The problem with being dead and buried - besides all that rotting flesh stuff - is that it's darned lonely to spend all of eternity by oneself.
Thankfully, inventor Jeff Dannenberg took care of the problem with this nifty and patented invention:
An apparatus and method for generating post-burial audio communications from surviving friends and loved ones in a casket by providing a burial
casket, and providing an electronic audio communication system for placement in said casket to automatically electronically generate post-burial communications in said casket.
This way, you can continue wish the dead "Happy Birthday," "Merry Christmas," "Happy Anniversary" until the end of time. Or until the battery runs out, whichever is first.
Link - Thanks Martin g!
Previously on Neatorama: Patently Silly Animal Patents | Top 10 Strangest Anti-Terrorism Patents
Comments (7)
My name is Jeff Dannenberg, I am the inventor of Eternal Communication Systems,(ECS) which is the subject of these comments.
After reading the above comments I felt the need to clarify a few points.
First of all, we all at some point dealt with grief and it is not easy, so ECS was designed to help ease the grieving process.
Here is how:
The first patent has to do with recording messages on the ECS device and to be played on dates which you choose annually over a period of nine years. The second patent revolves around being able to change the messages inside the casket after the burial through a wireless transmitter. The reason for the video feature is when I applied for a patent I tried to cover as broad of a range as possible to prevent anyone in the future from encroaching on my patent.
The actual product was devised to help the grieving cope with the loss of a loved one. It was not meant to make you believe that the deceased will hear the messages. Rather, the grieving can feel better knowing their loved ones will not be forgotten. Why do people go to a graveyards? Can the deceased see them or hear them? Why do people leave notes and pictures inside of caskets? ECS is just a new up-dated method to help people cope with the loss of a loved one.
Remember not everyone gets the chance to say their final good-byes.
Danno Inc.
Phone: 703-927-6826
Email: jeff.dannenberg@yahoo.com
www.eternalcommunication.com "coming soon"
Muslei Surprise
Serves 2
You will need:
5 eggs
110g muslei
150ml soy sauce
Instructions:
pre-heat the oven to 230 C
barbeque the muslei
spoon the muslei onto a warmed plate
discard the muslei
eat the soy sauce
put the eggs in the saucepan
bake for 40 minutes and serve hot
Yum.
I got this tasty treat:
Porridge Oats Crumble
Serves 3
You will need:
* 4 cabbages
* 60g porridge oats
Instructions:
1. pre-heat the oven to 220 C
2. whisk the cabbages
3. toast the porridge oats
4. bake for 80 minutes and serve hot
Yum.
Chocolate Stew
Serves 1
You will need:
*150g chocolate
*90g self-raising flour
Instructions:
1. fry the self-raising flour until browned
2. lightly fry the self-raising flour
3. fry the self-raising flour
4. rinse the chocolate
5. order out
Yum.
My recipe came out as such:
Sweet White Wine Vinegar Wedges With Warm Anchovies
Serves 5
You will need:
* 100g anchovies
* 140ml white wine vinegar
Instructions:
1. pre-heat the oven to 200 C
2. barbeque the white wine vinegar
3. spoon the white wine vinegar onto a warmed plate
4. defrost the anchovies
5. bake for 40 minutes and serve hot
Yum.
Okay, how am I supposed to barbeque the vinegar? I guess I could put it in a pan, but then how would I get those lovely grille marks on my vinegar?
Serves 2
You will need:
4 potatoes
1 spoons of mayonnaise
90g chocolate
150ml essence of vanilla
Instructions:
pre-heat the oven to 190 C
sift the chocolate
stir-fry the spoons of mayonnaise
sauté the potatoes
melt the potatoes
fry the chocolate
melt the potatoes
grill the essence of vanilla
bake for 80 minutes and serve hot
Yum.
Oranges With Oranges Dressing
Serves 4
You will need:
130g self-raising flour
3 oranges
110ml greek yogurt
Instructions:
discard the oranges
stir-fry the self-raising flour
discard the greek yogurt
throw it all away
Serves 2
You will need:
* 80g grapes
* 90ml red wine
Instructions:
1. slice the red wine
2. throw the red wine away
3. rinse the grapes
4. throw it all away
Yum. ;)
Some of my favorite instructions so far:
grind the toffee
slice the kidney beans
eat the plain flour
flambe the cabbages
fry the tomato ketchup until browned
melt the packets of dry onion soup mix
slice the exotic sauce
defrost the sugar
rinse the water
eat the milk
sift the prawns
microwave the sheets of rice paper
go down the pub
Interesting recipe titles:
Water Sanwich
Dry Onion Soup Mix a la Dry Onion Soup Mix
The only recipe that sounds reasonably edible so far:
Green Peppers Supreme
Serves 4
You will need:
1 green peppers
5 sausages
Instructions:
pre-heat the oven to 230 C
put the green peppers in the saucepan
heat the green peppers in the saucepan
fry the sausages until browned
bake for 60 minutes and serve hot
Yum.
Green Peppers Bake
Serves 5
You will need:
4 green peppers
60ml water
Instructions:
toast the water
barbeque the green peppers
enjoy
Yum.
Just a bit baffled on the "toast the water" bit.
Serves 4
You will need:
* 110ml red wine
* 150ml soy sauce
* 2 apples
Instructions:
1. pre-heat the oven to 220 C
2. rinse the red wine
3. sift the apples
4. toast the soy sauce
5. bake for 90 minutes and serve hot
Yum.
Serves 3
You will need:
* 60g noodles
* 130g beef
Instructions:
1. discard the noodles
2. rinse the beef
3. go down the pub
Yum.
Serves 2
You will need:
* 1 slices of bread
* 80ml soy sauce
* 20ml soy sauce
Instructions:
1. grill the soy sauce
2. whisk the soy sauce
3. barbeque the soy sauce
4. defrost the slices of bread
5. serve piping hot
Yum. Soy sauce soaked bread supreme!
It involved rinsing water.
Im not really sure how that would work.
White Wine Vinegar A La Sugar
Serves 2
You will need:
20g ginger
130ml brandy
140ml white wine vinegar
20ml hot pepper sauce
70g sugar
Instructions:
pre-heat the oven to 210 C
microwave the sugar
simmer the sugar gently for 20 minutes
fry the sugar
stir the sugar
throw the brandy away
mix the sugar in
eat the sugar
barbeque the white wine vinegar
throw the hot pepper sauce away
simmer the white wine vinegar gently for 20 minutes
spoon the white wine vinegar onto a warmed plate
flambe the white wine vinegar
melt the white wine vinegar
flip the white wine vinegar
mix the white wine vinegar in
barbeque the ginger
bake for 90 minutes and serve hot
Yum.
tea bag or coffee
200ml of cold water
20ml milk
sugar
method:
heat water using a kettle
place tea bag or coffee in a cup
pour boiled water in to cup
stir
add milk and sugar to taste.
order out and enjoy a cup of hot beverage whilst you wait for it to be delivered.