The Eleven Most Terrible Kid's Toys Ever

All children need toys, but not all toys are created alike. While most bad toys are simply a bit boring, these eleven are the absolute worst of the worst. In fact, you’ll notice a lot of these are so ridiculous that they have actually taken on a cult collector’s item status and now cost quite a pretty penny.

1. Toy Tazer

There are toy guns, toy bow and arrow sets, toy swords and more, but somehow a toy tazer still seems to take things a touch too far –particularly considering the “Police Electric Baton Shock” actually gives out real shocks.  On the upside, it’s only $3.50, so it’s much cheaper than most kid’s toys.

2. The Kaba Kick

Russian Roulette is a ton of fun, but it’s unfortunately completely permanent. If you want to practice the game without those deadly consequences, then you’d better go ahead and start out with the Kaba Kick and the more gentle pink hippo kicks that replace bullets.

3. Cleaning Trolley

It’s totally normal for kids to pretend to do grown up jobs, after all, some kids play house, some play doctor, some play superhero and some play with chemistry sets, but who wants to be a janitor? Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like a better idea to push your kids towards an intellectual pursuit than a job in the cleaning industry.

4. Playmobile Security Checkpoint

This just might be one of the most popular terrible toys of all time. In fact, it has become sort of a strange collector’s item, accounting for the fact that it costs an incredible $175 on Amazon right now. That’s a pretty big rip off considering how inaccurate the toy is, I mean you can’t even take off the passenger’s shoes before they go through the checkpoint.

5. Peeing Dog

Maybe it’s just me, but part of the point of giving your kids a dog toy is to skirt the responsibility issues that come with giving your kids a real dog. Unfortunately, giving your little ones a dog toy that still pees in the house seems to negate that benefit. But hey, at least he looks cute.

6. Gelli Baff

I have to admit, I’m torn on this one. On the one hand, the gel turns the water into a nasty and disgusting goop and who wants their kids to bathe in something like that? On the other hand, anything that makes your kids want to take a bath is a good thing, right?

7. Pregnant Midge

Originally there was just Barbie, but then she met Ken and started making friends. Eventually Midge hit the scene, but once she got pregnant with Nicky, she just didn’t quite fit in with the partying Barbie crowd. These days, she’s mostly seen at home watching her three children and hoping some giant monster doesn’t come by to rip open her stomach to extract her newest baby.

8. Breast Feeding Doll

There’s nothing wrong with a little girl wanting to play mommy to her dolls, but when she starts breast feeding the toy, that’s when it becomes a problem. If you’re one of those handful of weirdos that thinks a little girl should know how to properly breastfeed an infant though, then this Bebe Gloton doll is just what you need to help make sure your little angel is 100% ready to have a little angel of her own.

9. The Punisher Shape Shifter

While in the box, this toy looks innocent enough, but this toy design just might be one of the most absurd I’ve ever seen. How could this toy actually get through design, research and marketing without anyone realizing just how ridiculous it is to have a giant “power pistol” coming from The Punisher’s groin or butt that shoots when you pull back on the sleeve. Video link

10. Buzz Lightyear Sippy Cup

There’s nothing outright wrong with the idea of creating a Buzz Lightyear sippy cup…that is, until you put the straw right where his groin should be. To be fair, if you rotate the lid around it’s not so dirty, but the fact that you can even set it up to look like this is still pretty moronic.

11. Harry Potter Vibrating Broom

Again, this toy doesn’t seem like a bad idea until you give a young girl something to stick between her legs –and then make that thing vibrate. It wasn’t long before sex shops and parents alike took notice and Amazon quickly pulled the item from their inventory. But before that happened, the site had some great reviews like “When my 12 year old daughter asked for this for her birthday, I kind of wondered if she was too old for it, but she seems to LOVE it. Her friends love it too! They play for hours in her bedroom with this great toy. They really seem to like the special effects it offers (the sound effects and vibrating). My oldest daughter (17) really likes it too! I recommend this for all children." What are your favorite terrible kid’s toys? Please share in the comments.

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I'm all about having children "aspire to bigger things", but the pretend play involved in cleaning, play cash registers, cooking, etc. is just as important developmentally, if not moreso than playing doctor, vet, etc. Most toddlers spend a majority of the time in the home and other service industry settings rather than at the doctor. If they aren't imitating things they see, then there's a problem. I've worked with children receiving special education services with a wide range of abilities. For some it would be considered a huge success to become a janitor.
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Wait, wait, wait... So you are saying it's ok to teach a child how to take care of a baby with a bottle but not with her body? Why, because you are offended by the human body, or because you don't want to have "that" conversation with your kid(s) yet?

Your comment about a group of girls sucking on each others nipples because of a doll is one of the most ignorant things I have ever read...really? Because of a doll? I would hope that as a parent you would also explain the responsibility that comes with this...or maybe that's part of the "talk" you don't want to have.

Because you are uncomfortable with something doesn't mean you should project that on to your children. I just can't believe how stupified I am with your posts about this.

I guess you also believe that giving a toy gun to a child means you shouldn't be surprised if you walk into a room and one of them is on the floor dead. Oh wait there was a toy gun in this line up, but you were ok with that but not something that should come natural to any species...hipocrit?
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Ignore the trolls Jill. I didn't really find your comment offensive. You really took a harsh lashing from a lot of people. I think you were misunderstood. And then mob mentality took over...
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Jill, people seem to be missing your point. This is not about janitors and breast feeding. This is about the designers and promoters of toys for innocent children. When you buy the janitors kit go ahead and purchase the peeing dog the illiterate gelli baff and the Kaba Kick then your child can pretend to have something to mop up. The taser gun and the security sweep, now that’s a fine way to teach your children law enforcement is all about pain and suspicion. As far as the buzz sucky, the pocket rocket hero and a vibrator in any form that you sit on, well... Toys leave lifelong imprints on children like a bee sting or your favorite candy. Do you want your little boy playing with a brute with an erection, sporting a red tip at the end? He represents law enforcement as well. His weapon is basically an erection that shoots out something. AHHH!!! Designers, promoters and ignorant parents can damage the conscience of a child. Sit on your vibrating broom and think about it. Remember to get off the broom when you done thinking.
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"was always one of the only people that was not only nice to them, but made the extra effort to clean up after myself so they wouldn't have to do more work on my account."

wow. so you want credit for acting like a person should?
i have to agree with the majority of the other comments- most of the things written in this list came across as snotty and condescending. they might not have been meant that way, but that doesn't make them sound any less ignorant.

once i was in the toy section of a store, and saw a little boy begging his mom for a toy vacuum cleaner. "no, those are only for girls" she said. the janitors cart/breastfeeding doll comments smacked of that same kind of thinking.
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