The following article is from the science humor magazine Annals of Improbable Research.

Chemistry’s colorful past
by Neil Gussman
Chemical Heritage Foundation, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Paintings of alchemists show them holding up flasks. The contents of those flasks are almost always golden in color. That’s because alchemists were obsessed with urine.

Trouble comes to the Alchemist, 17-18th century,17th century Netherlandish. (FA 2000.001.269. Oil on canvas Fisher Collection Chemical Heritage Foundation Collections.) Photo by Will Brown.

And no wonder. The limits of science all through history are set by the limits of instruments. So despite having just five senses for test instruments, the alchemist could use urine to diagnose patients and make scientific discoveries. (He was often the local healer, dentist and bleeder.) At the time when alchemy was the leading edge of chemistry, in the 16th and 17th centuries, the alchemist could observe, sniff, touch and taste this vital fluid to look for clues to the ills his patient suffered.

The Alchemist, 17th century, by Mattheus van Helmont. (Oil on canvas. Fisher Collection, Chemical Heritage Foundation Collections. FA 2000.001.277. Another alchemist working in a messy back room. This one holds the specimen at arm’s length, maybe because he is farsighted, or maybe because he decided against the sniff test. Photo by Will Brown.

The Medical Chemist, 18th century, by Franz Christoph Janneck. (Oil on copper. Fisher Collection, Chemical Heritage Foundation Collections. FA 2000.001.275.) A shabby and dirty alchemist looking for cues of the maladies of the patient through urinoscopy. Photo by Will Brown.

The Iatrochemist, 17-18th century, by Balthasar van den Bossche. (FA 2000.001.279.Oil on canvas. Fisher Collection, CHF Collections.) Many alchemy paintings hung in the homes of prosperous merchants as a warning to their children: Don’t Be an Alchemist! This painting shows the alchemist as a poor man, working in the back room of a Publick House, using his five senses to analyze an anxious lady’s urine while a dentist works in the background. This scene was almost 200 years before ether, so the alchemist worked in loud and foul conditions. Photo by Will Brown.

Arguably the greatest discovery made by an alchemist was from urine. Sometime around 1669, German alchemist Hennig Brandt distilled buckets of urine and then heated the paste that remained. In addition to creating a horrible smell, he isolated phosphorus. When the secret got out—Brandt’s neighbors certainly knew a lot about his research—alchemists across Europe began collecting urine from public loos in hopes of replicating his results. Alchemy hung on till the 19th century partly because Brandt found the route from piss to phosphorus.

Science, 17-18th century, after Gerard Thomas. (Oil on canvas. Fisher Collection, Chemical Heritage Foundation Collections. FA 2000.001.265.) This atypical alchemist works in clean clothes in neat surroundings with servants and a dog at his side, but he is still staring at a beaker of urine. Photo by Will Brown.

Acknowledgement

Thanks to Amanda Antonucci, assistant image archivist at the Chemical Heritage Foundation, for help in preparing the historical images displayed here.

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This article is republished with permission from the July-August 2008 issue of the Annals of Improbable Research. You can download or purchase back issues of the magazine, or subscribe to receive future issues. Or get a subscription for someone as a gift!

Visit their website for more research that makes people LAUGH and then THINK.

Osmar Persisco of Garibaldi, Brazil, took his dog out for exercise in a field and was approached by two robbers who demanded his car keys. When Persisco declined, they shot him, grazing the man's head. That's when Max the dog went into action.

“He saw the blood and was furious,” Persisco told Brazilian newspaper Globo. “He left like a rocket to attack the thieves. One of them ran away, but Max dominated the other one. To defend himself, the thief ended up shooting the dog. Max thwarted the assault and saved my life.”

Max was hit twice in his chest and once in his leg, but by then he had scared off the potential thieves.

