"...and then turned around and ran it forward!" Why did he have to turn around? If he ran backwards to the starting point, he was already facing the right position to run the marathon.

Dear Santa,
This.

When will polygamy become legal, too?

Montezuma's revenge?

As I recall, KITT had a handlebar instead of a steering wheel.

Wait, so Joe is signing his own birthday card? Not cool.

Looks like 2 of the girls had massive growth spurts in between photo#1 and photo#2.
And the dark-skined boy in the front row with the green-striped shirt didn't show up for photo#2, so he has to keep the first one.

Wait, so I'm supposed to spreading SHEEP around to fertilize my garden? I really misheard that word and thought it was something else. Yuck.

Hey, where's the telegram idea I wrote here yesterday? Did Matt Groening complain that I'm infringing on his characters?

It's dove season and the hillbilly heard that you're supposed to flush the birds out of the trees.

Ahh, the daily Russian-guy-wearing-camo-doing-something-funny-with-an-animal video.

The firsht thing Sean Connery sheesh every morning.

Maybe his dad was feeding Big Bird; that's against the law in some cities.

What's up with this filthy smut, befouling what was once a fine and wholesome website?
Pshaw, I say to you sirs. Pshaw indeed!