Sexy Textin'

Sexting is a thing horny people do that involves sending each other pictures of their genitalia and talk about what they want to do to each other with their naughty bits, but sexy textin' is something completely different.

"How so?" you ask shrewdly, to which I reply "sending someone a picture of your junk isn't sexy, but send them a pic of your bookshelf, record collection or an action shot taken while cooking dinner and you're bringing sexy back like J. Tim".

For you see sexiness starts in the brain, and your brain keeps things hot when the naughty bits make an appearance IRL, so skip the D-pics and send some B-pics instead. No, not boobs or butts, brains! (Comic by BarteNERDS)

-Via Geeks Are Sexy

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Celebrity Career Highlights And Lowlights

It's safe to say celebrities like being admired by the general public and having fans who adore them, or else they wouldn't hire publicists to keep them in the public eye. It's also safe to say they don't like to dwell on their failures, since bad decisions both on the set and off can cost them a career in Hollywood.

These famous folks are only human after all, and for every Blue Velvet or Easy Rider highlight there's a Super Mario Bros. lowlight just waiting to drag your name through the sewer.

But every celebrity knows the most humiliating lowlights are those caused by agreeing to star in a sequel that in no way lives up to the original film's greatness, aka going against your basic instinct by doing a number 2.

See 19 Celebrity Career Highlights And Lowlights here

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Boo Boo Runs Wild

Boo Boo was always stuck playing second banana to that lovable glutton Yogi Bear even though Boo Boo was often the only one keeping Yogi from becoming a bear skin rug.

And yet poor little Boo Boo never got his day in the sun, nor did he get his fair share of the pickanick baskets he helped Yogi steal, so who can blame him for having a teensy weensy existential crisis?

(YouTube Link)

Boo Boo Runs Wild is an awesome animated short created by John Kricfalusi of Ren & Stimpy fame that shows what it would be like if Boo Boo broke free of the bow tie and embraced his feral side. It's a real humdinger of a cartoon show!

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The Best Board Games Of 2017, According To The Board Game Geek Community

With so many board games coming out every year, many of which have hefty price tags, it's hard to tell which ones are hits and which aren't worth the money- which is where Board Game Geek comes in handy.

The BGG community is made up of gamers with years of experience who are passionate about board games, so they won't pull punches with their reviews when they feel a game didn't live up to the hype.

Take Gloomhaven for example, the community's pick for Board Game of the Year- Gloomhaven has been well hyped since it was in the Kickstarter phase of development, and yet BGG community member Jvandereck believes it doesn't live up to the hype.

Personally, I still want to check out Gloomhaven even after reading Jvandereck's review, but I'll definitely wait until it's going for way less than $200 because that's way too much to play for a game IMO.

Here are the rest of BGG's picks for the Top Board Games of 2017:

Board game of the year

Winner – Gloomhaven

Runner Up - Azul

Runner Up - The 7th Continent

2-player game

Winner – Codenames Duet

Runner Up – Caverna: Cave vs. Cave

Runner Up – The Fox in the Forest

Artwork & Presentation

Winner – Photosynthesis

Runner Up – Azul

Runner Up – Sagrada

Card Game

Winner – Century: Spice Road

Runner Up – Clank! In! Space!

Runner Up – Ethnos

Cooperative Game

Winner – Gloomhaven

Runner Up – The 7th Continent

Runner Up – Pandemic Legacy: Season 2


Winner – Scythe: The Wind Gambit

Runner Up – Terraforming Mars: Hellas & Elysium

Runner Up – Terraforming Mars: Venus Next

Family Game

Winner – Azul

Runner Up – Sagrada

Runner Up – Century: Spice Road


Winner – Gloomhaven

Runner Up – The 7th Continent

Runner Up – Magic Maze

Party Game

Winner – Werewords

Runner Up – Spyfall 2

Runner Up – Tortuga 1667

Print & Play

Winner — My Little Scythe

Runner Up – A4 Quest

Runner Up – Doctor Who: Solitaire Story Game (Second Edition)

