Huh. I never knew why lemon drops were called that.

What is "ass magic" and does it involve that stick in any way?

I suspect those 9,500 calories were expelled from her body before they had time to become part of it.

I agree with the author; I drive an old car that cost me $750 (but still runs great!) and all of my non-underwear clothing comes from garage sales, but I buy the best chai and toothpaste.
Also, if you ever get into archery, splurge on a dozen identical arrows; a cheap bow will shoot good arrows consistently, but an expensive bow isn't going to shoot well if you use crappy arrows.
What's an ass-car?

Wouldn't it be easier just to fry some chicken at home?

Although kids today won't get it, I like "Roosevelt Franklin? Ahhhhhh! Elementary Schoooool."

So four 'men' sit there and do nothing while they wait for a woman with a baby to save them? Wimps!

1) Since when is George Michael a superhero?
2) Where did Wonder Woman's boobs go?

Looks much cleaner and maintained than the 'real' Laredo is. What a dump.

Stupid kid. The capital of Canada is 'C'.

That's how revolutions get started!