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With Apologies To Bards

You know why people are always picking on Bards? Because they're jealous and they know Bard is the mightiest class in Dungeons & Dragons or any roleplaying game, because they have both the melee and magic skills, all wrapped up in an irresistible package.

But by all means continue to talk trash about Bards like the Barbarian does in this Rock Paper Cynic comic, and while you're busy hating the Bard will run off with your loot and your love interest- and their charm spells will make you hand it all over with a smile!

-Via Geeks Are Sexy

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Why Lisa Simpson Matters

Lisa Simpson is the most underrated member of the Simpsons clan, and she's constantly overshadowed by her bratty brother, dumbass dad, magical baby sister Maggie and charming mother Marge, which is a crying shame- because she's actually a great role model for girls.

She's super smart and talented and doesn't try to hide it, she's independent enough at age 8 that her parents often turn to her for help, and her sensitivity and passion for good causes is infectious.

Lisa is described by Simpsons creator Matt Groening as "the only character on the show not controlled by his or her base impulses", but more than that she's one of the only characters on the show who is truly a force for good.

The woke little girl who has been inspiring kids and adults alike for decades is voiced by Yeardley Smith, who is now forever tied to the character since the two have shared the same voice for over 30 years.

Yeardley admits to being sometimes embarrassed by the fact that she's only allowed to play Lisa on the show because the timbre of her voice is too specific, but she's also proud to play a character she identifies with so closely:

I ask Smith if it feels, perhaps, like getting stuck eating crackers while everyone around her feasts at a bountiful and ever-expanding banquet.

“I feel like it’s more like being in a circus. Like being part of a circus performing family. But you’re not talented enough to do all the flips, so all you get to do is stand on the end of the seesaw that everybody else jumps off of.” Smith laughs. “You’ve got to have a tough skin in this business.”

The relationship between Homer and Lisa—the pairing of diametrical opposites in Lisa’s sensitivity and sincerity and Homer’s buffoonery—is also arguably the richest and most affecting relationship in the show. It can be emotional for the performers, too: Smith admits to breaking down while recording the scene in “Lisa’s Substitute” in which Lisa lashes out and calls Homer a baboon.

“Speaking very personally, I had a sometimes-wanting relationship with my own father,” she says. “So, to be able to play these scenes with Homer, where she actually feels like he gets her, really ticks a very personal box for me. I always feel that they write that stuff really beautifully. There have been so many episodes where they have a meeting of minds, when Homer goes out of his way to at least try to understand Lisa—and often admits, ‘I still don’t understand you, but I love you deeply. I’m really happy to be here with you and that’s enough for me.’ What’s better than that, really?”

Read Why Lisa Simpson Matters: An Ode To The Beating Heart of The Simpsons at Vanity Fair

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Spider-Man Comics Darker Than Any Batman Story

Marvel has tried to keep the storylines in Spider-Man comics acceptable for a younger audience, since he's one of the heroes they try to keep accessible to the kiddies as an ambassador to the Marvel Universe.

But when Spidey donned the black suit that ended up being the symbiote Venom he let the darkness slip into his life- and his storylines followed suit.

Kraven the Hunter kicked off this dark 90s era by going on his Last Hunt for the Spider-Man so he could prove he's a "superior human specimen" before retiring.

After burying Peter Parker alive Kraven donned the black suit and went around fighting crime to prove his superiority, crushing a villain the real Spidey needed Caps help to defeat and proving he's mightier than Spider-Man once and for all.

And so, with nowhere else to go, Kraven killed himself.

The darkness surrounding Kraven continued as Mrs. Kraven and daughter Kraven kept on Spidey in an attempt to secure some of his blood- so they could bring Kraven back to life.

Upon arrival at Kraven HQ Spidey proved he was in no mood to play with Mrs. Kraven- by using his sticky wall-crawling power to literally rip her face off- and then things got even more sinister:

Afterwards, Mr. Kraven took his family to the Savage Land, murdered Mrs. Kraven and sent one of his children off to hunt the other. Since then, Kraven has become best buddies with Squirrel Girl, the peppy young girl who talks to squirrels, because comics make less than no sense.

See 5 Spider-Man Comics Darker Than Any Batman Story here

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Scenes From Paddington 2 With The Visual Effects Removed

Despite being very favorably reviewed by fans and having 98% and 100% ratings on Rotten Tomatoes both Paddington and Paddington 2 were snubbed by the Academy, receiving zero Oscar nominations. But who cares, right?

They're cute, family friendly movies and don't take themselves too seriously, and I'm sure Paddington isn't sad about being snubbed considering he's a CGI character and therefore has nowhere to store a real life award.

And speaking of CGI- watching these scenes from Paddington 2 with the little digi-bear removed are not only absurdly hilarious at times- they're a primer on how many of these digital effects are created.