Solo Game

Winner — Gloomhaven

Runner Up – The 7th Continent

Runner Up – Nemo’s War (Second Edition)

Strategy Game

Winner – Gloomhaven

Runner Up – Clans of Caledonia

Runner Up – Azul

Thematic Game

Winner – Gloomhaven

Runner Up – The 7th Continent

Runner Up – This War of Mine: The Board Game


Winner – 878 Vikings – The Invasion of England

Runner Up – Time of Crisis

Runner Up – Pendragon: The Fall of Roman Britain

-Via Polygon

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The Lion's Blaze

Being trapped inside a video game seems like it would be a gamer's dream come true, especially if they had unlimited lives and were trapped in a game they already knew and loved.

However, the experience wouldn't be quite so magical if they were trapped in a game with a bunch of their fellow gamers, since the annoying banter and maddening bravado would detract from the overall experience. 

But if they could look past the annoying personalities and work together as a team they could become the stuff of legend, which would help distract them from the grim reality of being trapped in a virtual world for the rest of their natural lives...

(YouTube Link)

The Lion's Blaze is a super fun animated short by OlanRogers that turns the "trapped in a virtual world" trope on its head, making the prospect of being trapped in a game world seem like a nerdy nightmare.

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Best Baddies

Most villains become twisted and evil after some terrible event turns their heart black while others are simply born that way, growing up as bad boys or girls and outcasts in a world full of goodie-goodies.

Now those who are born villains have a natural advantage over those who become villains later on in life, and they learn early on that damn near every goodie-two-shoes' can be turned into a baddie-two-boots if you offer them something they really want- like a merit badge.

(YouTube Link)

Best Baddies was created by Max Wittert for Nick Animated Shorts 2018.

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Disney Princesses Are A Little Insane

Disney princesses are always presented as a symbol of goodness, heart and love, but when you think about it they should also be seen as a symbol of madness- because most of them are bats#%t insane.

They chat with animals and inanimate objects, talk to themselves and express every emotion out loud, all of which would make any normal person look like a lunatic but somehow makes Disney princesses more endearing.

That is until they take the advice of a misanthropic forest critter like the little blue bird in this Slack Wyrm comic by Joshua Wright and give in to their psycho princess impulses...

-Via Geeks Are Sexy

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Volvo Owner Customizes Door Chime To Play Toto's Africa Every Time The Door Opens

It would take a lot to take me away from my car if the door played Toto's Africa instead of chiming whenever it was open, and I'd probably go through batteries like crazy because I'd softly rock to my car door chime every night.

(YouTube Link)

I love "Volvo enthusiast for life" Chris Ng for swapping out his Volvo 240's original door chime for an 8-bit version of Toto's Africa, but it must be hard to close the door on that sweet sound when he gets in or out of the car!

Chris told Jalopnik it was surprisingly easy to modify the sound module and change the door chime:

The door chime in the Volvo is controlled by a plug-in sound module under the dash, so all it took to install was a quick swap of the stock version for the modified one. The song goes on for a hilariously long time, too—just in case you want to soak it all in for a moment.

Ng told Jalopnik that it’s fairly easy to swap this little module out if you know how to solder things back together. He plans to start a Kickstarter for a small number of cheap, universal modules for people who want to do this themselves.

To make his Volvo play Toto, Ng says that he recorded the song straight to the new module. You can do so with any smartphone or computer. Then the reprogrammed module was rewired into the door ajar circuit for the car—easy peasy.

-Via Jalopnik

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10 Characters Marvel Wants You To Forget About

The Marvel Universe is home to some of the most iconic characters in comic book history, from Spider-Man to the Incredible Hulk to that eternal patriot Captain America, but for every good character there's five goofballs they'd rather we forgot all about.

