Adding subtitles is work best left done to professionals. Professionals usually work only with languages they actually speak and read. Urlesque has a collection of screen captures featuring subtitles so bad they deserve to be kept for posterity. Some are TV feeds, which have to be done in an instant, but most are bootlegged movies transcribed by ear, or possibly by alchemy. Link

It's been an eventful week here at Neatorama, including the server going down for a few hours this morning. I'm glad you checked back!

Help me welcome a new author to the Neato staff, whom you will recognize in posts by the username marcmywords. Marc's own site is The Red Dwarf Inn.

Two blessed events occurred in rapid order: author John Farrier's wife gave birth to Sophia on Monday, then Wednesday, author Stacy Conradt delivered her first baby, Lydia Louise. Both little girls are pretty as pictures.

We started out the week commemorating Memorial Day with an article from Uncle John's Bathroom reader about the origin of the bugle call "Taps", Day is Done.

Jill Harness posted The Coolest Bikes on Two (Or More) Wheels, containing wacky and wonderful bicycle designs.

From mental_floss magazine, we learned about Flowers You Shouldn't Stop to Smell, because they might hurt you, or at least offend your olfactory senses.

And if you check just below this post, you'll see Jill's tribute to author Richard Scarry on the 91st anniversary of his birth.

We had lots of winners this week, including Nathan Miller, who won an iPad in the Upcoming Queue competition that ran all through the month of May. Three runners-up also won prizes from the Neato Shop. Even though the contest is done, you are all invited to the UQ to try your hand at writing your own Neatorama posts, voting for the best submitted posts, or even just looking around for more neat links.

Congratulations to sudomon, ozzycow, and dennis who won a copy of The Book of Awesome by Neil Pasricha in the Awesome Thing contest. Three other readers won prizes from the Neato Shop: breezy ("That's How I Roll" T-Shirt), laurangatang (Cool Jewels Ice tray), and harmonyroc ("Survive LHC" T-shirt).

Congratulations to jeacobacci, reader 23, and Rhiley, who all won the RARE book on endangered species by Joel Sartore that we featured in the Spotlight Blog.

No one correctly identified the whale oil lamp in the What Is It? game, but Augie won a prize for the funniest answer, “Stanley Hookah Pipe.”

Over at NeatoBambino, we got a look at what's taking over Tiffany and Alex's garden. NeatoGeek published a bunch of the funniest sci-fi and comics links and videos on the net. And there are several new artists appearing in the Indie Art Blog, go check them out!

The Stinky

(Image credit: Flickr user b-nik)

The Voodoo Lily Take comfort, Jan Bradys of the world! The voodoo lily-along with other jaded members of the arum plant family-has found an effective way to cope with having the pretty and popular calla lily for a relative. Refusing to go unnoticed, the voodoo lily generates a distinctive odor said to approximate that of rotting flesh. And while this helps it attract flies and other pollination-worthy friends, this "sacred lily of India" has another trick up its sleeve. Common in Asia, the voodoo lily is reportedly able to rid the body of toxins. Of course, that hasn't prevented the more superficial types in other parts of the world from dubbing it "stink lily" and "devil's tongue".

(Image credit: Flickr user Jami Dwyer)

Skunk Cabbage Also a member of the arum family, the foul-smelling skunk cabbage grows mostly in Canada and is known as "devil's tobacco". (Apparently, Satan isn't much of a connoisseur.) In late winter, skunk cabbage gives off heat in order to melt the surrounding snow, strategically making it one of the first plants visible to flies when spring comes. But to its benefit, if its leaves are damaged for any reason, the skunk cabbage uses its ability to release a foul odor to keep predators away and protect itself.

The Sinister

(Image credit: Flickr user goateebird)

The Stinging Tree For low-lying plants in the rainforest, it can be a pretty hard-knock life. Being the farthest thing from the sun's rays and the closest thing to hungry herbivores, ground-dwellers such as the stinging tree of Australia have learned a special way to hog any light they can get.  In order to seize its brief moments in the sun, the plant is equipped with leaves covered in tiny, shard-like hairs just nasty enough to irritate the crap out of any human or plant that dares invade its personal space. So, how nasty is nasty? Australian legend holds that some stinging tree victims have killed themselves rather than endure the pain.

(Image credit: Flickr user petrichor)

The Venus Fly Trap Not familiar with the Dionaea muscipula? You might know it better by its wicked nickname, the Venus Flytrap. And while that's a plenty-cool pseudonym these days, the misogynistic botanists who came up with it in the 17th century didn't mean for it to be flattering. They tried to draw a connection between the Flytrap's method of luring insects and what they saw as the world's other great temptress: the vagina.

(Image credit: Flickr user robstephaustralia)

The Cobra Plant Possibly one of the sneakiest carnivorous plants out there, this pitcher-plant relative attracts insects with its long, bright, purple-spotted stalk. When a bug lands on the "cobra tongue" and follows the sweet smell of nectar into the bulb , it gets caught ...but doesn't die. In fact, the insect is only killed when it tries to escape. Because the walls of the cobra bulb are translucent, an insect is given the false impression that it can simply fly out of the cobra's lair and go on to live a long, multi-day life. Instead, the bug bumps against the wall, rolls down the stalk, and drowns in the cobra's digesting pool at the bottom.

Of course, tricking a fly is one thing. Tricking a monkey is quite another. According to legend, some Asian pitcher plants, known as nepenthes, have swallowed snakes and small monkeys. However, many botanists believe the largest item consumed by a pitcher plant of any kind to be a frog or small rodent.

