Mike Hicks is a humble man, despite his noble work. His mission in life to purge his community of the scourge of goose poop.

Hicks lives on the southern tip of Vancouver Island--a land blighted with nearly infinite Canada Geese. They defecate everywhere, much to the annoyance of the human residents.

He convinced the local government to fund the purchase of a curious machine that scoops up goose droppings at phenomenal rates of speed and accuracy. Chek News reports:

Once attached to a vehicle, the machine’s wheels drive brushes which flicks the excrement into a catcher. Hicks has been testing out the machine in Sooke, unloading the droppings on the side of the field. He says they can be used for compost, or even sold for charity. [...]

The device has even earned him a new nickname around Sooke.

“Instead of the King of Pop they’re calling me the King of Poop…the Michael Jackson of goose poop,” he says.

-via Dave Barry | Image: Chek News

Many colleges around the United States are closing or making contingency plans to close in the event of a coronavirus quarantine. On Monday, the University of California at Berkeley joined them by suspending in-person classes and moving as many classes as possible to online instruction.

One physics instructor responded by emailing his students with detailed instructions on how he will teach online and the steps that they must take to participate. He has a backup plan in case that fails. He also has a backup plan for his backup plan and a backup plan for his backup backup plan.

You can view his entire message below the fold.

On January 27, police in Bath Township, Michigan conducted a traffic stop that led to a search of the car in question. Inside, they found, in addition to methamphetamine, a vast array of weapons. Among them is a sword that the police inform us is the legendary Ancient Sword of the Meth King.

This venerable blade is not as famous as Arthur's Excalibur, Roland's Durandal, or the Grass Cutter from Japanese legends. But when drawn from a brick of meth, it presents great powers upon its wielder.

In the comments below, speculate as to those magical properties.

-via Ace of Spades HQ | Photo: Bath Township Police Department

If you're going to cut some waves during your lunch break at work, you'll need to bring your board with you. Core 77 informs us that some streetcars in Australia offer this possibility by providing brackets for sliding in a surfboard. These "Flexity 2" cars arrived in Brisbane three years ago.

Photo: Redditor maydaybitch

Sora News 24 introduces us to Natsume, a cat served by Twitter user @betelgeuse331. Natsume has a special talent: booping his nose will toggle on and off the lamp that he's sitting on.

What's happening here? Either it's magic or the cat's paws are resting on a touch sensor. The nose booping is causing him to jostle the switch.

Natsume is making full use of his internet fame. He now has his own celebrity Twitter account.

Sure, some people will say that this wondrous event was caused by plumbing problems. But I prefer to attribute it to divine intervention. UPI reports that water taps in the Italian village of Settecani began pouring out wine from the local winery:

Officials at the winery said technicians investigated and discovered a technical fault had caused wine to leak from a silo into water pipes.

The high pressure of the wine leak was enough to displace the water in the pipes, resulting in the spilled alcoholic beverage entering the water supply and the homes of nearby residents.

-via Dave Barry

According to legend, Saint Patrick drove all of the snakes out of Ireland. Nonetheless, one made it back into the country and bit a 22-year old man in western Ireland. It was a puff adder--one of the world's most venomous snakes--which the man decided to keep as a pet. The Irish Post describes this pet:

Considered one of the most aggressive and dangerous snakes of its kind, the puff adder carries a particularly venomous bite. 

Most commonly found in Morocco and Western Arabia, the species is responsible for more snakebite fatalities than any other African snake. 

Just one bite can lead to necrosis of the flesh and even death if left untreated. 

Forced to visit his local hospital, doctors treating the biten Dublin man got in touch with the National Reptile Zoo for help. 

Perhaps a hamster would be a better choice.

-via Instapundit | Photo: Nheyob

Although I prefer a good Port Salut, the judges at the World Cheese Contest in Wisconsin gave the top prize to a Swiss gruyere. The Associated Press reports:

The cheese from Bern, Switzerland made its maker, Michael Spycher of Mountain Dairy Fritzenhaus, a two-time winner. Spycher also won in 2008. [...]

