In a perfect world we got the toys we wanted for our birthdays and holidays like Christmas when we were young, but since there's no such thing as a perfect world we often got really crappy toys instead.
These toys were close enough to the toys we actually wanted that our friends and family members felt they made fine presents, but the look of disappointment on our faces as we opened them said it all.
1. Drippy the Runny-Nose-Kid Doll (1967)-
Every kid grew up with a friend whose nose was perpetually running, or else they themselves were the snotty associate, but for those rare few who never had the pleasure there's Drippy the Runny Nose Kid.
Drippy came in both boy and girl models, with the only real difference being the dress and the hair, and Drippy showed that both sexes are equally disgusting when they're young.
2. American Man "Action" Figure (1973)-
To call American Man anything but a flat farce posing as an action figure would be a lie, because he's really just a glorified paper doll.
And yet somehow American Man was supposed to spark a child's imagination, because with his press-on clothing and accessories he can be an athlete, sportsman and trooper while standing very still at all times.
Something tells me American Man never outsold good old G.I. Joe!
3. Milky the Marvelous Milking Cow (1977)-
Kids naturally wonder what it would feel like to milk a cow, and Milky The Marvelous Milking Cow doesn't really help much at all.
Milky dips her head down and drinks water, then kids can pull on her plastic teats and supposedly get the feel for milking a heifer without all those farm smells and mess.
And yet Milky was a massive flop, because despite Kenner's claims kids didn't really care for milking tiny plastic cows.