They musta had some Palmer's chocolates. Oops.

It's a measuring guide for apprentice sous chefs -- the head chef requests "julienne 1" and the apprentice cuts one piece, holds it up to the measuring guide, and sees if the rest need to be larger or smaller.

The can opener is there to prevent a repeat of Bobby Flay's "tomato sauce incident".

If the position occasionally requires preparing documents one page or larger then the hiring requirements will probably continue to include resumes.

Though some companies are also asking for github repos... Makes sense to me. Request materials that allow judging the expected work quality.

Andre the giant, we hardly knew ye.

RIP buddy.

Man those are cool. Pity all the ancient tech was destroyed just for compliance with some silly strategic arms limitation treaty. Seriously, no one thought to say, "Hey Kruschev, put down the shoe a moment; we'd like to sell these things to hipsters and paranoics and hipster paranoics. How about we _not_ destroy these things? Our kids will thank us."

Still, looks like a bargain.

I'm sure the gender was obvious to all when he'd spend all day in the yard hitting things with sticks. He's a boy. Ergo he hits things with sticks.

Did one of those horses have toes?

Yeah. One of those horses had toes.

Tvtropes is probably just about finished; it's time to start in on gametropes. That'd give us another place to lose hours at a stretch.

Oh no! It took ExxonMobil nearly two hours to earn $6.8 million in profit! They'll have to work extra hard in the remaining 8758 hours of the year to make that back.

Poor Chevron. It'll take them over three hours to earn $6.8 million in profit! And they're the ones with the advertising campaign that claims they are just like me!

Royal Dutch Shell is going to have to work for over three hours to make $6.8 million in profit! Oh the humanity! The horror!

And poor poor BP already lost 500 times that amount in 2010 trying to scrub oil off alligators and shrimp. Their oil platform blew up because they were over-regulated!

Won't somebody please think of the energy conglomerates?!?

That's awesome.

LET'S OPEN UP THIS PIT!

Honestly, it's better than the crap on the radio these days, she's adorable, and Robert seems cool.

Ooooo oooo ooo ooooooooooooo!

Awesome.

Such a hero he is!

Wow, I never expected anything of that quality from cracked. It's always good for a dick joke but I didn't expect anything so thoughtful.

Amazing how much gasoline and his truck intrude in those descriptions. Poor quality food? Can't afford to drive to the store weekly for fresh food. Why have we designed our cities to prevent walking?

Brazil isn't fun enough already?

Oh my God! You found Blaise Pascal's cilice! Every math nerd in the world has been looking for that for centuries! Now we can get back to discussing our spherical horses.

Dan Kaminsky is one of my heroes. Super intelligent and amazingly clever: he wrote some DNS software to stream video across the Internet as DNS packets, bypassing nearly all access control systems, getting remote systems to cache the content, and provide for a multicast sort of experience even over networks that drop multicast packets.

His public shaming also forced many DNS software authors to finally fix some design flaws that djbdns and powerdns had gotten right (connecting their udp sockets to drastically reduce the chance of getting forged packets that pollute the namespace) but had trouble bringing the issue to DNS admins world-wide. Dan says the word and suddenly it's on the front page of newspapers world-wide.

And he's friendly, too!

I'm glad to know he was on our side in the actual White House.