As promised here are the winners of our first Out of The Mouth Of Babes Contest! Judging this was no easy task. I originally said we were going to have 5 winners, but one of you had so many gems to share I couldn't resist adding one more winner to the bunch. Seriously, pnutandsamsmom should win just for having the brilliant forethought to carry a book around just to write these things down in! I love it!
When our little one was a bit littler (about 3-1/2), she and I were out doing last-minute Christmas shopping, listening to holiday tunes on the drive. One of the songs mentioned "2,000 years" in the refrain, so she asked me what that was about. I explained, and after a pause to think she burst out -- "Daddy, you're almost as old as Jesus!"
And here I thought I looked young for my age...
I sadly don't have kids yet, but when my brother was little we were on a family road trip and him and my Dad went to use the restroom and...
My brother looked up at the condom dispenser and asked my dad what it was; my Dad had been reading a book that had instructed him to tell kids the truth when they asked adult questions so my Dad replied,
"Well Ben sometimes grown ups like to have fun, and the man takes one of these things like a balloon and puts it on his peepee so he doesn't make the girl have a baby"
My Dad, who has been one of the biggest bullsh*tters I've ever known, got a scathing looking from my brother who replied,
"Dad, why can't you just ever tell the truth? Why do you always have to lie to me?"
My girl aged 6 had enough of me asking her to tidy her room. She stood boldly in front of me and said "I will not be your puppet!" Then she made scissor shapes with her fingers and before storming upstairs, said "This is me cutting the strings". She does love a dramatic exit.
A few from my son age 5
Me: boy I smell Trin I need to go take a shower.
Trin: whew I smell too.
Me: oh yeah what do you smell like?
Trin: mmmm chicken soup.
Me: and what do I smell like?
Trin: chicken butt ha ha ha ha
My son was 4, and he had been noticing a lot of differences - skin color, body types, etc. I had told him that if he ever had questions about someone's differences, to wait until we were alone and we could talk about it.
It backfired one day when he started screaming "Mommy, mommy, we need to go back to the car so we can talk about that super huge fat lady!"
My 11 year old, Sammy, says funny things on a daily basis! I carry a little book in my purse and write them all down so I won't ever forget them. Just in the last 2 weeks, he has said the following:
1. Sammy was drinking cranberry juice for the first time. He asked what the weird taste was. I told him it was "tart." He responded, "Well, I only like Pop Tarts."
2. We were watching Wipeout and a British contestant got smashed in the groin and Sammy yells, "That British guy just got hit in his British nuts!" (I got onto him but had to laugh & write it in the book!)
3. We were watching Disney's "Beauty and the Beast." After Gaston stabbed the Beast, Sammy looks at me and says as serious as can be, "He just got shanked." (How does he even know what that means?)
4. Sammy was walking his dog after school the other day, runs into the house breathing heavy and slams the door. I asked him what was wrong and he stammers, "The Jehovah's witnesses are after me!"
5. I picked him up from school yesterday, and the first thing he says to me is, "Before I get in and sit down, I have to scratch my butt."
6. A few days ago when I picked Sammy up from school, he gets in the car and says, "I have bad news and good news. The bad news is I have 2 sheets of math homework. The good news is a T-Rex did NOT attack the school today."
7. Sammy has been practicing kung fu for 7 years. Last week he bought real metal nunchucks with his own money. He has been sleeping with them and carrying them everywhere he goes. Out of the blue he asks me, "Mom, how old do you have to be to make a will?" I know for a fact it's because he is mulling over who he is going to leave the nunchucks to if he goes anytime soon.
Had to add two more that Sammy said just today!
1. His older brother was leaving for a wilderness survival campout with Boy Scouts, so he goes to say goodbye to him. In the sweetest, happiest voice, he yells, "Have fun! Don't get mauled by a bear!"
2. On the ride home from the movie, Sammy is talking up about Doctor Who, as usual. He says that if he ever invents a time machine, he is going to go back in time to the Japan earthquake/tsunami and punch it in the face.
Sorry for so many folks, but Sammy did it again yesterday! My family and friends seriously have asked me to start a blog...
We went into Bath & Body Works and Sammy HATES that store. I told Sammy to pick something for him out of the Men's section and he looks at me and says, "I am not a MAN, I am a CHILD." The best part was some other ladies heard him and were cracking up laughing!
The winners will be contacted over the next few days!
If you didn't win or missed your chance to participate, don't worry! We will be back with another Out of The Mouth of Babes contest next month. Keep your eyes and ears open, because you never know what crazy things those kids are going to come up with.
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