These laughable and totally forgettable characters are usually villains, since the comic book rule of thumb is every hero needs dozens of villains to fight, and they often seem like concepts drawn out of a hat.

There's Big Wheel, the guy who drives a big wheel, Asbestos Lady, the character created to be the antithesis of the Human Torch, and Kangaroo, the villain with the power to jump (you guessed it!) like a kangaroo.

(YouTube Link)

This WatchMojo countdown video reveals ten of the sorriest excuses for a villain or hero that Marvel Comics ever created, and it's safe to say none of these characters will be making an appearance in the MCU anytime soon!

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Tim Burton-Inspired Makeup Tutorials

The characters in Tim Burton's animated features aren't meant to look like real people because their proportions are based on comic characters not humans.

If they were real people then their necks would snap under the weight of their big heads and their brains would explode from all the information being delivered by those giant eyes.

(YouTube Link)

Which is why it's hard to make real people look like characters from a Tim Burton movie, but as these makeup tutorials by YouTubers goldiestarling and NsomniaksDream show it's not impossible to achieve that dark and toony look- and the end results are horrifyingly good!

(YouTube Link)

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Darth Vader on Beach Day

Darth Vader is about as pale as they come, and as much as he enjoyed sunning himself when he went by Anakin Skywalker, he gave up on being tan, tone and sexy when he was forced to wear a breathing thingy to stay alive.

Still, you'd think they'd have figured out some sort of force power that allowed him to get some sun without getting burned.

But as this Is It Canon comic shows, the problem may have more to do with cleanliness than UV rays. Who knew Darth was such a clean freak?

-Via Geeks Are Sexy

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Drag Queen Elsa Helped Save A Police Wagon During A Blizzard In Boston

When Elsa stopped being a cold-hearted villain and changed her wicked ways she promised her sister Anna that she would become a chilly force for good, dropping the brooding bad girl act to become a hero.

And it appears Elsa has kept her promise to Anna and is continuing to help us mere mortals whenever she can, making an appearance in Boston during a blizzard.

A post shared by Jason Paul (@jptriplett1) on Mar 13, 2018 at 5:28pm PDT

Okay, that's obviously not the real Elsa from Frozen, it's actually 37-year-old attorney Jason Triplett out enjoying the snowfall in his Elsa costume.

Jason thought it would be entertaining to head out into the snow dressed as Elsa and film the fun, but Jason soon found himself proving he's a cosplay hero when a police wagon became stuck in a snowdrift.

Elsa, I mean Jason, helped push the police vehicle free of the snow, and thankfully the whole thing was caught on video by bystander Christopher Haynes:

-Via WokeSloth

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Simply Hilarious The Last Jedi Comics By Rachel J. Pierce

The Last Jedi wasn't a particularly funny movie, but it did have plenty of moments that would have made audiences laugh had they seen it through a silly filter like that applied by cartoonist Rachel J. Pierce.

Now the serious Star Wars fans would have found all the silly humor disturbing, but something tells me nobody would have objected to the jokes aimed at that Emo Sith Kylo Ren!

See more at Geeks Are Sexy

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Celebrating Nearly 40 Years Of Heavy Metal's Most Iconic Mascot, Iron Maiden's Eddie

When Iron Maiden first started out they used a papier-mâché prop that would spew fake blood from its mouth on stage to give their performances some theatrical flair, a prop that would become the mighty metal icon Eddie.

(Image Link)

Well, that's not exactly true since the original prop was just a ghostly mask that looked nothing like Eddie. But the prop was a solid concept that would become an integral part of Iron Maiden's stage show after a chance meeting with the man who would give life to Eddie, artist Derek Riggs.

Riggs created the character Eddie and served as the band's sole cover artist from their first self-titled album in 1980 until the 1992 release Fear Of The Dark, and as the character grew so did his presence on stage.

(Image Link)

Now fans can't imagine an Iron Maiden stage show without Eddie sharing the stage with the band, and in the last 38 years Eddie has gone from a novel idea to the grim face of heavy metal.