Max was treated by a veterinarian and is expected to make a full recovery. Link -via Breakfast Links

(Image credit: Porthus Junior)

We don't often post about "what happened on TV last night," but this is pretty neat. The host on Saturday Night Live was the actor who played Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg in the movie The Social Network. His name is Jesse Eisenberg, and he's up for an Oscar for the role. He is in the middle of this picture. Eisenberg was joined by SNL cast member Andy Samberg, who looks like Eisenberg, but is doing his Zuckerberg impression on the right in this picture. Then, Mark Zuckerberg himself crashed the monologue on the left. There had been speculation that if the three were ever in the same room, the universe would collapse. See the video clip at the Saturday Night Live website. Link -via The Daily What

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Brad Goodspeed watched the recent lunar eclipse and wondered how an exact copy of the earth would look if it were as close to us as the moon. Then he thought about the other planets. In this animation, he has several planets revolving around the earth at the same distance as our moon. Beware: Jupiter can be scary, especially if you watch this in full-screen mode. Link -via Metafilter

It's time once again for the Fill in the Bubble Frenzy with boy genius Mal and his talking dog Chad! What goes in this empty speech bubble? Tell us and you might win any T-shirt available in the NeatoShop -take a look around, pick one out and tell us what shirt you’d like with your submission in the comments. If you don't specify a t-shirt with your entry, you forfeit the prize. Enter as many times as you like (text only, please), but leave only one entry per comment. For inspiration, check out Mal and Chad’s comic strip adventures by Stephen McCranie at malandchad.com. Have fun and good luck!

Update: A t-shirt goes to Darrel, who gave us this line: "Get higher, Chad! That's the porcupine balloon!"

It's time once again for the Fill in the Bubble Frenzy with boy genius Mal and his talking dog Chad! What should he be saying in this empty speech bubble? Tell us and you might win any t-shirt available in the NeatoShop -take a look around, pick one out and leave your t-shirt choice with your submission in the comments. If you don't specify a t-shirt with your entry, you forfeit the prize. Enter as many times as you like (text only, please), but leave only one entry per comment. For inspiration, check out Mal and Chad’s comic strip adventures by Stephen McCranie at malandchad.com. Have fun and good luck!

Update: Darrel came up with the winning line this week: "Boy somebody needs a Tic Tac." That wins him a t-shirt from the NeatoShop!

It's time for the Name That Weird Invention! contest. Steven M. Johnson comes up with all sorts of crazy ideas in his Museum of Possibilities posts. Can you come up with a name for this one? Commenters suggesting the funniest and cleverest names will win a free T-shirt from the NeatoShop.

Contest rules: one entry per comment, though you can enter as many as you like. Please make a selection of the T-shirt you want (may we suggest the Science T-shirt, Funny T-shirt, and Artist-designed T-shirt categories?) alongside your entry. If you don't select a shirt, then you forfeit the prize. Good luck!

Update: The first place winner is Golfyball for the name Bumpermarket. Second place goes to ladybuggs for the Grumpcart. Both win t-shirts from the NeatoShop!

Honorable Mentions:
Stacey Bumper Basket
Michael Wendell Bumpercarts
BrisusCheez BumperBuggies and CrashCarts
ladybuggs Crash Cart
ladybuggs Bumper Buggy
tcchuang The Amusement Mart
ladybugs The Grumple Mover

The following is an article from the book History's Lists from Uncle John's Bathroom Reader.

Either India or China invented them. The Roman Empire helped popularize them. Armies and soldiers used them to identify who was in charge, and everyone from pirates to military ships have flown them to proclaim their loyalties. Every nation has its own flag. Here are five sovereign banners with interesting histories.

1. SWITZERLAND: THE NEUTRALITY OF BEING SQUARE

It seems only appropriate that Switzerland, with its neutral position on international conflicts, should share similarities to the international rescue group the Red Cross. Both have similar flags. Switzerland's flag is unique for being square rather than rectangular. Its stubby white cross on a red background evokes the Red Cross, which employs the same design but with the colors reversed.

The Swiss flag, which is one of only two square national flags (the Vatican has the other one), traces its heritage to banners used by the Holy Roman Empire and adopted by the cantons of Switzerland after they were granted sovereignty. The flag has come to represent peace, refuge, democracy, and neutrality. Though Switzerland has had democratic traditions since 1291, political struggles within the confederation of cantons and a French invasion in 1798 prevented the formal adoption of a national flag. The creation of a constitution for a federal state in 1848 established the national flag, which was formalized in 1889 by the Federal Assembly.