The contest is the largest technical cheese, butter and yogurt competition in the world and started Tuesday in Madison with a record 3,667 entries.

The 55 judges taste, sniff and inspect the 132 classes of dairy products during the biennial contest. The judges include cheese graders, cheese buyers, dairy science professors, and researchers from 19 nations and 14 states.

-via Rod Dreher | Photo: Richard Allaway

Daniele Barresi, an Italian artist who lives in Australia, is a food sculptor. He has developed a specialization in avocados, which offer him the perfect medium for naturally framed, enigmatic images.

The results are astonishingly detailed and precisely carved. You can see more of Barresi's work on his webpage or his Instagram feed.

When you've got to go, go with class. Heritage Auctions offers this 18th Century European privy that is ideal for readers who would prefer to remain in the library's stacks. The 20-inch tall box is framed with a leather-bound cover titled Historia Universalis. It's in good condition; Heritage reports that it shows few signs of prior use.

-via Bookshelf

Spud Buddy is the mascot for the Idaho Potato Commission, which promotes the cultivation and sale of Idaho's most famous food product.

Spud Buddy is friendly, helpful, and eager to devour the flesh of his own kind. A recent Tweet showed the grinning cannibal eating fellow potatoes as French fries. He's a sick, vicious monster.

KTVB 7 News argues that this act was not only revolting, but a crime under Idaho law:

Under Idaho's "Mayhem" clause (Title 18: Crimes and punishments):

CANNIBALISM DEFINED — PUNISHMENT. (1) Any person who wilfully ingests the flesh or blood of a human being is guilty of cannibalism.

(2) It shall be an affirmative defense to a violation of the provisions of this section that the action was taken under extreme life-threatening conditions as the only apparent means of survival.

(3) Cannibalism is punishable by imprisonment in the state prison not exceeding fourteen (14) years.

Spud Buddy appears to have options other than potatoes on his plate, so he can't claim that cannibalism was necessary for survival.

-via Dave Barry | Photo: Idaho Potato Commission

After millennia have passed and archaeologists excavate the lost city of Bikini Bottom, what will they find? Which residents shall end up in laboratories and museums? Digital artist Filip Hodas answers that question with a series of images showing the fossilized skulls of SpongeBob SquarePants, Goofy, Scrooge McDuck, Popeye, and other famous cartoon characters.

-via Design Boom

If you order a pizza from the Just Pizza & Wing Company pizzeria in Amherst, New York, it will come with a flyer from an adorable pupper who just wants to love you. If you adopt him, the pizzeria will give you $50 gift certificate so that you and your new packmate have something to eat. CNN reports:

The unique idea came after Mary Alloy, who owns the pizza franchise with three of her children, began volunteering with the Niagara Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (SPCA). Alloy worked with Kimberly LaRussa, an SPCA event coordinator, to come up with ways to help more shelter animals find their forever homes.

[...]

On Friday, customers of the pizza shop began receiving orders with photos of sweet pups who need to be adopted attached to boxes. Alloy said the reaction from customers has been the best part.

People are "absolutely loving" it, and after just a single day of putting the flyers on pizza boxes, a 6-month-old puppy named Larry was adopted on Saturday.

-via Geekologie

The staff of your local Costco regrets to inform you that we have depleted our stock of summoning orbs. There should be more available after the overnight truck is unloaded and the shelves are re-stocked.

Danielle Baskin, an entrepreneur who is trying to revive the telephone, recently visited a Costco. She was equipped with signs that look just like those normally available in one of those stores, except they are for more unusual items. Baskin placed the signs in empty slots to the doubtless confusion of employees. You can see her whole Twitter thread here.

-via Super Punch

Chris Hallbeck of Maximumble really maxes out his cartoon today with this story. It diverges along six different paths. I prefer outcome six, which can be arrived at through two different choices.