Esquire’s list of things every man should master contains some good advice, and some surprises.

11. Swim three different strokes. Doggie paddle doesn't count.

14. Chop down a tree. Know your escape path. When the tree starts to fall, use it.

27. Play gin with an old guy. Old men will try to crush you. They'll drown you in meaningless chatter, tell stories about when they were kids this or in Korea that. Or they'll retreat into a taciturn posture designed to get you to do the talking. They'll note your strategies without mentioning them, keep the stakes at a level they can control, and change up their pace of play just to get you stumbling. You have to do this -- play their game, be it dominoes or cribbage or chess. They may have been playing for decades. You take a beating as a means of absorbing the lessons they've learned without taking a lesson. But don't be afraid to take them down. They can handle it.

29. Understand quantum physics well enough that he can accept that a quarter might, at some point, pass straight through the table when dropped.

Sometimes the laws of physics aren't laws at all. Read The Quantum World: Quantum Physics for Everyone, by Kenneth W. Ford.

30. Feign interest. Good place to start: quantum physics.

Link -via Gorilla Mask

(illustration: Leif Parsons)

French fries? No, this is candy! The fries are made of marshmallow, and the “ketchup” is strawberry sauce. I don’t think I could handle the cognitive dissonance of trying them out. Link -via Unique Daily

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This beats laying on the bed to get them zipped up anytime! -via Arbroath

He may look like a panther, but he’s all jaguar. A rare black jaguar cub was born a couple of months ago at the Huachipa zoo in Lima. The unnamed youngster is the third of this endangered species to be born in capitivity in Peru. You can see his faint jaguar markings in another picture at Green Expander. Link -via Fark

Correction: Jess left a comment and told me something I did not know:

Black jaguars are panthers. Any jaguar, leopard, or cougar who is born black can be called a black panther.

I had always thought a panther was a black leopard only, but Wikipedia says Jess is right!

Legoland Windsor in Berkshire, England has the world’s largest Lego tower ever! The tower, shaped like a Viking longboat, was completed just a couple of days ago with the help of park visitors. Children built 20 cm sections, which were hoisted in place by crane.

The park's special events manager, Penny Jenkins, said: "We are thrilled to bring the World Record to Legoland Windsor after four days of hard work, not to mention nearly 500,000 bricks, and it now stands at nearly 100ft.

"It has been a great way to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the Lego bricks." The record attempt is awaiting official verification by Guinness World Records.

The official record is held by a 96-foot tower built in Toronto last year. Link -via Gizmodo

See how Americans report spending their economic stimulus checks, and submit your own report at the blog How I Spent My Stimulus. Doug in Ohio sent this picture in, saying:

"I bought 25 yards of mulch which included a back ache. Fun, Fun, Fun!"

http://www.howispentmystimulus.com/ -via Cynical-C

Beauty is an Alaskan bald eagle whose beak was shot off several years ago. She was found in 2005, unable to properly hunt or eat. She was taken to a refuge, but her beak did not grow back. Now she will get a new one!

"For Beauty it's like using only one chopstick to eat. It can't be done" said biologist Jane Fink Cantwell, who operates a raptor recovery center in this Idaho Panhandle town. "She has trouble drinking. She can't preen her feathers. That's all about to change."

Cantwell has spent the past two years assembling a team to design and build an artificial beak. They plan to attach it to Beauty next month. With the beak, the 7-year-old bald eagle could live to the age of 50, although not in the wild.

"She could not survive in the wild without human intervention," Cantwell said.

The nylon-composite beak will be glued on, so it won’t be strong enough to rip flesh like a normal eagle, but will allow her to drink normally and eat food she is given. Link -via Digg

User-generated content on the internet can reach more people than high-budget films. How long will it be before Hollywood comes up with a completely user-generated film? Darius Monsef of COLOURlovers has written an article for Cineleet that looks at examples that show how close we are getting.

Spike Lee doesn’t think we’re too far off. He has teamed up with Nokia to direct a film made with mobile phone footage from every day people. “You are seeing first hand the democratization of film,” Lee said in a statement on Thursday. “Aspiring filmmakers no longer have to go to film school to make great work. With a simple mobile phone, almost anyone can now become a filmmaker.”

