Tiffany's Blog Posts
It is now 86 weeks and counting since The Baby was born. She still has big personality, she is still beautiful, and she still refuses to say Mama.
I was going to lead off with a condensed list of all the other wonderful words she has learned to say this week, but instead I have more disturbing news to report. I stand here before you today shame-faced. The Baby has learned to call me "Boss Lady."
For years my husband has called me "Boss Lady." When he couldn't get The Baby to say "Hey Lady" he decided to switch tactics and started referring to me as "Boss Lady" instead. The Baby obviously liked this moniker better.
Yes, I admit that I have lost the battle with my husband. I am, however, determined to stay strong. I will not lose the war. The Baby calling me "Boss Lady" is a small and unfortunate setback.
I am still feeling optimistic. In fact, I have taken this as a sign that I should indeed investigate child language programs that specialize in Ferengi. I think The Baby would especially thrive in a course that offered instruction in culture as well as language. I would like to personally thank John for this suggestion.
I am also feeling energized by the new movement I have started. It seems that more and more people are now referring to their age in weeks instead of years. Who would have thought a little blog post like mine could be responsible for such shift. Thank you Vonskippy for being such a great promoter of the movement. I owe you so much.
In close I would like to say that despite all the setbacks of this week I remain confident. I know that week 87 will be the week The Baby says Mama. I will keep you posted.
I was going to lead off with a condensed list of all the other wonderful words she has learned to say this week, but instead I have more disturbing news to report. I stand here before you today shame-faced. The Baby has learned to call me "Boss Lady."
For years my husband has called me "Boss Lady." When he couldn't get The Baby to say "Hey Lady" he decided to switch tactics and started referring to me as "Boss Lady" instead. The Baby obviously liked this moniker better.
Yes, I admit that I have lost the battle with my husband. I am, however, determined to stay strong. I will not lose the war. The Baby calling me "Boss Lady" is a small and unfortunate setback.
I am still feeling optimistic. In fact, I have taken this as a sign that I should indeed investigate child language programs that specialize in Ferengi. I think The Baby would especially thrive in a course that offered instruction in culture as well as language. I would like to personally thank John for this suggestion.
I am also feeling energized by the new movement I have started. It seems that more and more people are now referring to their age in weeks instead of years. Who would have thought a little blog post like mine could be responsible for such shift. Thank you Vonskippy for being such a great promoter of the movement. I owe you so much.
In close I would like to say that despite all the setbacks of this week I remain confident. I know that week 87 will be the week The Baby says Mama. I will keep you posted.
This is the story of a daughter who thought that her parents liked her, only to find out years later that they really hate her. I am that daughter.
You see, I used to think my parents liked me. I know they love me, but I was also pretty sure they liked me too. Now I know that I was wrong. Very wrong! My parents actually hate me. How do I know they hate me? This is how I know they hate me!
Yes, what you see in the picture is correct. That is my 4-year-old daughter holding a child sized electric guitar with built-in amplifier. Next to her is my 3-year-old son banging away on his new drum set. My wonderful parents purchased these gifts. My kids think Nan and Papa are the greatest. I'm too polite to tell you what I really think.
At first I didn't think much of the gift. My Dad joked it was an investment in his future. He thought the kids should start a rock band. I should film the children playing in their rock band. We should put the clip on You Tube. People would see the clip and my children would become famous. The children would be so grateful that they would buy their grandfather a Porsche convertible. I actually laughed when he told me this story. My Dad is very charismatic and has a flair for stories.
The events that have unfolded since the children received these gifts, however, have made me realize I was stupid and naive. Obviously my Dad was really plotting against me. I am now convinced this gift was pure and simple payback. Payback for what? For being forced to raise me. This includes but is not limited to years and years of me breaking his stuff, having to referee fights with my sister, and just generally being a pain in the ass. Oh, he is a wise and devious old man. How could I ever be so stupid as to underestimate him.
How much trouble could a drum set and electric guitar be? Here is a summary of the events that unfolded from the time theses items entered my house to present:
1. My son wakes up before dawn. He runs into my room and demands to know where his father is. I tell him his Dad is still on his business trip. He mulls this over for a moment. He studies me. Finally realizing I am his only hope he asks me if I can put together his drum set. At this moment I realize that even my 3-year-old knows I am incompetent when it comes to anything remotely mechanical in nature. This is both depressing and liberating. I no longer need to pretend that I know what I am doing.
2. I agree to his request to build the drum set on the condition that we do it after his sisters are awake and we have all had breakfast. The 3-year-old proceeds to wake his sisters up and demand that we eat and eat quickly.
3. Breakfast is over and I must now do what I hate more than anything. I must read an instruction manual. I stumble through the single page instruction sheet and put together the drum set. Something that should have taken a normal adult 5 minutes to do has taken me almost 40 minutes. Yes, I really am that incompetent.
