It's been two years, and we've all learned more about viruses than we ever thought we'd need to know. So, when will the pandemic end? The short answer is: we don't know. The more helpful answer is: it depends on a few different factors that we can't exactly predict now, but with a primer on what we've learned about coronaviruses in general and COVID-19 in particular, we can expect one of several different scenarios. Six scenarios, to be exact. Or at least that's what the guys from AsapSCIENCE tell us. They are basing these predictions on the history of the 1918 flu pandemic plus what happened to other coronaviruses, and the timeline of how COVID-19 has spread, mutated, and attacked. These changes give us clues about what may come next. The bad news is that this virus may always be with us. The good news is that the longer it hangs around, the more we know its secrets and how to deal with it. -via Digg

1950: In the 21st century, robots will do all our chores!
2022: We regret to inform you that robots have discovered r/antiworkhttps://t.co/QVRRVRYJJI

— Drivelcast (@drivelcast) January 22, 2022

A robot vacuum cleaner made a break for freedom from the Travelodge hotel in Cambridge, UK, on Thursday. The hotel has an army of vacuums, but this one worked its way right out the front door, slipping right over the lip of the doorway that would have normally stopped it. You could say it made a clean getaway. However, there is always the possibility that someone aided and abetted its escape. Hotel management posted an alert on social media for locals to be on the lookout for the vacuum cleaner.  

While some readers joked about the robot's adventures, one feared for its safety in the great outdoors, pointing out that "nature abhors a vacuum".

However, much to everyone's relief, the device was found nestled under a hedge on Friday afternoon by a (human) hotel cleaner sprucing up the front drive.

And that's what you get on a slow news day at the BBC.  -via reddit

After the Battle of Guam in 1944, thousands of Japanese soldiers refused to surrender, and hid in the jungle, preferring to fight on their own instead of being captured by the Americans. By the time the war ended a year later, there were still 130 Japanese holding out on Guam. They ran and hid whenever they were spotted, refusing to endure the dishonor of defeat. Shouichi Yokoi was among them. Leaflets were dropped on the island, but Yokoi considered them enemy propaganda and not to be believed. He lived with other holdouts, until one by one they left, died, or were captured. Finally, he spent eight years without seeing another human being.

In all, Shouichi Yokoi spent almost 28 years on Guam. Only in January of 1972 did he run into two fishermen, who overpowered him and took him to civilization. Back in Japan, he received a hero's welcome, but the public was split between honoring him for his dedication to duty and pity for a life wasted. Read about Shouichi Yokoi, how he survived alone on Guam, and what happened after he was found, at Smithsonian.

They call them Dad jokes now, but they've always been puns. Wordplay. Groaners. Dan Opsal and John Haskell of the Real Big Boys YouTube channel play Pip Ketchip and Nic Musterd on a picnic. They seem to be looking for a world record in stuffing as many puns as they can into two minutes. Forget trying to follow the conversation, as they get distracted constantly by the alternate meaning of a word. Since there's no pause for laughter, and no reaction from the principle punsters, you are guaranteed to miss some of the jokes as they fly by. Yeah, you'll probably have to watch this twice. Don't stop to laugh or groan. And don't be surprised if you get grated cheese on your hot dates.  -via Laughing Squid

Actor and singer Meat Loaf, best known for his 1977 album Bat Out of Hell and his longtime collaboration with composer Jim Steinman, passed away at his home with his family surrounding him. Born Marvin Lee Aday in Dallas, he earned the nickname Meat Loaf before he ever started his musical career. After playing in a local band, he went to the musical stage, appearing in the Los Angeles cast of Hair and other productions, eventually moving to the Broadway production of Hair. His turn in the stage production of The Rocky Horror Show led to Meat Loaf reprising the role of Eddie in the movie The Rocky Horror Picture Show. He and Steinman devoted five years to the album Bat Out of Hell, which turned Meat Loaf into an arena musician. He still appeared in an occasional film afterward, such as Fight Club. Read his life story at The Guardian. Meat Loaf was 74.

The announcement of Meat Loaf's death brings up stories from his long career. In 1989, as his career was seen to be flagging, Meat Loaf was booked on a tour of dive bars in Ireland, promoted as "intimate" shows. The venues were always overcrowded and rowdy. One night at the Community Cen­tre in the town of Moate, things got out of hand immediately. The drunk crowd began to throw beer cans, which eventually hit the stage, then shoes, then lit cigarettes. Meat Loaf warned the crowd, then stormed off the stage. But the band, not realizing what was happening, kept playing, and the singer returned to try again. Until...

Fly­ing through the air was… a wheelchair.

The chair flew directly over Marty’s head. He turned just in time to see Meat Loaf’s eyes swell with an unusual mix­ture of both fear and won­der. The burly singer put out an arm and attempted to step back. The stage was so small he stum­bled into the drum riser just as the wheel­chair crashed onto the boards in front of him. In slow motion the big man appeared to fall, the empty wheel­chair bounc­ing to his left, one wheel com­i­cally spinning.

