Hobbit: the book was good. It had lots of action and told its tale.
Lord of the Rings: the books just dragged on and on. I forced myself to make it through the first one before I got bored with the grammatical comparisons of wood-elf poetry vs. prairie-elf poetry, then zzzzzzzz...

If only there were some Vulcan females... but they'd probably all be taken.

Could it be as bad as the Raiders of the Lost Ark game was? That game was impossible to beat.

Don't get it.

I once had a job where I would go to a movie theater on a movie's opening day, hand out little pencils and rating cards to the audience before it started, and then collect them when the movie was over. In between those 2 tasks, I had nothing else to do, so I would just go in and watch the movie.

They must have used a CATapult.

It's because they smell like soup.

Note to self: Do not ask the Salinger family to return the suitcase that I let JD borrow that one time.

Something's wrong with that light. I can't tell if that's a boy or a girl.

I kind of want to hear the colonoscopy story, especially if it involves a fart.

Gross. Why not just throw every food there is into a blender and then serve the sludge in cups?

When I read the title, I thought this was one of those can-you-solve-it detective stories like you used to post. Whatever happened to them?

He's been exercising his right to bare arms for years.