4. The 3-year-old is beaming. The other children are excited. We are all happy for a brief moment. The strumming and drumming starts.
5. Suddenly, the other children realize that there is only one drum set. They are no longer content to play with any other toy. Even the electric guitar is cast aside. A scuffle ensues. The 4-year-old snatches one of the drumsticks. The Baby lunges for the other drumstick. The 3-year defends himself from the attack by hitting his baby sister in the head with a drumstick. It's World War III!
6. The Baby is fine. She is pissed, but fine. After a little cuddling she is back to planning her next attack.
7. I finally manage to stop screaming. I try to go to my happy place. I take a few deep breaths and visualize the sale rack at my favorite store. I am OK again.
8. Now what the heck am I going to do with this drum set? You need sticks to play the drums, but I can't give the kids the sticks back. If I give them the sticks back they will just start beating each other with sticks again. We are not a perfect family, but we certainly do not go around beating each other with sticks! For a brief moment I fantasize about throwing the drum set out.
9. It suddenly occurs to me that I may have been set up. My Dad must have known this was going to happen. He raised two kids. He always said we would fight over everything and anything. Throwing out the drum set is like admitting defeat. I must come up with a plan!
10. The plan is to do a craft project. Everyone knows that craft projects make everything better. (Bet you didn't see that coming did you?) Neither did the kids. The 4-year-old and 3-year-old were both skeptical. They didn't think I could make them new drumsticks. Ye little people of little faith. My craft kung-fu is strong.
11. Craft Project Drumstick commences. I am determined to make new, plush toy drumsticks that the children cannot kill each other with. I frantically search the art closet in the garage. In the art closet I found dowels, gray felt, a small foam butterfly wing, and a feather boa. I told you, this closet is filled with random crap.
12. First, I cut the butterfly wing up and glue them to the top of the dowel.
13. Next, I cut the gray felt into strips and sew them into covers for the dowels. I admit that tan felt would have been better, but I was just using odds and ends that I found in the closet.
14. The kids and I insert the dowel with topper into the felt cover.
15. We proceed to stuff the felt cover with cut up pieces of feather boa (batting probably would have worked better, but I was all out of batting).
16. I sew up the bottom of the tubes.
17. I pull out my embroidery floss and sew the tops of the drumsticks. This is just to make them look more like drumsticks.
18. Craft Project Drumstick is complete. I now test the drumsticks to make sure they work. First I hit myself with them. They don't hurt. Next I hit the drums with them. The drums still make noise. Yippee!
19. The kids are happy. Now if they ever dare to beat each other with drumsticks again, at least I know they can't really hurt each other.
When I told my parents this story they laughed. My Dad is still feigning innocence. He insists that they don't hate me, but I know better. All I have to say is, "I'm sorry for breaking all your stuff Dad. Please no more evil presents."
You see, I used to think my parents liked me. I know they love me, but I was also pretty sure they liked me too. Now I know that I was wrong. Very wrong! My parents actually hate me. How do I know they hate me? This is how I know they hate me!
Yes, what you see in the picture is correct. That is my 4-year-old daughter holding a child sized electric guitar with built-in amplifier. Next to her is my 3-year-old son banging away on his new drum set. My wonderful parents purchased these gifts. My kids think Nan and Papa are the greatest. I'm too polite to tell you what I really think.
At first I didn't think much of the gift. My Dad joked it was an investment in his future. He thought the kids should start a rock band. I should film the children playing in their rock band. We should put the clip on You Tube. People would see the clip and my children would become famous. The children would be so grateful that they would buy their grandfather a Porsche convertible. I actually laughed when he told me this story. My Dad is very charismatic and has a flair for stories.
The events that have unfolded since the children received these gifts, however, have made me realize I was stupid and naive. Obviously my Dad was really plotting against me. I am now convinced this gift was pure and simple payback. Payback for what? For being forced to raise me. This includes but is not limited to years and years of me breaking his stuff, having to referee fights with my sister, and just generally being a pain in the ass. Oh, he is a wise and devious old man. How could I ever be so stupid as to underestimate him.
How much trouble could a drum set and electric guitar be? Here is a summary of the events that unfolded from the time theses items entered my house to present:
1. My son wakes up before dawn. He runs into my room and demands to know where his father is. I tell him his Dad is still on his business trip. He mulls this over for a moment. He studies me. Finally realizing I am his only hope he asks me if I can put together his drum set. At this moment I realize that even my 3-year-old knows I am incompetent when it comes to anything remotely mechanical in nature. This is both depressing and liberating. I no longer need to pretend that I know what I am doing.
2. I agree to his request to build the drum set on the condition that we do it after his sisters are awake and we have all had breakfast. The 3-year-old proceeds to wake his sisters up and demand that we eat and eat quickly.
