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Ig® Nobel Limericks: Beard, Tobacco, Zipper

The following article is from The Annals of Improbable Research.

Ig Nobel Achievements distilled into limerick form
by Martin Eiger, Improbable Research Limerick Laureate

The Ig Nobel Prizes honor achievements that first make people laugh, then make them think. For details of all the Ig Nobel Prize--winning achievements, see each year's special Ig Nobel issue of the magazine, and also see the website.

2010 Ig Nobel Public Health Prize
Manuel Barbeito, Charles Mathews, and Larry Taylor of the Industrial Health and Safety Office, Fort Detrick, Maryland, USA, for determining by experiment that microbes cling to bearded scientists. ["Microbiological Laboratory Hazard of Bearded Men," Applied Microbiology, vol. 15, no. 4, July 1967, pp. 899--906.]

The news is far worse than I feared.
There's microbial life in one's beard.
Yes, the germs find a haven
On people unshaven.
And thus, I am off to be sheared.

Detail from the study "Microbiological Laboratory Hazard of Bearded Men.”

1996 Ig Nobel Medicine Prize
James Johnston of R.J. Reynolds, Joseph Taddeo of U.S. Tobacco, Andrew Tisch of Lorillard, William Campbell of Philip Morris, Edward A. Horrigan of Liggett Group, Donald S. Johnston of American Tobacco Company, and the late Thomas E. Sandefur, Jr., chairman of Brown and Williamson Tobacco Co. for their unshakable discovery, as testified to the U.S. Congress, that nicotine is not addictive.
The medical tests seem compelling,
But claims from the companies selling
Tobacco a lot
Say that nicotine's not
Addictive. I guess there's no telling.

1993 Ig Nobel Medicine Prize
James F. Nolan, Thomas J. Stillwell, and John P. Sands, Jr., medical men of mercy, for their painstaking research report, "Acute Management of the Zipper-Entrapped Penis" [Journal of Emergency Medicine, vol. 8, no. 3, May--June 1990, pp. 305--7].

It's a grabber, a grasper, a gripper,
A cutter, a cleaver, a clipper.
Do you know what to do?
It could happen to you,
When your penis gets trapped in your zipper.


The article above is from the January-February 2014 issue of the Annals of Improbable Research. You can download or purchase back issues of the magazine, or subscribe to receive future issues. Or get a subscription for someone as a gift!

Visit their website for more research that makes people LAUGH and then THINK.

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One time I was trying to find the children's book "Swallows and Amazons". You can imagine what appeared when I searched for 'amazon swallows'.
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