The following is an article from Uncle John's Unstoppable Bathroom Reader. When people enter the federal government's Witness Protection Program, they're supposed to hide, right?

1. WISEGUY: Henry Hill, a member of New York's Lucchese crime family and participant in the $5.8 million Lufthansa heist from New York's Kennedy Airport in 1978, the largest cash theft in U.S. history.

IN THE PROGRAM: The Witness Protection program relocated him to Redmond, Washington, in 1980, and Hill, who's changed his name to Martin Lewis, was supposed to keep a low profile and stay out of trouble. He wasn't very good at either -in 1985 he and writer Nicholas Pileggi turned his mob exploits into the bestselling book Wiseguy, which became the hit move Goodfellas.

WHAT HAPPENED: When the book became a bestseller, "Martin Lewis" couldn't resist telling friends and neighbors who he really was. Even worse, he reverted to his life of crime. Since 1980 Hill has racked up a string of arrests for crimes ranging from drunk driving to burglary and assault. In 1987 he tried to sell a pound of cocaine to two undercover Drug Enforcement officers, which got him thrown out of the Witness Protection Program for good. "Henry couldn't go straight," says Deputy Marshal Bud McPherson. "He loved being a wiseguy. He didn't want to be anything else."

2. WISEGUY: Aladena "Jimmy the Weasel" Fratianno, mafia hit man and acting head of the Los Angeles mob. When he entered the Witness Protection program in 1977, Fratianno was the highest-ranking mobster ever to turn informer.

IN THE PROGRAM: Fratianno had another claim to fame: he is also the highest-paid witness in the history of the program. Between 1977 and 1987, he managed to get the feds to pay for his auto insurance, gas, telephone bills, real-estate taxes, monthly check to his mother-in-law, and his wife's facelift and breast implants.

WHAT HAPPENED: The Justice Department feared the payments made the program look "like a pension fund for aging mobsters," so he was thrown out of the program in 1987. But by that time, Fratianno had already soaked U.S. taxpayers for an estimated $951,326. "He was an expert at manipulating the system," McPherson said. Fratianno died in 1993.

3. WISEGUY: James Cardinali, a five-time murderer who testified against Gambino crime boss John Gotti at his 1987 murder trial. Gotti, nicknamed the "Teflon Don," beat the rap, but Cardinali still got to enter the Witness Protection Program after serving a reduced sentence for his own crimes. After his release, federal marshals gave him a new identity and relocated him to Oklahoma.

IN THE PROGRAM: Witnesses who get new identities aren't supposed to tell anyone who they really are, and when Cardinali slipped up and told his girlfriend in 1989, the program put him on a bus to Albuquerque, New Mexico, and told him to get lost.

Stravinsky and Nijinsky

The most infamous riot in the history of the performing arts began with the violins in Stravinsky’s “The Rite of Spring.” But more remarkable than the fistfight was the way the piece revolutionized classical music and ballet.

On the night of May 29, 1913, an elegant Parisian crowd assembled for the first performance of Igor Stravinsky’s eagerly anticipated new ballet, “The Rite of Spring.” The opening seemed promising, but then the violins kicked in with a pulsing chord so dissonant that it made spectators wince. As the orchestra continued, the audience hissed and booed. They rose to their feet and shouted—some defending the music, but most denouncing it. People began whacking each other with canes, umbrellas, and, before long, bare fists. Stravinsky’s musical revolution had arrived.

Prelude to “The Rite”

By one account, the idea for “The Rite of Spring” came to Stravinsky in a dream. He envisioned a pagan rebirth ritual, with people throwing themselves before vengeful gods. Rather than a cheerful celebration of springtime, it was a dark and superstitious rite. To compose music appropriate for such a vision, Stravinsky tossed aside convention and broke new ground in rhythm and harmony. He constructed atonal chords never heard before and developed a meter so complex that he struggled to accurately record it on paper. At times in the piece, parts of the orchestra actually seem to be playing against each other.