3. Breakfast is over and I must now do what I hate more than anything. I must read an instruction manual. I stumble through the single page instruction sheet and put together the drum set. Something that should have taken a normal adult 5 minutes to do has taken me almost 40 minutes. Yes, I really am that incompetent.
4. The 3-year-old is beaming. The other children are excited. We are all happy for a brief moment. The strumming and drumming starts.
5. Suddenly, the other children realize that there is only one drum set. They are no longer content to play with any other toy. Even the electric guitar is cast aside. A scuffle ensues. The 4-year-old snatches one of the drumsticks. The Baby lunges for the other drumstick. The 3-year defends himself from the attack by hitting his baby sister in the head with a drumstick. It's World War III!
6. The Baby is fine. She is pissed, but fine. After a little cuddling she is back to planning her next attack.
7. I finally manage to stop screaming. I try to go to my happy place. I take a few deep breaths and visualize the sale rack at my favorite store. I am OK again.
8. Now what the heck am I going to do with this drum set? You need sticks to play the drums, but I can't give the kids the sticks back. If I give them the sticks back they will just start beating each other with sticks again. We are not a perfect family, but we certainly do not go around beating each other with sticks! For a brief moment I fantasize about throwing the drum set out.
9. It suddenly occurs to me that I may have been set up. My Dad must have known this was going to happen. He raised two kids. He always said we would fight over everything and anything. Throwing out the drum set is like admitting defeat. I must come up with a plan!
10. The plan is to do a craft project. Everyone knows that craft projects make everything better. (Bet you didn't see that coming did you?) Neither did the kids. The 4-year-old and 3-year-old were both skeptical. They didn't think I could make them new drumsticks. Ye little people of little faith. My craft kung-fu is strong.
11. Craft Project Drumstick commences. I am determined to make new, plush toy drumsticks that the children cannot kill each other with. I frantically search the art closet in the garage. In the art closet I found dowels, gray felt, a small foam butterfly wing, and a feather boa. I told you, this closet is filled with random crap.
12. First, I cut the butterfly wing up and glue them to the top of the dowel.
13. Next, I cut the gray felt into strips and sew them into covers for the dowels. I admit that tan felt would have been better, but I was just using odds and ends that I found in the closet.
14. The kids and I insert the dowel with topper into the felt cover.
15. We proceed to stuff the felt cover with cut up pieces of feather boa (batting probably would have worked better, but I was all out of batting).
16. I sew up the bottom of the tubes.
17. I pull out my embroidery floss and sew the tops of the drumsticks. This is just to make them look more like drumsticks.
18. Craft Project Drumstick is complete. I now test the drumsticks to make sure they work. First I hit myself with them. They don't hurt. Next I hit the drums with them. The drums still make noise. Yippee!
19. The kids are happy. Now if they ever dare to beat each other with drumsticks again, at least I know they can't really hurt each other.
When I told my parents this story they laughed. My Dad is still feigning innocence. He insists that they don't hate me, but I know better. All I have to say is, "I'm sorry for breaking all your stuff Dad. Please no more evil presents."
It has now been 85 weeks since The Baby was born. She still has a big personality and she still refuses to say Mama!
This is a condensed list of the other wonderful words The Baby has learned to say this week:
Papa: The Baby now has learned to say Papa (what my kids call their Grandfather). My Dad thought it was hilarious that The Baby learned to say Papa before Mama. In my Dad's defense at least he tried to get the baby to also say Mama. He even lied to me and said he was sure he thought he heard her say Ma.
Butterfly: The Baby loves The Very Hungry Caterpillar book. Why? Well, I can only guess as to why. My hunch is that she relates to the hungry caterpillar's desire to eat small bits of everything in sight. The Baby also likes to nibble her way through the day.
My husband is still trying to get The Baby to say "Hey lady!" Luckily he hasn't had any luck. The Baby is no closer to saying Hey Lady than she was a week ago. This is one time that my husband going on a business trip has worked in my favor. I think 3 days away from the family has thrown him off his game a little.
Despite everything I am still feeling optimistic. Week 86 is going to be the week The Baby says Mama. I know it! I will keep you posted.
This is a condensed list of the other wonderful words The Baby has learned to say this week:
Papa: The Baby now has learned to say Papa (what my kids call their Grandfather). My Dad thought it was hilarious that The Baby learned to say Papa before Mama. In my Dad's defense at least he tried to get the baby to also say Mama. He even lied to me and said he was sure he thought he heard her say Ma.
Butterfly: The Baby loves The Very Hungry Caterpillar book. Why? Well, I can only guess as to why. My hunch is that she relates to the hungry caterpillar's desire to eat small bits of everything in sight. The Baby also likes to nibble her way through the day.
My husband is still trying to get The Baby to say "Hey lady!" Luckily he hasn't had any luck. The Baby is no closer to saying Hey Lady than she was a week ago. This is one time that my husband going on a business trip has worked in my favor. I think 3 days away from the family has thrown him off his game a little.
