Do Children Owe Anything to Their Abusive Parents?
Many children who suffer from neglect or abuse from their parents nonetheless manage to grow up into decent adults. Question is, do they owe anything to these bad parents?
What do we owe our tormentors? It’s a question that haunts those who had childhoods marked by years of neglect and deprivation, or of psychological, physical, and sexual abuse at the hands of one or both parents. Despite this terrible beginning, many people make it out successfully and go on to build satisfying lives. Now their mother or father is old, maybe ailing, possibly broke. With a sense of guilt and dread, these adults are grappling with whether and how to care for those who didn’t care for them.
Emily Yoffe of Slate wrote an interesting article exploring the question of whether grown children of neglectful or abusive parents have any obligation to take care those who didn't even fulfill their own: Link - Thanks facetedjewel!
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I don't think I'd have the empathy and desire to support the downtrodden that I do if it wasn't for my own experiences.
I like to say that it's not the good times that show a person's character but the bad. Someone who only has good times in their lives is a spoiled brat, right?
I survived, I am a better person than I was then. That is what I try to focus on.
My relationship with my father is better now that I'm 37, too. He stopped trying to push me in directions I didn't want to go. And while it's still strained, the last fistfight I got in with him was decades ago.
So yah. Could be worse.
Forgiveness needs to be sharply defined when dealing with family. The one I usually use is "Returning the relationship to the state prior to the other person's transgression." With parents, I use "Being civil in public and private." I never define Forgiveness as "Treating the other party in the manner they, or your peers, demand."
That was the day I realized I'd never be what he wanted me to be and literally said "**** him. I'm being who I am."
You speak truth.