A spice addiction would probably be easier.

So much for making a bold statement.

Captain Ahab couldn't be reached for comment.

They need to include a printable iron-on to use when the next Internet fad shows up.

You know, after you get over the sheer, blinding mortal terror of hanging over the edge of a tall building like that, it looks like it might be kind of fun to try.

Anyone else have to pull up The Immigrant Song by Led Zeppelin while reading that?

I think LARPers use one of those to roll for damage.

The guy responsible gets called into the boss' office afterward, The boss says nothing, and instead rings the little bell.

FAIL

There used to be a place in downtown Seattle called the Iron Horse that would actually deliver your food to your table by model train. I understand there are similar places still out there, but this particular one is now long gone.

Only a 2 ton safe? I thought the standard for this type of thing was a 16-ton safe...

"For dis u die in ur sleep"

There are a fair number of Peregrine Falcons in the Seattle area. I recall back when I used to work in downtown there was a nesting pair on a building just a couple of blocks away that attracted a fair bit of attention and had a webcam. I believe that a different pair resides there now.

Jimmy Page could not be reached for comment.

It's a Cuban dissident trying to smuggle themself out of the country disguised as a giant cigar.