See Iron Maiden's Eddie: Nearly 40 Years Of Metal's Best Mascot here

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The Ever Present NPC Naming Dilemma In Dungeons & Dragons

Naming NPCs is one of the banes of my existence as a DM (or GM if you prefer the more generic and broadly encompassing title), and try as I might to come up with new names I often fall back on old standards.

If the guy or gal is a rogue-like character then the words sneaky, stabby, cutter, shadow or fingers tend to find their way into their name somewhere, and rangers are almost always named Roger, Dan or Dana for some reason.

And, as this Electric Bunny comic shows, when all else fails you should just name them after the first thing you see. My personal favorites- Mr. Coffee and Senor Stinkbottom (my dog's nickname).

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Farkels- An Animated Short That's Just As Strange As It Sounds

The world is full of weirdos, including those who walk around all day talking to themselves out loud, but the weirdiest weirdos of them all are those who chat with their hair all day.

These loony lock lovers are so convinced the protein strands sitting on top of their heads are actually a sentient entity that they treat their hair like their best friend- leaving the position closed for all humans.

But, as you'll see in the animated short Farkels created by Greg Kletsel, Dessarae Bassil and Valerie Lockhart, it's probably best if sentient beings of all shapes, sizes and species minimize contact with those lock-lovin' loons!

(YouTube Link)

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Some Of The Weirdest Video Games Ever Made

There are so many bizarre video games out there that the top ten lists kinda just make themselves, and strange games are constantly being made so these top ten lists will keep rolling out FOREVER.

In this video by WatchMojo we see Octodad-a game about an octopus pretending to be a human dad, Bad Mojo- a game where you play a guy who was turned into a cockroach, and the weirdest game of all I Am Bread, where you play a slice of bread. 'Nuff said!

(YouTube Link)

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The Watcher

With great knowledge comes great wisdom, with great vision comes great foresight, with great power comes greater responsibility, and with a great many number of things to watch this wizard ends up watching porn.

Eh, sounds about right. (Comic by Slack Wyrm Comics)

-Via Geeks Are Sexy

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The Top Ten Biggest Netflix Flops

Netflix has become a powerhouse in the entertainment industry, and the original shows and movies they're making nowadays are so beloved people have forgotten Netflix started out as a small DVD by mail service.

But in their quest to grow more powerful by creating original content that will crush the competition they released some serious flops- like when they gave Ashton Kutcher his own sitcom called The Ranch.

With overly predictable storylines and stereotypical country characters The Ranch is an homage to the classic American sitcom that fell flat with both viewers and critics alike, and yet Netflix still hasn't cancelled the show for some reason. Maybe they think the third season's the charm?

(YouTube Link)

This WatchMojo compilation focuses on the failures of streaming media powerhouse Netflix, showing us that even giants stumble once in a while but Netflix doesn't look like it's going to fall flat anytime soon!

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Classic Comics That Had Some Totally Insane And Controversial Content

As a general rule comics that become really big and really famous refrain from including material that would be considered controversial, offensive or too adult to be enjoyed by a wide audience.

And the bigger the title the less challenging the material, so Mickey Mouse comic strips and the action packed panels of Wonder Woman are the last place you'd expect to find controversy.

But back in the day both comics included material that is seen as controversial these days but was always seen as totally bonkers- like hide inside a dead elephant bonkers.

When Wonder Woman learns that the elephants at a circus keep dropping like flies she suspects foul play is afoot, so she hides inside a taxidermied baby elephant to find out what's up and foil the bad guy's evil plan. And that's when things get really weird:

Ed King talks with Wonder Woman and Steve and expresses his fears that the dying elephants will ruin his show. Wonder Woman and Etta Candy dress up as a baby elephant to try to find out who is poisoning the elephants. They find themselves in the midst of a Burmese worship ritual, in which the Burmese say that they will use the elephants to trample the "foreign devils." Suddenly a large elephant appears and inadvertently blows Wonder Woman and Etta's cover. The Burmese take them prisoner and plan to sacrifice them to the Elephant Gods.

