First generation Phaser. the four buttons were for the intesity settings:
1. Stun
2. Stun Harder
3. Stun, Dammit, Stun will you!
4. Well die then.

It was taken out of service because it resembles a cordless shaving device too well.

Power tools make the man, XL Grey

Its not a corn sheller. Corn comes on cobbs, not shells. Its a pea sheller.

This is an accordian tuner. Used by people who despise polka music.

T shirt, Green XL, There is a fine line between ...

It is a sunlight pump. In the military its used for for Alaskan duty assignments, (air Force) and in the navy for Washington DC assignments. Prisons have used them in the past, but this practice has dissapeared except in Arizona, where they reverse the feed to supply shade. There are multiple business applications, but they no longer use real sunlight.

T shirt Green XL 'THere's a fine line between Genius and an Insanity, I erased the line'

This device removes chastity belts while playing 'Here comes the Bride.' (note the brass music box coil)Circa 1925

Science vs magic Xlg blue.

I used to sing along with the theme song:

'We went out west to find the best,
instead we found Bananas!
Banananas here, bananas there, bananas everywhere!

Am I the only kid who di this?

This is the famous 'Debate Knife' Given to the worst debater during the '1969 Wolcraft Debate Conferences' held at the Lake Folderol Lodge, Wisconson. The 'winner' of this knife was attributed to having an argument that wasn't straight, full of holes, and had no point.' Mr Wilhem Mendicot won this dubious award and in a fit of shame through himself off a dock into the lake, sustaining a concussion as the debate contest had been held in January, and the lake was covered with ice.

Good Marx, Bad Marx T shirt, Grey XL, please.

Wrong but Funny. The soviets lost more people than any of the allies in the war. The paint can be scrubbed off though, and the comment/prank/statement on the modern world is valid. A little harmless outrage is good for a society.

It is a well used 'Plunge-Fork' for eating live eels. Its a bit of a acquired taste, but in Mibelsten Wisconson they still hold the 'Ael festivel' with four metric tonnes of eels being consumed by local and visitors. Mibelsten is also famous for being the setting for several urban legends about insane townsfolk killing travelers and satanic rituals. It doesn't appear on maps, but you can find it by asking around.

'Pointless Stories are my thing' XL Black

Eye training glasses, for G-men in the 30's. They helped develop that penetrating gaze that made the two-bit punks squirm like a toad in a vice while they were getting 'the treatment.'.

Dad, the Myth, THe Man, the Legend, XL grey

Yes, it is a masonary trowel, but, it is a bronze masonary trowel made especially for 'dynamite' bricks. In the dark days of 1942 a brilliant if rather far fetched plot to assasinate Hitler took shape. As Hitler was known to frequesnt rustic bavarian wayside Chapels, the British SOE devised a plan to build 'exploding loos' from specially made bricks that would explode when in contact with a odors emanating from the bm's of a certain kind of people, vegetarians. The whole plot fell apart when it was discovered that Hitler was a closet sausage eater. By a paperwork mistake the 12,000 of these special bronze trowels (bronze is non sparking and used in tools made for handling explosives) were ordered, and they sat in a warehouse until 1977. Now they are everywhere.

Good Marx, Bad Marx, XL blue

If they lost their legs drunk driving I doubt that an insurance company would pay for the expensive prostethis and rehab. These guys would be in wheelchairs.

Its an Acme Tasmanian Devil Tickler. Once you get them to laugh, they are harmless.

White people may or may not suck, it really depends on the person. Wide spread panic and fear, mob mentality and violence is not a white only trait though, any group of people can be whipped up into a monster with just a few simple required conditions. Basically, people suck.

This is the Bedford C. Pinterbodie patented cone calibrater. After noticing the appalling variety in the diameters and performance of ice cream cones Mr. Pinterbodie invested his life savings in discovering the most efficient diameter and height of the common ice cream cone, culimating in this device to assure ice cream consumption was made with the least amount of wastage and maximum pleasure.

He died penniless in a sanatorium.

T shirt: Dad, the man the myth the legend XL green