Despite everything I am still feeling optimistic. Week 86 is going to be the week The Baby says Mama. I know it! I will keep you posted.
Decipher The Doodle Contest #4 Winners!
The Answer: According the pint sized artist this is a picture of the Easter Bunny (not bunnies). In the first drawing the Easter Bunny is sad because the giant Easter egg is so heavy. In the second drawing he is happy because he has discovered he can roll giant Easter eggs. Rolling the egg is so much easier than carrying the egg.
My Wrong Answer: We need to be on the look out for miniature zombie bunnies delivering rotten Easter Eggs.
Congratulations! I win The Stupid Mommy, How Could You Not See The Answer Award. This comes with a look of disdain from my beautiful 4-year-old.
The Most Correct Answer: The Easter Bunny rolling an egg too big to carry. - smurfie
Congratulations! You win the I Heart 8 Bit Video Games T-shirt.
The Funniest Answer:
Your 4-year old obviously has a well developed palate, as we both share the same distaste for Maraschino cherries! Therefore, I can tell you what she has depicted here... the portrayal is of herself as an innocent Easter bunny who has happily received a chocolate with all good graces. But the chocolate has a cherry filling! Yuck!! Luckily, in the distance we see a festive doppelganger who is stealing away the gross cherry center! Silly doppelganger! But now nobody's insulted, and everyone is happily left with their best part of the chocolate! Yay! See, this story even has a happy ending! Ha! - Bt
Congratulations! You win a Science vs. Magic T-shirt.
Oh, by the way the 4-year-old loves maraschino cherries more than anything! She also loves to say, "that's so silly."
Thank you to everyone who participated. We hope you had as much fun as we did. If you didn't win don't worry! We will be back with another Decipher The Doodle Contest in a few weeks. Hopefully next time we will remember to name the file something a little less obvious.
Do babies belong at pro tennis matches? This is the new debate coming out of Florida. A baby was heard crying during a match at the Sony-Ericsson Open tennis tournament.
The ball didn't hit the baby. Ferrer also claims that the baby did not factor into his poor match.
What do you think? Should babies be allowed at Tennis matches or other sporting events?
Glenna Milberg has more: http://www.local10.com/sports/27389582/detail.html
Spanish tennis star David Ferrer was losing to Mardy Fish during the second set Wednesday when a baby in the stands began to wail.
An apparently frustrated Ferrer lobbed a ball into the stands with an announcer mentioning it was toward the crying baby.
The ball didn't hit the baby. Ferrer also claims that the baby did not factor into his poor match.
What do you think? Should babies be allowed at Tennis matches or other sporting events?
Glenna Milberg has more: http://www.local10.com/sports/27389582/detail.html
An Arkansas man, by the name if Rick Bray, has invented and patented a device that bleeps foul language from your television set.
The device has several different settings. It has a tolerant, moderate, and strict mode. It also boasts a religious, hell/ damn, and sex reference filter.
Link
It’s called TVGuardian, and it reads closed captioning on TV shows and movies then mutes certain language replacing it with a profanity free version.
The device has several different settings. It has a tolerant, moderate, and strict mode. It also boasts a religious, hell/ damn, and sex reference filter.
Link
It has been 84 weeks since The Baby was born. She has come a long way during those 84 weeks. She is no longer the 8lb 4 oz little lump I brought home from the hospital. She is now a walking, talking spitfire of a toddler! This baby has a big personality.
This a condensed list of the wonderful things The Baby learned to say this week:
Salta: The Spanish word for "jump."
Boots: Dora's monkey friend who wears little boots. He has no clothes, but he has boots. I can understand this. I love shoes too.
Backpack: Dora's purple knapsack friend. He eats up all of Dora's belongings with a yum, yum, yum and spits them back out when she needs something. It's a strange relationship, but who am I to judge.
Are you sensing a theme to the list of words? I admit it, we had a Dora video running in the car during a road trip. The video was to keep the older children from turning on each other, and us, during the 3 hour drive. Go ahead and scold me for letting my children watch TV. I will gladly accept the tongue lashing. That video made the drive almost bearable.
Anyway, yes it's all good and wonderful that The Baby is learning to be bilingual. Of course I am thrilled with her progress. There is just one little bone of contention I have with her. It's 84 weeks and counting and the adorable little booger still refuses to say Mama. Of course she says Dada, Da, and even Daddy perfectly.
My husband is so excited with the baby's linguistic progress that he has now taken it upon himself to personally work with her. He is currently trying to teach her to say, "Hey, Lady!" He's convinced he can get her to say that before she says Mama. Yes folks, I am well aware that I am sleeping with the enemy!
I am, however, a closet optimist. I am secretly convinced that week 85 will be the week the baby finally says Mama. I will keep you posted.