Meanwhile, the thugs return and take two of the Burmese men hostage. Steve Trevor follows them. Back at the circus, Dom Carney meets up with Elva, but Uncle Ed King also appears and fires Dom from the show under suspicion of being the person poisoning the elephants. An elephant, following orders from some of the other Burmese men, snatches Elva and makes off with her. Ed and Dom chase after them on horseback.

Elva is brought to the same Elephant Temple that the Burmese have brought Wonder Woman and Etta to. The three of them are to be sacrificed for the Elephant Spirits. San Yan admits that his people have been killing the elephants to set their spirits free. Wonder Woman notices that San Yan speaks with a Japanese accent, so she breaks free of her bonds. Steve, Ed, and Dom all arrive, and as a group they defeat the Burmese men who are actually Japanese spies. Now free of suspicions, Dom gets Ed's permission to be with Elva.

On the other hand the controversy found in the pages of the old Mickey Mouse comic strip can be summed up by these three panels:

Mickey kicking a character in the kiester who is clearly gay wasn't seen as that big of a deal when the strip came out in the 1930s, but Disney knew the part where he calls the character a "cream puff" was wrong- so they edited that bit to make it more PC:

See 5 Famous Comics That Got Totally Insane Out Of The Blue at Cracked (NSFW language)

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Movies So Bad They Were Pulled From Theaters

Movies typically stay in theaters anywhere from one to two months, and even bad movies last two or three weeks in theaters to try and recoup as much of the budget as possible.

But some movies are so horrendously awful it's a wonder they ever got made at all, much less made it into theaters, and they are pulled so fast most people aren't even aware of their existence.

Johnny Depp has been in some massive blockbusters, but his campy comedy Mordecai was so epically bad it was pulled from 90% of theaters carrying it during its third week, the third biggest theater drop of all time.

On the flipside there's Max Steel, a movie based on a toy line and cartoon that had no big names, zero audience reception and a 0% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Oh, and it came nowhere near recouping its $10 million budget.

(YouTube Link)

This WatchMojo compilation counts down some of Hollywood's biggest flops, from the aforementioned Mordecai to the less-than-super Blackhat starring Chris Hemsworth.

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Google Translate Movie Quotes Featuring Jimmi Simpson

Iconic movie quotes don't need to be translated because no matter what language a movie lover speaks, and no matter what language an iconic film has been translated into, the quote is always best known in its original form.

Ever fascinated by the power of Google Translate those mythical video guys Rhett & Link of Good Mythical Morning fed famous movie quotes into Google Translate over and over again until they got weird.

Then they had their friend, famous actor Jimmi Simpson, join them in acting out the terrible translations, which really showcased his acting skills!

(YouTube Link)

-Via Geeks Are Sexy

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One Punch Man Animator Tries Animating Lightsaber Battle Scene From The Phantom Menace

Animators often practice animating action sequences by creating a hand-drawn version of a live action movie scene, the more dynamic motion in the scene the better.

So when Arifumi Imai, the talented animator who has worked on One Punch Man, Naruto: Shippuden and Attack On Titan, wanted some action animation practice he chose the Obi-Wan vs. Darth Maul lightsaber fight from The Phantom Menace as his inspiration.

The scene is kept simple and rough, since it's just an exercise, but you can imagine how amazing it would look as a polished scene in an anime series.

-Via GeekTyrant

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Dia De Los Tacos

For some tacos are more than just a fun food product in a folded tortilla- they're an obsession, a passion, the perfect food loved by everyone and always in style.

And yet some taco trucks out there struggle to sell their stuffed shells because they can't seem to get customers to come to their spot, which is why they always say location is everything.