Marty remem­bers the crowd cheer­ing. He was sure he could make out some­one scream­ing, but by the time he could react Meat­ had got­ten to his feet, grabbed the mic, roared at the audi­ence and hurled it at them as he stormed off.

The show was over, less than half an hour in. Meat Loaf was outraged, and not only because he and his crew were put in danger. He wasn't going back on. “Not after what they did to that poor kid in the wheelchair.”

We never found out whose wheelchair was used, but the tour continued, just not in Moate. -via Metafilter

❄️ 1 inch of natural snow overnight
🌨 16 inches of snow this week
🎿 21 slopes and trails
🏂 3 terrain parks
🚡 9 am - 9 pm

Snow Report: https://t.co/rw4pGi01Tx pic.twitter.com/gNAT7Q99Ct

— Seven Springs (@7SpringsPA) January 20, 2022

Seven Springs Mountain Resort in Pennsylvania brings us their latest ski report. Sixteen inches of snow! But that's not what makes this video noteworthy. Watch it to the end, and don't drink anything until it's over.

Okay, once the video is over, you realize that you didn't really absorb a thing Abbey said, did you? Not that it matters. As funny as it turned out, we can all relate to the poor skier in the background. How did this happen? Was it serendipity thanks to the staff who didn't clear the stairs, a typical case of hard-to-walk-in ski boots, or was it staged to go viral? Give us your determination in the poll below. -via Fark

When my sister in-law was a waitress in Canada, she was taking drink orders from a group of Americans. They each ordered a glass of red wine. She suggested they choose a LITRE instead. They spoke among themselves and one man put up his hand and said - “I’ll be the leader.”

— Christine (@guelphgirlchris) December 31, 2019

Everybody has done something so embarrassing that you just want to go home and hibernate for a few years. The best of those awkward moments are those that no one present can ever forget, so they surface on the internet ten, twenty years later, and everyone can have a laugh. Just be glad that your name isn't attached to the viral Tweet.

True story:
Surgeon: Did someone fart?
Silence
Surgeon: I need to know if someone farted. I may have perforated bowel.
Med student: I farted

— Sujay Kansagra, MD (@medschooladvice) August 12, 2016

These are the questions that keep me up at night.

— Sujay Kansagra, MD (@medschooladvice) July 26, 2021

In this collection, some of the perpetrators are identified, because people do tell on themselves occasionally. Be prepared to laugh out loud at one or more of these 50 mortifying conversations, and just be glad that your most awkward and embarrassing story isn't included. ....unless it is. See the entire ranked list at Bored Panda.

Believe it or not, there are people who can't wrap their heads around the use of non-medicinal drugs before the 20th century. But it was always so, from mind-expanding hallucinogens for religious rites to painkillers to escape the grinding stress of everyday life. And for some, mood-altering drugs could aid in warfare.

We all know that you stay away from someone who is in a drug-induced frenzy, because they may have lost all sense of self-preservation. That was the story of the berserkers, who were said to be immune to fire and weapons during battle. The more likely story is that they just didn't care, and that terrified their enemies into retreat or submission. It must have been the drugs.  

Nutty History goes through a whole bunch of drugs that were available during the Viking era, which all come with some contraindications for use in warfare. We don't know what they used- it could have easily been a combination. We also don't know how many casualties they had, in drug overdose or battle, in the quest for the formula they wanted. But when it worked, it gave the berserkers a reputation that long outlasted them. -via Boing Boing

Ernest Shackleton led three expeditions to the Antarctic between 1901 and 1917. He survived all of them, but there were many moments when the possibility of death loomed large. And disasters happened. Shackleton set out on his third expedition, the Imperial Trans-Antarctic Expedition, in 1914. The expedition's ship, the Endurance, became locked in ice for a year before being crushed by it. The crew camped out on the ice, but that also began to break up, so they took the lifeboats and tried to make it to uninhabited Elephant Island, 60 miles away. Once away from the ice, they now had to contend with crashing waves in 20 degrees below zero. And getting to Elephant Island wouldn't be the end of their troubles, as it wasn't near any shipping lanes that might draw a rescue. Read about Shackleton's expedition and their escape from the wrecked Endurance at Atlas Obscura.


(Image source: Library of Congress)

YouTuber Hyperboliumn transcribed the shapes of each of the 50 United States onto a midi graph. You would have never guessed how melodic they sound when played. I think there was some tweaks made here and there to improve the sound. I know Wyoming isn't that irregular along the bottom. If you don't recognize the shape of each state, a clue might help: they are in alphabetical order. However, if you are still stumped, or you just want to find your state, there's an index at the YouTube page. -via Laughing Squid

Actress and beloved icon Betty White would have turned 100 on Monday, if she hadn't died on New Year's Eve. In her honor, New Orleans residents staged one of the first parades through the French Quarter since the pandemic began two years ago. The Betty White Memorial and 100th Birthday Parade was held on Sunday.