Hello Neatoramanauts and welcome to our fourth Decipher The Doodle Contest. This doodle was created by my 4-year old daughter. I dare you to delve into the mind of this pint-sized artist and tell me what her doodle means.
We will award 2 prizes. One to the first person to come up with the most correct answer. The second for the funniest but ultimately wrong answer. The winners will win a T-shirt from the NeatoShop and be featured in next weeks post.
Please write your T-shirt selection alongside your guess (suggestion: Science T-shirts / Funny & One Liners). If you don’t include a selection, you forfeit the prize, okay?
Happy commenting!
Update 4/4/2011: The Contest is now over. The winners will be announced shortly.
Last week I had a little fun and shared the 5 strangest things my kids said to me that week. I then challenged everyone out there in Neatoland to share the craziest things kids have said to them. Boy, did you rise to the challenge. We had over 50 comments on the original post! A few of the comments were a little cranky. Most of you, however, got into the spirit of things and shared some fabulous stories. You gave us some much needed laughs. Thank you!
As promised here are the winners of our first Out of The Mouth Of Babes Contest! Judging this was no easy task. I originally said we were going to have 5 winners, but one of you had so many gems to share I couldn't resist adding one more winner to the bunch. Seriously, pnutandsamsmom should win just for having the brilliant forethought to carry a book around just to write these things down in! I love it!
rsgeek:
When our little one was a bit littler (about 3-1/2), she and I were out doing last-minute Christmas shopping, listening to holiday tunes on the drive. One of the songs mentioned "2,000 years" in the refrain, so she asked me what that was about. I explained, and after a pause to think she burst out -- "Daddy, you're almost as old as Jesus!"
And here I thought I looked young for my age...
Chelsea:
I sadly don't have kids yet, but when my brother was little we were on a family road trip and him and my Dad went to use the restroom and...
My brother looked up at the condom dispenser and asked my dad what it was; my Dad had been reading a book that had instructed him to tell kids the truth when they asked adult questions so my Dad replied,
"Well Ben sometimes grown ups like to have fun, and the man takes one of these things like a balloon and puts it on his peepee so he doesn't make the girl have a baby"
My Dad, who has been one of the biggest bullsh*tters I've ever known, got a scathing looking from my brother who replied,
"Dad, why can't you just ever tell the truth? Why do you always have to lie to me?"
Hahahahaha...
doodledawne:
My girl aged 6 had enough of me asking her to tidy her room. She stood boldly in front of me and said "I will not be your puppet!" Then she made scissor shapes with her fingers and before storming upstairs, said "This is me cutting the strings". She does love a dramatic exit.
krmore:
A few from my son age 5
Me: boy I smell Trin I need to go take a shower.
Trin: whew I smell too.
Me: oh yeah what do you smell like?
Trin: mmmm chicken soup.
Me: and what do I smell like?
Trin: chicken butt ha ha ha ha
babblon:
My son was 4, and he had been noticing a lot of differences - skin color, body types, etc. I had told him that if he ever had questions about someone's differences, to wait until we were alone and we could talk about it.
It backfired one day when he started screaming "Mommy, mommy, we need to go back to the car so we can talk about that super huge fat lady!"
pnutandsamsmom:
My 11 year old, Sammy, says funny things on a daily basis! I carry a little book in my purse and write them all down so I won't ever forget them. Just in the last 2 weeks, he has said the following:
1. Sammy was drinking cranberry juice for the first time. He asked what the weird taste was. I told him it was "tart." He responded, "Well, I only like Pop Tarts."
2. We were watching Wipeout and a British contestant got smashed in the groin and Sammy yells, "That British guy just got hit in his British nuts!" (I got onto him but had to laugh & write it in the book!)
3. We were watching Disney's "Beauty and the Beast." After Gaston stabbed the Beast, Sammy looks at me and says as serious as can be, "He just got shanked." (How does he even know what that means?)
4. Sammy was walking his dog after school the other day, runs into the house breathing heavy and slams the door. I asked him what was wrong and he stammers, "The Jehovah's witnesses are after me!"
5. I picked him up from school yesterday, and the first thing he says to me is, "Before I get in and sit down, I have to scratch my butt."
6. A few days ago when I picked Sammy up from school, he gets in the car and says, "I have bad news and good news. The bad news is I have 2 sheets of math homework. The good news is a T-Rex did NOT attack the school today."
7. Sammy has been practicing kung fu for 7 years. Last week he bought real metal nunchucks with his own money. He has been sleeping with them and carrying them everywhere he goes. Out of the blue he asks me, "Mom, how old do you have to be to make a will?" I know for a fact it's because he is mulling over who he is going to leave the nunchucks to if he goes anytime soon.
Had to add two more that Sammy said just today!