But if you can't choose to set up shop at a location where there are lots of customers then you've gotta bring the customers to you- by dragging them to your taco truck by their noses!

(YouTube Link)

Dia De Los Tacos is a deliciously silly animated short created by Vincent Scala for the Nickelodeon Animated Shorts program 2017, and while it has nothing to do with Dia De Los Muertos it has everything to do with tacos!

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This Incredible Star Wars Mural Took 450 Hours To Complete

There is some really, really bad fan art out there that makes you want to cringe when you come across it online, but the vast majority of the fan art shared online is okay, mediocre, so-so, good enough.

This sea of mediocre fan art makes the really great pieces stand out, but you don't need to see a bunch of bad fan art to appreciate this piece- because it's a standout blockbuster all on its own!

It took artist James Raiz, aka TheBoxOfficeArtist, 450 hours over the course of 7 months to complete this massive Star Wars mural, which is made up of eight smaller sections one for each live action movie released.

But you don't have to sit through over 400 hours of footage to see James create this amazing mural, because this timelapse video shows the entire creation process in around ten minutes!

(YouTube Link)

-Via GeekTyrant

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The Next Star Wars Movies

The men and women of the Rebel Alliance have a lot of heart and a seemingly never-ending supply of moxy, but they're not the brightest beings in the galaxy- or else they would have defeated the Empire a long, long time ago.

How would they do this, you ask? Well, according to some the answer is superior firepower, and this comic by Pretends To Be Drawing seems to think making more Death Stars than the Empire is the answer.

But I believe the answer is Force-enhancing smart drugs and a giant spaceball bat...

-Via Geeks Are Sexy

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This Time-Lapse Footage Of An Artist Painting A Fearsome Dragon Portrait Will Blow You Away

Watching people paint in real time can literally feel like watching paint dry, but watching an artist work on an incredibly detailed and beautiful painting in time lapse can be quite thrilling and inspirational.

This is especially true if the subject is something near and dear to your heart, and seeing as how I was born in the year of the dragon and I'm a huge fantasy nerd watching artist Chris Scalf paint this awesome portrait of a dragon really blew me away!

(YouTube Link)

-Via io9

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Orcs are fearsome and savage creatures in their own right, green-skinned killing machines from a primordial era when humans did not yet rule the Earth, but imagine how much scarier they'd be if they were on meth.

Now I'm pretty sure most meth dealers know better than to sell speed to a savage orc, but a foolish drug peddler hooked Treshtog up with some meth and now it's all he can think about.

And then the dung really hit the fan when Treshtog discovered some thieving scumbag stole his meth and smoked it... (NSFW language)

(YouTube Link)

METH ORCS is a stupid funny animated short created by SexualLobster, an animator who is clearly quite wise since he came up with this quote for the ages- "wizards of quality don't smoke meth".

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The Face Shop

There are plenty of people in the world who would love to be able to wake up every day and apply a fresh face, able to wear a different identity on a whim by swapping their own face for another.

This may cause the face swapper to lose touch with their original identity, however anonymous folks like Faceless Neil would actually benefit from this process by gaining an actual identity.

But when none of the faces in the Face Shop fit poor Faceless Neil he is forced take matters into his own hands...

(YouTube Link)

The Face Shop is a strangely entertaining animated short by Noella Borie that's part of her Faceless Neil series. It has a creepy Tim Burton-esque feel and blends 2D and stop motion in a way that may make some viewers feel uncomfortable...

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With Apologies To Bards

You know why people are always picking on Bards? Because they're jealous and they know Bard is the mightiest class in Dungeons & Dragons or any roleplaying game, because they have both the melee and magic skills, all wrapped up in an irresistible package.

But by all means continue to talk trash about Bards like the Barbarian does in this Rock Paper Cynic comic, and while you're busy hating the Bard will run off with your loot and your love interest- and their charm spells will make you hand it all over with a smile!

-Via Geeks Are Sexy

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