(Image credit: Flickr user peupleloup)

Bladderworts Scared of swimming in large bodies of water? Quit worrying about snakes and start focusing your irrational fears on the rootless, carnivorous plants known as bladderworts. These 7-foot-long monstrosities boast hungry bladders-small, hollow sacs designed to ensnare and entrap small animals such as water fleas and aquatic worms. In fact, when prey swim near the plant, tiny hairs on the surface of the bladder are triggered, cuing the bladderwort to take in a big sip of water, thus drawing in its victim.

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The article above appeared in the Scatterbrained section of the January-February 2006 issue of mental_floss magazine. It is reprinted here with permission.

Don't forget to feed your brain by subscribing to the magazine and visiting mental_floss' extremely entertaining website and blog today for more!

Andrew Brian McKnight was standing outside the Murfreesboro, Tennessee Waffle House where he worked when three teenagers walked outside, followed by a waitress who said they hadn't paid for their order. McKnight approached the group. The three jumped in a car, and the driver started forward, bumping McKnight. He fell on the hood of the vehicle, which took off. The coffee he was holding spilled on the car hood and made it slippery. While the car sped down the road, McKnight managed to call 911.

"Yeah, I need you to send a cop car to Highway 99 at Cason Lane immediately," McKnight tells police after dialing 911. "I'm stuck on the hood of somebody's car and they refuse to stop."

"Now, do what now?" the dispatcher responds.

Eighteen-year-old Christopher Allen Miller drove for about five minutes at up to 60 mph with McKnight on the hood. When he stopped, McKnight demanded the car keys and gave the teenager a piece of his mind. Police arrested Miller, and turned his two juvenile passengers over to their parents. McKnight was not injured. http://www.dnj.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=20106030323 -via Fark

(image credit: Aaron Thompson/DNJ)

Open your lunchbox and look who's looking back at you! Susan Yuen of Hawai`i's Bento Box Cookbook made this Gene Simmons box lunch of rice, chicken, and seaweed. The tongue is made of boloney! Link -Thanks, Brennan!

I just found out about another blessed event that occurred on Monday of this week. Neatorama author John Farrier (who runs NeatoGeek) and his wife welcomed baby Sophia! Then for some reason, he got busy and didn't tell us. John referred to her as "my newest little Ferengi" (although she is much prettier than any Ferengi could hope to be). Congratulations to mom, dad, and the whole family!

Congratulations to Neatorama author Stacy Conradt (Stacy Bee) and her husband, who welcomed their first child Lydia Louise into the world yesterday! Lydia weighed 6 pounds, 15 ounces and measured 20.5 inches long. Mother and baby are fine, and Lydia's parents and grandparents are as proud as punch! You can see a couple more pictures at NeatoBambino.

(YouTube link)

What happens when you turn a starfish upside down? This nine-legged starfish couldn't have been too happy about the experiment, but he had a good recovery plan. -via Bits and Pieces

If pop culture had its own university, we'd have many experts on the faculty -and quite a few that will give you a laugh. Pictured here are just a few of the science department staff. Wait until you see who's in law! Click to enlarge the picture at the link and you'll get the full roster. I heard that the original chart was developed at 4chan's /tv/ board, so it may have many creators. Link -via reddit

Color photographs from up to 100 years ago! See pictures from the archives of Albert Kahn, who had collected 180,000 black and white photos and 72,000 autochrome plates by 1929. Autochrome was an early method of putting color into photos, involving potato starch in primary colors. It was first used by the Lumière brothers  in 1907. Link -via Metafilter

(Image credit: Musée Albert-Kahn)

It's been done before, but the effect is still funny! These shirts were designed for the Dutch Football Federation for the 2010 World Cup tournament beginning next week in South Africa. Do I see a woman wearing one of these in the background? Link -via Nag on the Lake

Imagine you are stranded in the woods with no way to call for help. An unnamed man in Saskatchewan found himself in just such a position, but he figured out a plan that worked. He cut down some power line poles! Several hundred people in Wollaston Lake and Hatchet Lake Denesuline Nation lost electrical power for two days. But the power company found the lost traveler.

"He was found under his boat in a very distressed state, so essentially he was stranded for a number of days and just desperate for people to know where he was," SaskPower spokesman James Parker said.

The man reported he had been on a boat on the lake when he hit bad weather. He ended up stranded in the bush, with no way to communicate with the outside world, Parker said.

But he had an axe and he knew SaskPower would have to check the downed line, so he went to work.

"Essentially it was mission accomplished, because we got the call, we chartered a helicopter … and on Friday around noon we discovered him," Parker said.

http://www.cbc.ca/canada/saskatchewan/story/2010/05/31/sk-power-pole-survival-1005.html -via Fark

At NeatoBambino, we find out there are children's songs and lullabies in the Klingon language. Sing them to your child, and he or she may end up like the baby in the included video! http://www.neatorama.com/neatobambino/2010/05/30/childrens-songs-in-klingon/

(zapp link)

A group of Hungarian dogs have a great time at the beach. -via Everlasting Blort

In many TV shows, you know someone by their nickname, and you only know their given name if you pay close attention. In this Lunchtime Quiz from mental_floss, you'll have to match up characters' nicknames with the character's real name on the show. I scored 60%, which means I missed every one that I took a guess on. Link