1. His older brother was leaving for a wilderness survival campout with Boy Scouts, so he goes to say goodbye to him. In the sweetest, happiest voice, he yells, "Have fun! Don't get mauled by a bear!"
2. On the ride home from the movie, Sammy is talking up about Doctor Who, as usual. He says that if he ever invents a time machine, he is going to go back in time to the Japan earthquake/tsunami and punch it in the face.
Sorry for so many folks, but Sammy did it again yesterday! My family and friends seriously have asked me to start a blog...
We went into Bath & Body Works and Sammy HATES that store. I told Sammy to pick something for him out of the Men's section and he looks at me and says, "I am not a MAN, I am a CHILD." The best part was some other ladies heard him and were cracking up laughing!
----
The winners will be contacted over the next few days!
If you didn't win or missed your chance to participate, don't worry! We will be back with another Out of The Mouth of Babes contest next month. Keep your eyes and ears open, because you never know what crazy things those kids are going to come up with.
As promised here are the winners of our first Out of The Mouth Of Babes Contest! Judging this was no easy task. I originally said we were going to have 5 winners, but one of you had so many gems to share I couldn't resist adding one more winner to the bunch. Seriously, pnutandsamsmom should win just for having the brilliant forethought to carry a book around just to write these things down in! I love it!
rsgeek:
When our little one was a bit littler (about 3-1/2), she and I were out doing last-minute Christmas shopping, listening to holiday tunes on the drive. One of the songs mentioned "2,000 years" in the refrain, so she asked me what that was about. I explained, and after a pause to think she burst out -- "Daddy, you're almost as old as Jesus!"
And here I thought I looked young for my age...
Chelsea:
I sadly don't have kids yet, but when my brother was little we were on a family road trip and him and my Dad went to use the restroom and...
My brother looked up at the condom dispenser and asked my dad what it was; my Dad had been reading a book that had instructed him to tell kids the truth when they asked adult questions so my Dad replied,
"Well Ben sometimes grown ups like to have fun, and the man takes one of these things like a balloon and puts it on his peepee so he doesn't make the girl have a baby"
My Dad, who has been one of the biggest bullsh*tters I've ever known, got a scathing looking from my brother who replied,
"Dad, why can't you just ever tell the truth? Why do you always have to lie to me?"
Hahahahaha...
doodledawne:
My girl aged 6 had enough of me asking her to tidy her room. She stood boldly in front of me and said "I will not be your puppet!" Then she made scissor shapes with her fingers and before storming upstairs, said "This is me cutting the strings". She does love a dramatic exit.
krmore:
A few from my son age 5
Me: boy I smell Trin I need to go take a shower.
Trin: whew I smell too.
Me: oh yeah what do you smell like?
Trin: mmmm chicken soup.
Me: and what do I smell like?
Trin: chicken butt ha ha ha ha
babblon:
My son was 4, and he had been noticing a lot of differences - skin color, body types, etc. I had told him that if he ever had questions about someone's differences, to wait until we were alone and we could talk about it.
It backfired one day when he started screaming "Mommy, mommy, we need to go back to the car so we can talk about that super huge fat lady!"
pnutandsamsmom:
My 11 year old, Sammy, says funny things on a daily basis! I carry a little book in my purse and write them all down so I won't ever forget them. Just in the last 2 weeks, he has said the following:
1. Sammy was drinking cranberry juice for the first time. He asked what the weird taste was. I told him it was "tart." He responded, "Well, I only like Pop Tarts."
2. We were watching Wipeout and a British contestant got smashed in the groin and Sammy yells, "That British guy just got hit in his British nuts!" (I got onto him but had to laugh & write it in the book!)
3. We were watching Disney's "Beauty and the Beast." After Gaston stabbed the Beast, Sammy looks at me and says as serious as can be, "He just got shanked." (How does he even know what that means?)
4. Sammy was walking his dog after school the other day, runs into the house breathing heavy and slams the door. I asked him what was wrong and he stammers, "The Jehovah's witnesses are after me!"
5. I picked him up from school yesterday, and the first thing he says to me is, "Before I get in and sit down, I have to scratch my butt."
6. A few days ago when I picked Sammy up from school, he gets in the car and says, "I have bad news and good news. The bad news is I have 2 sheets of math homework. The good news is a T-Rex did NOT attack the school today."
7. Sammy has been practicing kung fu for 7 years. Last week he bought real metal nunchucks with his own money. He has been sleeping with them and carrying them everywhere he goes. Out of the blue he asks me, "Mom, how old do you have to be to make a will?" I know for a fact it's because he is mulling over who he is going to leave the nunchucks to if he goes anytime soon.
Had to add two more that Sammy said just today!
1. His older brother was leaving for a wilderness survival campout with Boy Scouts, so he goes to say goodbye to him. In the sweetest, happiest voice, he yells, "Have fun! Don't get mauled by a bear!"
