From the title, I expected them to be much fatter.

Obligatory.

I spent most of my adult life within a short jaunt of Trader Joe's locations around L.A. and am a big fan. It was THE place for good cheese that wasn't TOO expensive, had various frozen semi-ethnic goodies well before other places, the best prices for frozen shrimp (until recently), and some of my cheap-wine drinking friends swear by the "Two Buck Chuck". My one experience with Whole Foods was in the mid-90s when Kroger was combining chains in L.A. and left an empty Ralphs market in Pasadena that WF took over and that shopping trip was total sticker-shock. I also love TJ's advertising - the Fearless Flyer is my favorite junk mail, mixing pitches for seasonal products with self-effacing humor and very-old illustrations (a sample of which is on TJ's website: http://www.traderjoes.com/fearless-flyer/index.asp )

One other thing: way back in the 1970's when I was in College Radio and trying to break into Commercial Radio, their radio advertising was all "live copy" with wordy product descriptions, puns and tongue-twisters that half of L.A.'s radio people loved and the other half hated. I got copies of a few of the scripts and included one in every audition tape I made, just to show I could do it.

Somewhat minor semantic point:

"Can you drive fast enough..." A: No, it is not possible to drive any vehicle fast enough. Warp travel (folding space) would be the closest we'd get one day, and we haven't done the math to know how folding space would affect a speed camera.

"Can an object travel fast enough..." A: Yes, at greater than 1/6th the speed of light...

Unsolicited gifts are still gifts. It's actually a law, generally speaking. The bank should have insurance to cover their inept teller actions, and the kid should be allowed to keep whatever they gave him.

Eventually, George R.R. Martin will start killing off the audience.

Viral advertising is free advertising. Win!

Pretty amazing to stop and think how history might have been different if Hitler's flatulence hadn't been an issue.

Not a ringing endorsement for probiotics.

Though I think they mean 'he had no SELFISHNESS whatsoever.' Not having any selflessness means he would've been a greedy, narcissistic bastard. XD

Jack Chick is one bad -
Shut your mouth!
I'm only talking about Chick!
Then we can dig it...

So... nobody is at all surprised that this guy spent 13000 bucks on a flea market? Is this some cultural thing where American flea markets are the haunts of the super rich?

He was going to . . . melt it down? Even though it's made of gold and such, it's also crafted beautifully. Surely anyone could tell that it is a work of intrinsic value and beauty, even if made of baser metals! To think that, were it not for Google, this artifact would have been lost to the furnace!