work out what the heck actually happened!) The news is manipulated, both by governments and/or the media itself. Get used to it.

This is the cross-bar on a VERY large mousetrap!

"Request Denied" T-shirt