And after watching this VFX breakdown video shared by Framestore you'll know more about how practical and CGI effects come together in a modern film. 

(YouTube Link)

-Via io9

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When Your Catfish Is Actually A Fish

It seems like people are getting catfished more than ever since the movie Catfish came out in 2010, but that's probably just because people are more wary of being conned and they can now share their stories online.

However, if you find out the person you've been texting on Tinder who catfished you is an actual fishman would you share that story on social media?

(YouTube Link)

This silly skit from The Late Late Show with James Corden may not be anywhere near as good as the Oscar nominated movie it's based on The Shape Of Water, but James Corden does look pretty cool in that fishman suit. Maybe it's time for a Creature From The Black Lagoon reboot starring Corden?

-Via GeekTyrant

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If The Original Goosebumps Books Had Honest Titles

R.L. Stine is a master of taking classic horror tales and their monster stars and made them feel fresh and new again, and he's also a master of making adult horror suitable for a young audience without defanging them.

Stine is clearly quite a creative fellow, so it's only natural that such a creative guy would come up with equally creative titles for his books like "Say Cheese and Die!", "Be Careful What You Wish For..." and "My Hairiest Adventure".

But let's face it- these titles aren't totally honest about the material presented in the story.

Which is why Andrew Bridgman came up with more honest titles for all 62 original Goosebumps books, titles that are largely based on the cover art but still perfectly fitting for each story, like this book "Deep Trouble".

That really is just a shark, it only appears briefly in the story, and the main creature in the book is actually a tentacled sea monster, so yeah- not a monster, just a f#$king hammerhead shark.

See If All 62 Original Goosebumps Books Had Honest Titles here (NSFW language)

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The Heist

Bank heists rarely go as planned for either the criminals involved or the law enforcement officers who try to diffuse the situation with minimal bloodshed and destruction of property.

But when the criminals are too stupid to come up with a plan the cops are left playing a waiting game, as they sit and wait for the robbers to ruin their own chances of absconding with the loot. Of course, it also helps when the cops have an ace up their sleeve.

(YouTube Link)

The Heist is an animated caper comedy created by SuperBrankman and aside from the super smooth and lovely to watch animation, very cool voice acting and super funny script it's got a stellar sountrack created by Super Brankman's buddy Barry Topping (@nostoppingepoch)!

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Thursday Is Luigi

Luigi is such a schmucky character that his name has become synonymous with the perpetual second fiddle, the subservient sibling, the loser brother nobody wants to be like and everybody picks on- even Toad.

So, according to this Owl Turd Comics strip, Luigi is like Thursday and while I agree to some degree I tend to think of him more like Sunday- pretty chill but also pretty depressing, considering Monday is right around the corner.

Sunday, like Luigi, can be awesome on occasion but overall it can't compare to its far more fun siblings Friday and Saturday, plus hanging out with Luigi is like going to church- booooooring!

-Via Geeks Are Sexy

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A Waifu Comes To Laifu In This Ridiculous Comedy Short

The Waifu phenomenon is hard for many people to understand, but those lonely anime lovers who would rather pretend to have a relationship with the animated apple of their eye than get with a real girl totally get it.

And yet no otaku actually believes their illustrated waifu or husbando will ever come to life and make their nerdy dreams come true, and to be honest most of them wouldn't even want their waifu if they came to laifu.

On the flipside imagine what a kick in the pantsu it would be for a waifu to come to laifu and discover her betrothed is a shut-in who can't get a date with a real girl!

(YouTube Link)

This comedy sketch by Gigguk shows what it would be like for a waifu to suddenly discover she's sentient, and through her transition from virtual to actual reality we learn all about the world of waifus.

-Via GeekTyrant

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This Chart Shows Every Stan Lee Marvel Movie Cameo Since 1989

Stan Lee has made an appearance in every modern Marvel comics film and television adaptation ever made, and now the Easter egg hunt for Stan the Man has become a fun game for viewers of all ages and levels of geekiness.

If you've seen all the MCU movies so far then you've probably spotted Stan in them all, but if not then this handy chart created by reddit user l_l_l-illiam will help you find him in every Marvel movie made since 1989.

See full size chart at Geeks Are Sexy

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Drunk History Presents Mr. Rogers' Beautiful Life

Mister Rogers was the gentle and caring friend many kids grew up watching on TV, he was the older adult we could trust to teach us good lessons about life and he was a steadfast supporter of PBS and the arts.

So naturally the story of how Fred Rogers saved PBS is best told by drunk comedian Solomon Georgio on the Comedy Central show Drunk History, right? (NSFW language)

All kidding aside, Colin Hanks does a great job of playing Fred Rogers, so if they ever make a biopic about his life I hope they see this clip and cast Colin in the lead role.

