Name her Luke, because she was stuffed inside a Tauntaun.

Good one. I didn't figure it out.

"...no problem -until the jar is half-empty."
That's why jars need to come with a lid on each end. When the level is halfway down, you can just flip the jar over and start anew.

Since there has NEVER been an important text in the history of texting, I ignore all texts that are sent to me. Keeps life simple and stress-free.
(Nobody texts 911. If something is important, people will call.)

7-Leia dip? Clever!

Dan Simmons' Endymion.

Maybe the abandoned baby is the real contestant and she just won the grand prize: loving parents.

Those are really clever. If I ever stay at a hotel, I'm going to write a secret message somewhere. It will include the words 'cannibals' and "time machine".

Should be any day n.... wait... Why did my monitor just shut off?

Wow! An exciting breakthrough for science. These are exciting times to be alive!

Wonder how they know about the story of the 2 fishermen who got drunk, murdered, then buried. Who could have told that story?

If you stayed at the mini 3rd-world that is Chungking Mansions hotel, you would soon forget all about the flying and the driving in Hong Kong.