2. On the ride home from the movie, Sammy is talking up about Doctor Who, as usual. He says that if he ever invents a time machine, he is going to go back in time to the Japan earthquake/tsunami and punch it in the face.
Sorry for so many folks, but Sammy did it again yesterday! My family and friends seriously have asked me to start a blog...
We went into Bath & Body Works and Sammy HATES that store. I told Sammy to pick something for him out of the Men's section and he looks at me and says, "I am not a MAN, I am a CHILD." The best part was some other ladies heard him and were cracking up laughing!
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The winners will be contacted over the next few days!
If you didn't win or missed your chance to participate, don't worry! We will be back with another Out of The Mouth of Babes contest next month. Keep your eyes and ears open, because you never know what crazy things those kids are going to come up with.
I guess you could call this French designed little beauty a cardboard outhouse.
The Ma Cacabane, by Piroutte Cacahouete, is a little cardboard house you put over you child's potty. It's a way for you to give your shy potty user a little privacy without having to leave them alone in the bathroom.
Conceptually I think this great. I do, however, worry whether the child will blur the lines between play and poo time. It could end up being a kind of gross playhouse.
Link
The Ma Cacabane, by Piroutte Cacahouete, is a little cardboard house you put over you child's potty. It's a way for you to give your shy potty user a little privacy without having to leave them alone in the bathroom.
Conceptually I think this great. I do, however, worry whether the child will blur the lines between play and poo time. It could end up being a kind of gross playhouse.
Link
Are you constantly surprised by the odd things your children feel compelled to say? I know I am! This is my list of the top 5 strangest things my kids have said to me This Week.
1. You were born a long time ago! You have had a lot of birthdays! - The 4-year old
I have never been one to obsess about my age. Frankly, I have too many other things to obsess about. I like to save my anxiety for things that will eventually turn my children into well rounded crispies or tea cups.
Thanks to my 4-year old, however, I am starting to doubt my youthful appearance. Maybe I should start obsessing about my age. I have a to-do list that lays out my daily neuroses. I am sure can squeeze in being freaked out about my age somewhere.
2. I picked a lot of books. I don't think we have enough money for all the books. You need to go to work and make more money. - The 4-year old
I am a Mom. That means I say "no" a lot. I try to be honest with the kids. We don't have the money to buy everything. It's a simple allocation of funds issue.
My 4-year old's solution to all money issues: Mommy needs to get her butt back to the office and make more money. On the plus side, at least she is a problem solver.
3. Ring the Bell!!! - The Baby
The Baby loves to ring the doorbell. Now that she is starting to talk more she has learned to say scream , "Ring the bell!" The first time she said it I was so excited.
It really is wonderful when you child finally learns to speak. You also can't help but be awed by their ability to put together small sentences. It really is a wonderful time.
The problem is that the Baby flat out refuses to say Mama. Oh, she will say Dada and Daddy and a whole slew of other words, but not Mama. If you ask her to say Mama you will get one of two responses:
a) She will ignore you and turn her head away.
b) She will say Dada and laugh at you.
Now to add insult to injury the beautiful little booger is making mini sentences. Seriously, it is just a matter of time before she refers to me as, "hey lady!"
4. Do you know Justin Bieber? Katelyn knows Justin Bieber, but I don't know Justin Bieber. I don't think I like Justin Bieber. - The 4-year old
How did this happen? I thought you had to be a pre-teen to know about Justin Bieber. I didn't think preschoolers knew anything about him. Obviously I know nothing.
I didn't tell her that I knew who Justin was. Nor did I mention his tendency to wear purple. If the 4-year old knew about the purple I am sure she would like Justin.
5. When Nermal dives and goes to doggy heaven can we get a dog? - The 4-year old
Some how the 4-year old thinks that diving and dieing are the same thing. Basically when you die you swim off to Heaven. I don't know if scuba gear is required for the trip. I haven't really discussed the whole concept with her at length.
Nermal is our pet cat. I am not sure how the cat is going to feel about going to doggy heaven. Nermal isn't that thrilled with dogs here on earth.
Bonus: Mommy, I need a bucket and some bricks. I am going to make a Leprechaun boobie-trap! Those Leprechauns are very sneaky! - The 4-year old
I don't know what she plans on doing with the Leprechaun when she catches him. I wonder how he would feel about having bows in his hair. Poor little Leprechaun.
Now let's have a little fun. I dare you to share with me the craziest things your kids have said to you this week. Please put your answer in the comment section below. The funniest 5 responses will win a T-shirt from the NeatoShop and be featured in next weeks post.
Please write your T-shirt selection alongside your guess. If you don't include a selection, you forfeit the prize, okay?
Happy commenting!
Update(3/22/11): This contest is now over. Thank you to everyone who participated! The winners are listed in part two.