See video evidence in the post. Link -via Digg

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The little xylophone has a strange effect on this cat. -via Arbroath

The Lunchtime Quiz at mental_floss will test your knowledge of TV situation comedies of the 80s (and there were a lot of them). I only scored 60% today, because back in the 80s I didn’t think to ask if there would be a test on this material. Ha! http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/14627

A goldfish named Comet has been trained to play soccer, basketball, and even dance the limbo! He can also fetch and swim a slalom around tiny poles in his tank. Comet’s owner, Dr. Dean Pomerleau used the technique of positive reinforcement by rewarding Comet with food.

Dr Pomerleau insisted there was nothing fishy about his claim, saying anyone can teach their pet to perform similar tricks.

"There is mounting evidence that fish are more intelligent than people give them credit for," the fish training expert said.

"With the correct tools and the basic promise of a food reward, fish can very quickly learn complex tricks - like the limbo, slalom or playing fetch.

"Now people in the market for a dog might want to consider a fish instead."

The two-year-old fish has been called the world’s most intelligent goldfish. Link -via Fark

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People who have lost the ability to move have been using “gaze technology” to communicate by computer for years, but the technology has been too slow to operate in virtual worlds, until now. A team led by Stephen Vickers of De Montfort University, Leicester, UK has developed new software that allows the eyes to select functions and temporarily turn off tracking just by the movement of the gaze.

"Even though a user in, say, Second Life might look as if they are able-bodied, if they can't operate and communicate as fast as everyone else, they could be perceived as having a disability," he told New Scientist, adding that there is a privacy issue for players who may prefer not to reveal their disability in the virtual world.

The developments are "hugely important", according to Mick Donegan, who works with severely disabled children and adults at Oxford-based charity and COGAIN partner, SpecialEffect.

"Enabling someone to express themselves and engage with people in ways that they can't do in real life – because they are restricted to a wheelchair or a bed – can have a really positive effect on their self-esteem and motivation," says Donegan.

Link -via Geek Like Me

The aim of the game is to escape from the pig pen using a combination of fart skill and aviation techniques and stay airborne for as long as possible.

Start by using the left arrow. Then all you need is the up arrow for fart power, but don’t fly too high. Keep an eye on the fartometer! Collect beans to replenish it, and avoid the white doves. http://www.panlogic.co.uk/zed/fart_game/ -via the Presurfer

Brenda Owen was walking her golden labrador retriever Penny by the Elwy River in St. Asaph, Wales when she spotted a wheelchair on the shore and a body in the water.

“I shouted: “Are you all right love?”

When there was no answer, Brenda shouted: “Fetch! fetch!” and instinctively Penny jumped into the torrent.

Brenda said: “The current was quite fast. It was obvious that the woman was unconscious and myself and the man went to help Penny who had dragged the woman back to the riverbank.

“The woman was unconscious for about five minutes and had injured herself.”

The victim, who had been reported missing from a nearby home, was taken to a hospital for treatment. Owen is proud of her ten-year-old dog.

“Penny is a very obedient dog and we’ve had her since she was a pup. She’s a local dog but this is the first time that she’s saved anybody’s life‘,” added Brenda.”

Link -via Arbroath

Elephants are expensive to feed and care for, and many of India’s elephants earn their living with years of hard work. Then after the elephants are too old for labor, they are often neglected or cast aside due to their maintenance costs. But a new retirement home is opening on a thousand-acre preserve at Kottur, Kerala. The government will pay a nominal fee to buy elephants too old for work and provide them with room to roam and proper veterinary care.

"We want them to enjoy their last years after being such good workers without worrying where their next meal will come from," said V.S. Verghese, Kerala's chief wildlife warden who is in charge of the scheme.

"They'll get special treats like big slabs of rice, a course sugar called jaggery, and honey. And vets will be on hand."

The first 30 elephants are scheduled to move in this month. Link -via Fark