2. NETHERLANDS: HOIST THE RIBBON! IT'S PARTY TIME!

The Dutch tricolor national flag has three horizontal stripes of red, white, and blue positioned from top to bottom. What's unique is that the flag is festooned with an orange pennant whenever the royal family has special occasions such as birthdays. And for families throughout the kingdom, it is customary to place a schoolbag atop the flagstaff to indicate students who have graduated.

Like the flags of many nations, the Dutch flag has roots on a battlefield. It was used for the first time in the 16th century during the Dutch revolt against Spain, which was led by prince William of Orange. His followers called the banner the Prinzenvlag, or "prince's flag". Orange, white, and blue at the time, the flag's orange stripe was eventually changed to red. The flag was officially recognized by the Netherlands Council in 1937.

3. FRANCE: THE HOLY TRICOLOR

Like that of the Netherlands, France's flag, created in 1790, is also distinguished by the tricolor design in red, white, and blue, but in this case the stripes are vertical. The colors come from the city flag of Paris that was used the day French radicals stormed the city's Bastille prison in 1789 to usher in the French Revolution and overthrow the aristocracy of King Louis XVI. The Marquis de Lafayette is said to have designed the flag, which fell out of favor after French emperor Napoléon Bonaparte was defeated at the Battle of Waterloo in 1815. However, it came back into vogue in 1830 and was flown over France ever since (except for two weeks in 1848 when it was changed, and then changed back). The colors represent three religious figures important to France: blue for St. Martin of Tours, a French-Roman officer who gave his cloak to a peasant suffering in the cold; white for the Virgin Mary; and red for St. Denis, the patron saint of France.

4. TURKEY: THE MOON STAR FLAG

The Turkish national flag is mostly red, with a white star and crescent in the center, and dates back 700 years; Sultan Selim III formalized the look in 1793. The crescent and star have been adopted by many other Muslim nations since then. What is not so well known is that in Turkish history, the crescent symbolizes Diana, the patron goddess of the ancient Turkish city of Byzantium, and the five-pointed star at the mouth of the crescent symbolizes the Virgin Mary, the patron saint of Byzantium after it became Constantinople in AD 330.

China plans to merge nine cities along the Pearl River into one huge mega-city that will cover an area twice the size of Wales and initially have a population of 42 million people.

The new mega-city will cover a large part of China's manufacturing heartland, stretching from Guangzhou to Shenzhen and including Foshan, Dongguan, Zhongshan, Zhuhai, Jiangmen, Huizhou and Zhaoqing. Together, they account for nearly a tenth of the Chinese economy.

Over the next six years, around 150 major infrastructure projects will mesh the transport, energy, water and telecommunications networks of the nine cities together, at a cost of some 2 trillion yuan (£190 billion). An express rail line will also connect the hub with nearby Hong Kong.

"The idea is that when the cities are integrated, the residents can travel around freely and use the health care and other facilities in the different areas," said Ma Xiangming, the chief planner at the Guangdong Rural and Urban Planning Institute and a senior consultant on the project.

The new mega-city does not yet have a name. Nearby Hong Kong, with another seven million people, will not be included in the new mega-city. Link -via Metafilter

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Find a cat just right for covering up that hole in your couch! Scratch and dent models available! They've got girl cats, boy cats, and "used-to-be-boy" cats! The Winnipeg Humane Society adapted hard-sell local advertising techniques to finding homes for cats, with the help of Andy Hill from Kern Hill Furniture Co-op in Winnipeg. The midnight madness event is not real, but the Winnipeg Humane Society is, and will be glad to accommodate you during regular hours. -via Digg

This week, we welcome three, count 'em, three new authors to Neatorama! Phil Haney is currently a writer for Maker Studios' The Station and previously served as Senior Producer for the National Lampoon Creative Department. See his work at YouTube. Matt Sager is a freelance writer as well as a science fiction and comics fan. Visit his website Comics Cavern. J.P. Cole is an editor of a journal on culture and religion. That's all I could get out of him, so he remains a mystery man. These new additions are bound to enhance your Neatorama experience. Meanwhile, let's recap our exclusive articles of the past week.