1. You were born a long time ago! You have had a lot of birthdays! - The 4-year old
I have never been one to obsess about my age. Frankly, I have too many other things to obsess about. I like to save my anxiety for things that will eventually turn my children into well rounded crispies or tea cups.
Thanks to my 4-year old, however, I am starting to doubt my youthful appearance. Maybe I should start obsessing about my age. I have a to-do list that lays out my daily neuroses. I am sure can squeeze in being freaked out about my age somewhere.
2. I picked a lot of books. I don't think we have enough money for all the books. You need to go to work and make more money. - The 4-year old
I am a Mom. That means I say "no" a lot. I try to be honest with the kids. We don't have the money to buy everything. It's a simple allocation of funds issue.
My 4-year old's solution to all money issues: Mommy needs to get her butt back to the office and make more money. On the plus side, at least she is a problem solver.
3. Ring the Bell!!! - The Baby
The Baby loves to ring the doorbell. Now that she is starting to talk more she has learned to say scream , "Ring the bell!" The first time she said it I was so excited.
It really is wonderful when you child finally learns to speak. You also can't help but be awed by their ability to put together small sentences. It really is a wonderful time.
The problem is that the Baby flat out refuses to say Mama. Oh, she will say Dada and Daddy and a whole slew of other words, but not Mama. If you ask her to say Mama you will get one of two responses:
a) She will ignore you and turn her head away.
b) She will say Dada and laugh at you.
Now to add insult to injury the beautiful little booger is making mini sentences. Seriously, it is just a matter of time before she refers to me as, "hey lady!"
4. Do you know Justin Bieber? Katelyn knows Justin Bieber, but I don't know Justin Bieber. I don't think I like Justin Bieber. - The 4-year old
How did this happen? I thought you had to be a pre-teen to know about Justin Bieber. I didn't think preschoolers knew anything about him. Obviously I know nothing.
I didn't tell her that I knew who Justin was. Nor did I mention his tendency to wear purple. If the 4-year old knew about the purple I am sure she would like Justin.
5. When Nermal dives and goes to doggy heaven can we get a dog? - The 4-year old
Some how the 4-year old thinks that diving and dieing are the same thing. Basically when you die you swim off to Heaven. I don't know if scuba gear is required for the trip. I haven't really discussed the whole concept with her at length.
Nermal is our pet cat. I am not sure how the cat is going to feel about going to doggy heaven. Nermal isn't that thrilled with dogs here on earth.
Bonus: Mommy, I need a bucket and some bricks. I am going to make a Leprechaun boobie-trap! Those Leprechauns are very sneaky! - The 4-year old
I don't know what she plans on doing with the Leprechaun when she catches him. I wonder how he would feel about having bows in his hair. Poor little Leprechaun.
Now let's have a little fun. I dare you to share with me the craziest things your kids have said to you this week. Please put your answer in the comment section below. The funniest 5 responses will win a T-shirt from the NeatoShop and be featured in next weeks post.
Please write your T-shirt selection alongside your guess. If you don't include a selection, you forfeit the prize, okay?
Happy commenting!
Update(3/22/11): This contest is now over. Thank you to everyone who participated! The winners are listed in part two.
What do you do when you have a little boy who can't attend school because of a impaired immune system? You figure out a way to let him attend school via Skype. At least that's what Our Lady of the Presentation School in Missouri did.
Lukas is unable to attend school because his immune system is still recovering from a bone marrow transplant he received last year. The transplant cured his Chronic Granulomatous Disease, but left his immune system devastated.
This system so far seems to be working out great. Lukas is able to maintain contact with his classmates as well as keep up with his studies.
Chris Morrison has more: Link
Lukas is unable to attend school because his immune system is still recovering from a bone marrow transplant he received last year. The transplant cured his Chronic Granulomatous Disease, but left his immune system devastated.
His immune system will eventually recover, but for now he has to stay germ-free. Right after he came home from Ohio, his family and the school immediately worked out a system where he could stay safe at home and still attend school.
This system so far seems to be working out great. Lukas is able to maintain contact with his classmates as well as keep up with his studies.
Chris Morrison has more: Link
A Florida Mother is angry over a Teacher's method of communication. The teacher stapled a disciplinary note to the front of her son's shirt. Yes, the child was wearing the shirt at the time.
Why would a teacher staple a note to a child? Apparently, the teacher was worried that the other notes weren't making it home.
Wouldn't a phone call been easier?
Link
Why would a teacher staple a note to a child? Apparently, the teacher was worried that the other notes weren't making it home.
Innocent said she had been getting those reports. She said she believes the teacher was upset over the child talking and embarrassed him on purpose. The mother also said she never got an apology from the teacher.
“The words that came out of her mouth were, ‘if the shirt is the problem, I will go ahead and replace the shirt for you,’” Innocent said. “I didn’t get, ‘I apologize I shouldn’t have done that.’”
Wouldn't a phone call been easier?
Link
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