In the TV special, I always got a kick out of the murder scene. As the Misfit Toys are dropped off to their new homes, the swimming bird (he cannot fly) falls to his death while the elf waves bye bye. The crime starts at 0:45 in this clip.

Art is anything you can get away with. Marshall McLuhan

In my experience, many companies are not interested in keeping their long-term employees anymore. It is cheaper and more profitable to hire low-wage part timers. Especially profitable if they don't have to offer insurance or benefits to those working less than 30 hours per week. Where I work, I am one of the 10% who have been there more than 5 years. The other 90% are mostly part timers who learn the skills and then find full-time work somewhere else. If my company offered full time to new employees, maybe some the 70% who work there less than a year, might have stayed.

That "viking sword" he is holding is a $70 wall hanger with a stainless steel blade.If you are looking for something that won't break when you use it, get one with a carbon steel blade.

People are willing to lie to get laid?

Next thing you'll be telling us that gambling has been going on in Las Vegas.

We could have saved the Earth but we were too damned cheap.
Kurt Vonnegut

"Turtles with serious respiratory infections, often those resulting from vitamin A deficiencies, might tilt to the side when swimming, which could cause them to flip over. A lack of vitamin A changes a turtle's mucous membranes in his eyes, mouth and respiratory tract. Early signs of an infection include lack of appetite, nasal discharge, eyelid swelling and discharge, ear swelling and bubbling in the mouth. By the time the turtle starts tilting or flipping, the infection has gone into his lungs. He can no longer stay buoyant in the water. Take your pet to the vet as soon as he exhibits abnormal symptoms or behavior."
https://animals.mom.me/mean-turtle-keeps-flipping-over-11385.html

Is there a light near or over the bed? Might be a dimmer switch.

Goes to show you can't fix stupid. May as well raise the underpass--keep it safe from the idiot drivers.

The hard part of obtaining cockroach milk is putting that little bucket under them, then squatting on that tiny stool.

Please cite where Shakespeare wrote the above quote.
I do recall a piece by Henry Van Dyke (1852-1933), which goes:
“Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear,too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.”

Tighty whities? If you are wearing something under it, it's a skirt.
No True Scotsman . . .

Of course, as a conservative think tank, Claremont Institute is totally unbiased.Yeah sure.The author was attempting to distance himself and "conservatism" from the very real threat the republican party has created.

Look behind the couch.