EDIT: Apparently I haven't been keeping up on movie news because Tom Hanks is set to play Mr. Rogers in the upcoming movie You Are My Friend. -thanks goblinheath!

-Via The Mary Sue

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Dungeon Masters Discuss The Worst D&D Players They've Ever Had To Deal With

Dungeon mastering ain't easy, and anybody who says it is either uses store bought adventures in their campaigns or is playing with a bunch of kids who can't tell a gelatinous cube from a bowl of Jell-O.

But the DMs life is made even harder by players who refuse to get with the program, players who seem to think it's fun to bog down the game with their "creative" moves that are nothing but flashy stunts:

1. CheshiresParadox

I had a player who kept making dumb technical arguments to justify every little weird stunt he wanted to pull. Ran out of arrows and wanted to shoot rocks with his bows, kept arguing that he'd seen someone do it so it totally worked.

Couldn't make camp in the muddy grimey floor of the cave so he wanted to sleep on the ceiling upside down with his boots of spiderclimbing. When we pointed out that the blood'd rush to his head, he argued that there wasn't a sourcebook that stated that elven biology was affected by gravity that way.

Sooooo, a goblin ran around the corner and threw its poop at him, he exploded and we pointed out that there wasn't a sourcebook that stated goblin poop didn't double as volatile explosives when thrown at upside down sleeping elves.

Then there are those players who try to get super tricky with every move they make, thinking they can outwit the DM by coming up with some super clever plan:

2. nagol93

I once had a guy that tried to cheese the big boss fights, saying stuff like "there is nothing in the rule book that says dragons can dig, so im going to make a bunker and blast it with firebolt for 3 (indame) weeks". (for the record he was a lvl 1 character wanting to do this solo. The dragon was meant to be fought by 3-4 lvl 4 players)

True, the rules dont say dragons can dig. But Im the DM and I say the dragon can and will rip through your mud shack and violently disassemble your rib-cage.

But to me the worst RPG players are those who use their character as a way to reveal their inner demons and live out their own dark fantasies, because their in-game actions reveal they may be a real life threat but you can't really do anything about it. What are you gonna do- call the cops and tell them a player character has been raping NPCs?:

5. ya_boy_ducky

He kept trying to rape female NPCs and female player characters in game. Saying that it was "in character" for him. He found a Scarab of Death later that session and after it burrowed into his heart I politely asked him to leave.

Read 13 Dungeon Masters Tell The Tale Of Their Worst D&D Players here

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Gucci's Take On The Hottest New Fashion Trends? Third Eyes And Severed Heads

When fashion designers run out of truly fresh and original ideas they fall back on the tried and true shock value of avant-garde, thinking it will make them seem super innovative and forward thinking.

But acting like a severed head is going to be the latest and greatest fashion accessory, and a third eye will be the hot new makeup application, skips right past avant-garde straight to utter madness!

Italian fashion powerhouse Gucci unveiled their vision of fashion's future as designed by Alessandro Michele at their AW18 show in Milan, and Alessandro seems to think high fashion is about to become horrifying.

One of their models came out carrying an exact replica of her own head, while another sported a third eye on her forehead that would look amazing as part of a Halloween costume but just looks bizarre on the runway.

Wondering what other weird stuff Gucci put on display at AW18? Feast your eyes on this hot mess:

And apparently Gucci believes terrorists are about to start dressing fancy too so they've added some (probably way overpriced) balaclavas to their collection.

Or maybe they're meant to keep your third eye hidden from all those far less fashionable two-eyed humans out there?

See more at Metro

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When You Try To Teach Your Friends How To Play A Board Game

Board games are so much fun I've been hooked on them for most of my life and still wake up craving that cardboard BG crack every day- which is why I'm always trying to get my friends hooked on them as well.

Because board games aren't as fun when you play them alone, but it's also not very much fun to be the designated rulebook reader and rule monger either- which is why I demand my friends pay attention when I explain the game.

But as this comic by Jacob Andrews shows explaining the game to my friends almost makes me want to go in to rehab for gamers, because with friends like Dan the distracted and Mac the "wait, that doesn't make sense" guy playing board games can be a real pain!

-Via CollegeHumor

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Comparing The Size Of Movie Robots

The Jaegers are back to kick kaiju ass in Pacific Rim Uprising, so it's only fitting that we follow up the MetaBallStudios comparison of giant movie monsters with their size comparison of movie robots.

And while some will argue that Jaegers, AT-ATs and the AMPs from Avatar (as well as others in the lineup) aren't technically robots, since they're piloted by humans, the distinction between mecha and robot isn't well known to the general public.

So if their inclusion in this lineup fills you with nerd rage then I apologize, and I implore you to look past the miscategorization and just enjoy seeing how all your favorite robotic characters, vehicles and mecha measure up to each other!

(YouTube Link)

-Via Boing Boing

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