Ten Strange Baby Products

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Baby products are generally supposed to be more useful than visually appealing to adults, and when we think of baby products three things usually spring to mind- soft, supportive and pastel colored.

Products designed to stimulate an infant's senses, to make their little lives comfortable, and to help parents care for their child will become popular among parents, while other products end up becoming the baby butt of a joke.

Here are ten bizarre baby products that put the "Wha?!" in watching your child grow up:

1. Baby Snuggie Sweater-

There are all kinds of pouch style torso coverings available for parents, and most look comfortable for both parent and child, but this snuggie style monstrosity looks like it's really uncomfortable for your baby. However, if you want to dress your kid up like a chestburster for Halloween this creepy vest getup is a good place to start!

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2. Zaky Infant Pillow-

It's a good thing most infants can't see a three dimensional view of the world until they're around five months old, because if they could see these horrifying disembodied hands holding them at night they probably wouldn't be able to sleep!

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3. Baby Butt Fan-

Keeping your infant's bottom dry is important to help prevent diaper rash, but there has to be a better way to achieve this dryness besides holding a fan to your baby's butt until it's dry!

It's also unlikely that a baby is going to just lie there waiting patiently while you fan their butt, so something tells me these generally end up being used by mom and dad as a portable fan during those sweltering summer days.

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4. The Babykeeper Bathroom Harness-

Here's a product that is built upon a parental need- a harness that helps hoist your baby up above the germs and dirtiness of a public restroom. It serves a necessary function, but why would a parent want to carry around an extra harness just so they can strap their baby to the stall wall while they do their business?

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5. Baby Durag-

EDIT- Durags apparently serve an important purpose, from commentor Jonnette Samantha Huntley Mix:

Durags...serve several very important purposes for those with ethnic hair. Since people with very very curly or coarse hair can't wash their hair every day (it damages the hair and scalp), a do-rag is used to cover otherwise unstyled hair (daily grooming can take a loooong time) or to protect a styled head of hair from the elements. In addition, it is used to keep coarse hair, which attracts lint, for example, clean and sanitary. It is also used when the wearer has applied a long-term scalp or hair treatment such as a moisturizing oil. Many beautiful brown babies wear scarves for all these reasons. And do-rags come in a million different colors and styles, not just black. The best use for a do-rag to wear it to bed so that the friction between common cotton bedsheets and the hair doesn't cause breakage and tangles.

So this item apparently doesn't belong on the list, but it's too late to take it back now! 

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6. Baby Mop Onesie-

If you're so lazy that you'd rather put your baby to work scrubbing your floors than clean them yourself then it's safe to assume your floors are way too dirty to benefit from a lil rugrat scrub 'n' crawl. And if you put your baby to work in this onesie make sure you don't take any pictures, because your kid may grow up resenting you for making them do household chores at such an early age.

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7. Baby Bangs Wig Headband-

Baby baldness is a part of infant life, and most parents embrace their baby's baldheadedness and watching in parental wonder as their child's hair grows in over time.

However, some people can't wait for their kid to have a curly mane atop their little head, so they choose to skip ahead by using the Baby Bangs wig headband. It's a hairpiece and headband in one, and it will save follicly challenged kids from being the only bald baby at the next baby bash they attend.

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8. The Windi Baby Gas Reliever-

Gas can be a big problem for babies, and without any relief in sight the child can be left to dwell in stomach curdling misery, but there has to be a better way to relieve gas than with a suppository!

From the product description: "The soft, pliable, hollow tube features a rounded tip that is long enough to reach past the muscle that prevents the release of the gas, and also has a stopper to prevent an insertion too far." *shudder*

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9. The Nüroo Pocket Babywearing Shirt-

This product is similar to the Snuggie vest featured above, but this babywearing shirt is made for mommies who like to look good when they're out on the town with a baby stuffed down their shirt! At least the Nüroo looks comfortable for the baby, but if you're going to eat or drink while wearing this thing do your baby a favor and put a napkin on their head!

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10. Thudguard Infant Safety Helmet-

There's being a safety conscious parent of a bouncing baby and then there's forcing your poor child to wear a helmet while they crawl around the house, just in case they whack their head.

Kids have been getting along just fine for thousands of years without having to wear headgear to protect their noggins, so let your kid be free of helmets until they start riding bikes and such a few years down the line!

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The baby retail battleground is littered with plush and plastic remnants of products that didn't make the cut, and something tells me these ten products are going to be joining the rest of the failures real soon!

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Newest 5 Comments

While that may even be the exact same helmet our neighbor kid wore (not "medical" per se, just protective), if they're selling parent-noia then your point is spot-on and I agree 100%. I wonder if was created for a valid reason and then corrupted to boost sales, or if it's always been a fear-monger product?
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The medical need is a totally valid point Steven, but the Thudguard isn't for handicapped children, it's being marketed as something every parent needs to protect their toddler's head when the kid learns to walk. Here's the link to their site, where you'll see this isn't a medical helmet, it's a helmet worn just in case the toddler falls:

Medical necessity is one thing, but being an overconcerned "helicopter" parent and strapping a helmet on a toddler's head that doesn't medically need a helmet is going a bit too far in my opinion.

Glad to hear the kid you mentioned is doing well, and of course I would never discount the medical need for a helmet. Just making a point about a company trying to mass market helmets for toddlers "in case they fall".
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I'm going to call you out on #10. Yeah, most kids don't need helmets, but often there's a medical reason for them, such as post-surgery protection. Our former neighbors' then 18-month-old wore a Mickey helmet. He had severe aplastic anemia, so his body didn't produce enough blood cells. This made him very susceptible to hemmorage, bruising and infection, and him unable to fight infections or control bleeding. Even a small scrape could have been life-threatening, so the helmet was definitely justified. (After many different treatment approaches, he is now doing very well).
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Sorry if my post offended you Jonnette, but I don't know a thing about hair care, or how Do-rags are used in ethnic hair care regimen. I'm Mexican and none of the women in my family, or in my life for that matter, have ever had to use accessories like scarves and do-rags to care for their hair, other than covering their heads sometimes when they go out.

Thanks for sharing your knowledge about the actual purposes served by a do-rag, I edited the article and posted your comment (aside from the somewhat rude "how uninformed are you?!" bit) so that others may learn from my mistake. Who knew commenting on "ethnic" hair care products would be like walking through a minefield?!
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