Leave A Message For The Dead

The problem with being dead and buried - besides all that rotting flesh stuff - is that it's darned lonely to spend all of eternity by oneself.

Thankfully, inventor Jeff Dannenberg took care of the problem with this nifty and patented invention:

An apparatus and method for generating post-burial audio communications from surviving friends and loved ones in a casket by providing a burial
casket, and providing an electronic audio communication system for placement in said casket to automatically electronically generate post-burial communications in said casket.

This way, you can continue wish the dead "Happy Birthday," "Merry Christmas," "Happy Anniversary" until the end of time. Or until the battery runs out, whichever is first.

Link - Thanks Martin g!

Previously on Neatorama: Patently Silly Animal Patents | Top 10 Strangest Anti-Terrorism Patents

I can almost visualize it like a movie. And its not good! :(
The camera starts at a shot of the grave stone with flowers, then goes downwards into the ground in a sort of cross-section view of grass, to roots, to dirt and centipedes crawling through the earth... and stops at the lid of a closed casket, where we the viewers hear a muffled noise coming from inside the box.
The camera then cuts to the view inside the coffin, where we see Grandma: A rather juicy mummy, with a nice growth of natural molds and decompositions that has spread its little black tendrils around the interior of the casket, up one wall and to the little audio device installed on the side.
We then hear the message again, a young cherubic voice saying: "Merry Christmas Grandmaaa"!
And the camera goes in for a juicy raisin head close-up, right as some decaying dental work (such as a false tooth) falls loose into the open mouth.

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My name is Jeff Dannenberg, I am the inventor of Eternal Communication Systems,(ECS) which is the subject of these comments.

After reading the above comments I felt the need to clarify a few points.
First of all, we all at some point dealt with grief and it is not easy, so ECS was designed to help ease the grieving process.

Here is how:
The first patent has to do with recording messages on the ECS device and to be played on dates which you choose annually over a period of nine years. The second patent revolves around being able to change the messages inside the casket after the burial through a wireless transmitter. The reason for the video feature is when I applied for a patent I tried to cover as broad of a range as possible to prevent anyone in the future from encroaching on my patent.

The actual product was devised to help the grieving cope with the loss of a loved one. It was not meant to make you believe that the deceased will hear the messages. Rather, the grieving can feel better knowing their loved ones will not be forgotten. Why do people go to a graveyards? Can the deceased see them or hear them? Why do people leave notes and pictures inside of caskets? ECS is just a new up-dated method to help people cope with the loss of a loved one.

Remember not everyone gets the chance to say their final good-byes.

Danno Inc.
Phone: 703-927-6826
Email: jeff.dannenberg@yahoo.com
www.eternalcommunication.com "coming soon"
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