Sweet Nothings

Zurich, 1916. A foggy and bleak afternoon. Gazing upon an empty absinthe-scented glass, Jacques postulated…was the glass like the universe? Is there ever any there there?

Jacques makes mountains of nothing and would have droned on until dawn had not the vacant-eyed Swiss barmaid draped over my left knee roused herself and interjected with an uncharacteristic swell of a work ethic, “Will zair be anysing else tonight?”

Predictably, Jacques replied, “Nothing.”

Said the waitress, “When I desire nothing, I have one of zese.”

From the pocket of her dingy fondue-smeared apron, she produced a diminutive, elegant tin and held it before us. It was a befitting black, the absence of color. She sensuously slid back the lid to reveal “Nihilist Flavorless Mints.” Insubstantiality distilled to its essence, suspended in a delicate cocktail of maltodextrine and corn syrup, they tasted like nothing, and left us wanting more. They were the concrete manifestation of our nonexistence, with a hint of the sweet aftertaste of oblivion. Did these mints exist at all? If a mint that tastes like nothing is sucked in the forest…

What a paradox, so Seinfeldian, though we knew it not by that name at that time. It would have been the perfect gift for all of our friends, had we any other than ourselves. The unsettlingly uncharacteristic look of completion in Jacques’ eyes said it all: no longer would we exchange empty boxes at Christmas.

______

The story above is written by the dynamic duo Drs. Ernest and Convalescence Bidet-Wellville (hey, I didn’t name ‘em) of the University of Self-Conscious Consumerism in Olde Busytowne, Connecticut. I suspect they write cover stories for the CIA, so if I’m inexplicably missing the next few days, you know what happened.

Available from the Neatorama Shop: Nihilist Flavorless Mint | See also our vast selection of other Offbeat Mints and Candies

On the Isle of Man Scotland, the government has commissioned a three-sided coin to commemorate King Tutankhamun and the Golden Age of the Pharaohs’ exhibition at the O2 arena in London.

The copper coin which bears a portrait of the Queen and an image of Tutankhamun, is marketed by the Isle of Man’s Post Office as “a unique gift” that is “a must for all Egyptologists” and costs £15 ($30).

On one side, it shows Tutankhamun, the teenage pharaoh who died 3,330 years ago, and on the other, a portrait of Queen Elizabeth II.

John Smith, the general manager of Pobjoy Mint, which is striking the coins, said he was “delighted to launch the first ever pyramid coin”.

Mr Smith also added that no limit had been set on the number of coins that could be produced.

Link: Telegraph