Sunday, the fitness guru we all know died at age 96. Alex put together a tribute, Jack LaLanne RIP: 10 Facts About Jack LaLanne You Didn't Know.

New author Phil Haney took a look at five of The Best Cults.

Jill Harness found so much going on underground that she wrote a two-part article. Don't miss Underground Animals: Cool Cave Critters, Part One and Part Two.

John Farrier looked up 10 Facts You Might Not Know about Xena: Warrior Princess.

The Fight for Safe Milk: Pasteurization followed up last week's Swill Milk article, courtesy of Uncle John's Bathroom Reader.

The Annals of Improbable Research brought us a tribute to a master comedian in Four Cheers Five Victor Borge.

From mental_floss magazine, we found out Why Chicago Should be Called Phoenix.

Conceptis Puzzles, our partner site that brings you Neato-Puzzles, invites you to enter their Bottle Magic Sweepstakes any time up until February 10th.

In the Name That Weird Invention! contest, ladybuggs wins a t-shirt for coming up with the name “the Toothsayer”! Also tripleX had the second place winning name with “ayePad”, but didn’t specify a shirt. Honorable mentions to Andrew X for “Den-Tell” and to Trevor for “DenTell Plaque.”

This week's What Is It? game was a little different because we didn't have a definitive answer: no one knows what the item was used for! The folks at the What Is It Blog have a sneaking suspicion it's a case for a Tesla coil, but we decided to select the funniest and most imaginative guesses this week. The most imaginative was from arvana, who wrote a somewhat involved story insinuating that this case could hold the Prometheus Drive which would save the world's energy problems if it hadn't gone into the river (you really should read the whole thing). The funniest was when jjent567 declared the case was "fer me rat stompin' peg leg...".

The winners of the Tokyo Flash Treasure Hunt are Pecca, who won a Tokyo Flash watch, and fabio, JSJ, and ingsoc won prizes from the NeatoShop! The answers are in the address of the hidden answer post, which 150 people found.

Happy Groundhog Day for Wednesday and Happy Chinese New Year for this Thursday. Valentines Day is only a couple of weeks away, so order your unique and clever Valentine gifts from the NeatoShop today!

Give the folks you know a little lift for the things they do with merit badges! The badges shown are for being drunk as a skunk, going out on a limb, having a bun in the oven, and bringing home the bacon. There are plenty more badges available from Etsy seller leemeszaros. Link -via Metafilter

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Caro the kitten is trying to liberate Miho from an invisible force field. Meanwhile, mama is glad to have a minute of peace and quiet inside the box! -via Arbroath

What if you could train plants for national security? A biologist at Colorado State University working with the Department of Defense is doing just that. Genetic engineering is making plants react to threats they never encountered in nature -for human benefit.

Picture this at an airport, perhaps in as soon as four years: A terrorist rolls through the sliding doors of a terminal with a bomb packed into his luggage (or his underwear). All of a sudden, the leafy, verdant gardenscape ringing the gates goes white as a sheet. That’s the proteins inside the plants telling authorities that they’ve picked up the chemical trace of the guy’s arsenal.

It only took a small engineering nudge to deputize a plant’s natural, evolutionary self-defense mechanisms for threat detection. “Plants can’t run and hide,” says June Medford, the biologist who’s spent the last seven years figuring out how to deputize plants for counterterrorism. “If a bug comes by, it has to respond to it. And it already has the infrastructure to respond.”

That would be the “receptor” proteins in its DNA, which respond naturally to threatening stimuli. If a bug chews on a leaf, for instance, the plant releases a series of chemical signals called terpenoids — “a cavalry call,” Medford says, that thickens the leaf cuticle in defense.

So far, plants have been produced that react to the presence of TNT, but other factors, such as light and movement, interfere with the process. Medford thinks a working plant is still three or four years away. Link -via Fortean Times

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The right music makes a world of difference. In this remixed movie trailer, the family musical The Sound of Music turns into a zombie Nazi thriller! -via Buzzfeed