The parade was led by Santa Claus, who organized the event (really). There was a brass band, Betty White fans in costume carrying signs, and plenty of pets. Betty White was a lifelong advocate for animal welfare, and the parade raised funds for the Villalobos Rescue Center in her honor. You can bet there was plenty of music. In addition to the usual New Orleans parade marches, the crowd sang "Happy Birthday," "Thank You for Being a Friend," and ended with an emotional rendition of "I'll Fly Away." Read about the parade and see plenty of pictures at Fodor's Travel. -Thanks, Bicycle Bill!

Turville is a picturesque English village about 35 miles from London. It was there that Ellen Sadler was born in 1859, the youngest of ten children. Ellen was hired out as a nursemaid when she was eleven years old, but a mysterious illness put an end to her employment. The doctor noticed an abscess on her head he called a glandular swelling. Ellen spent four months in the hospital, but was sent home as incurable. She then had a few seizures, laid down to rest, and didn't wake up for nine years.

Naturally, this became village news, and the story spread further. Ellen Sadler put Turville on the map. Scientists, journalists, and the general public wanted to see the sleeping girl, and her parents obliged. The visitors often left small donations, which added a substantial amount to the poor family's earnings. Ellen's mother explained how she fed the girl with a small teapot of port wine and another of milk. As the years went by, some had their suspicions about the girl's condition. The climax of the story came when Ellen's mother died, and she was put into the custody of her older sisters. Within just a few months, Ellen woke up, by then a grown woman, and recovered completely.

There are conditions that can put someone in a coma for years, but no doctor ever had a diagnosis for Ellen Sadler. It seems unlikely that she would have survived, much less recovered completely on the life support her mother described. Read the story of Ellen Sadler at Amusing Planet.

One of the more distinctive features of a house cat is its weird vertical pupils, which don't seem all that weird to us because we are really familiar with cats. Maybe that's why the Pallas' cat seems so strange to us with their round pupils. But pupil shapes vary all along the spectrum of the animal kingdom, and each shape has a purpose for the lifestyle of its owners. In the TED-Ed video, we learn about pupil shapes in a variety of animals, including the extremely weird rectangular pupils of a goat. I was familiar with the shape, but I didn't know goats kept their pupils at the same angle when they moved their heads! And if you think that's weird, wait until they get to praying mantises. -via Laughing Squid

Here's a serious time sink for history nerds, but you don't have to be a history nerd to enjoy it. The Wiki History Game is a free browser game in which you are challenged to place historical events in chronological order. They range from carbon-dated prehistory events to movie premiere dates, but the more of them you get, the harder it is. After you've placed an event, you can turn the card over to get a link to Wikipedia for more information about the event. Win or lose, you are liable to learn something. A few people who've tried it note that 1. you don't have to be good at this game to enjoy it, and 2. you can't get any better at it by playing more. But it is addictive. I once managed to get a string of 15 events before missing one, but I've had a lot of failures, too. 

The game is fairly new. Developer Tom J. Watson asks that any cards that don't make sense be reported to Github. -via Metafilter

Dana Carvey and Mike Meyers! pic.twitter.com/LsIarT7y8E

— 𝘒𝘝17 (@kris417) January 17, 2022

Saturday Night Live has been running for 47 years now. The regular cast turns over every few years to feature a new generation of up and coming comedians. You'll find a list of 159 of them here. Who your favorite is likely depends on your age, whether you prefer John Belushi, Al Franken, Eddie Murphy, Phil Hartman, Chris Farley, Will Ferrell, Tina Fey, Leslie Jones, or Kate McKinnon.  

📺THE "FAVORITE
SNL CAST MEMBERS"
BRACKET📺

✍️Fill one out, tweet picks
🏆Final 4 & champ?

Created by @scottb804 & me

Drafted by @Jallyne @CastleShore @KevinPNavarro @TopShotYoda @scottb804 @LiseSFG22

Design by @kuhan

⭐️Round 1 begins Saturday night⭐️#snlcastbracket pic.twitter.com/8eiyupiCEQ

— Joe Manniello (@joe_manniello) January 15, 2022

On Friday, Joe Manniello launched a tournament to determine the best SNL cast member, with a bracket of 64 contenders. The replies to that Tweet have a lot of people filling out the entire bracket, but there is actual voting going on, which you can participate in by using the #snlcastbracket hashtag to find the polls. Voting is still in the first round, so there are inevitable blowouts.   

Elsewhere on Twitter, Eric Alper asked, "Who is the best SNL cast member of all time?" The replies in that thread are brimming with videos and gifs of classic skits featuring favorite cast members, so there is plenty to browse and relive the memories.

Gilda Radner and Bill Murray pic.twitter.com/idYKiSigNK

— Carol Layne (@keddle01) January 16, 2022

Eddie Murphy

SNL would have been canceled long ago if he hadn't become a cast member. pic.twitter.com/NrH735KmLB

— Jesse (@littleBIGman185) January 16, 2022

Which cast member is your favorite?