Stravinsky first performed “The Rite of Spring” for ballet director Sergei Diaghilev and orchestra conductor Pierre Monteux. Both men were shocked and overwhelmed. Later, Monteux wrote that he didn’t understand one note of it and wanted to flee the room. Nevertheless, plans for the ballet got under way. Diaghilev entrusted the choreography to dance phenom Vaslav Nijinsky, whose steps proved just as inspired as the music.


Concept, costumes, and set designs by Nicholas Roerich.

The first signs of trouble came during rehearsals. The ballerinas complained that Nijinsky’s flat-footed, straight-knee jumps jarred them to their bones, and the musicians struggled to keep up with Stravinsky’s galloping pace. At one point, after practicing a particularly dissonant section, the orchestra couldn’t help but burst into nervous laughter.

You've seen many minimalist art posters based on movies, but how about minimalist posters for internet memes? Artist Stefan Van Zoggel created 29 of them so far, illustrating both classic and recent memes. Link -via Blame It On The Voices

Jen Yates has a roundup of cake wrecks celebrating the Super Bowl. Can you decipher the message on these cupcakes?

HINT: It's starts with the word "gone."

Both teams are represented equally in the collection at Cake Wrecks. Link

This is what happens when the person who actually saw something is not the same person who has the art supplies to illustrate it. They probably never even met, so what you end up with is somewhat akin to the Telephone Game. There are more examples at Buzzfeed. Some drawings may be technically NSFW. Link

(vimeo link)

Once, a short film like this would have been called "experimental." Now it's an art form. Shinji Inamoto presents wildly transforming objects for the sake of enjoying the transformations. -via Laughing Squid

No matter how much you think you know, science is always coming up with new findings. Think you are safe from STDs? Think again:

Studies show over 80% of all sexually active adults will contract an STD at some point, although most won't notice. That's because 80% of all people who contract one of the 25 varieties of STDs don't show any symptoms and most don't even realize they have one. In fact, the American Social Health Association estimates that 80% of sexually active people contract the Human Papillomavirus (HPV) at one point in their life. While those statistics were taken before the HPV vaccine was released, the vaccine only prevents two of the most dangerous strains of the disease, meaning even those vaccinated can still catch one of the many other strains.

While the numbers sound scary, the upside is that most people who contract an STD won't suffer any negative effects as a result.

That's just one of a list of ten thing you probably didn't know that you can learn about at Oddee. Be prepared that this list contains adults-only subject matter, but the images are SFW. Link

Another in the parade of February holidays is tomorrow: Super Bowl Sunday! Giants vs. Patriots, a rematch of the 2008 game. The ads, of course, are the ultimate efforts of the ad agencies. But I found out years ago that the best will be on the internet the next day. This year, many advertisers are releasing their Super Bowl ads to the internet before the game. That's honestly a great idea, because that way they won't get lost in the inevitable "ten best Super Bowl Commercials" lists. You've already seen the Budweiser Canada Flashmob and the Bark Side, and no doubt there will be more of "the best" all this coming week. This past week was a lot of fun here at Neatorama, what with Groundhog Day and lots of interesting things to share. Here are our features, in case you missed anything.

Eddie Deezen asked the cinematic question Why Did Bill Murray Keep Going Back in Groundhog Day? And then answered it.

Jill Harness told about 5 Terrible Inventions From Otherwise Great Inventors. We all have our off days.

Time Travel Movie Marathon gave us some great film suggestions, courtesy of Uncle John's Bathroom Reader.

From the Annals of Improbable Research, we had Scientific Dining: Reviews of Research Institute Cafeterias (part one).

And mental_floss magazine brought us 5 Lessons from the Gurus of Spin.

In the What Is It? game this week, these strange-looking goggles are Masonic Hoodwink Goggles, they were used as a blindfold in rituals of initiation. Edward K knew that, and wins a t-shirt from the NeatoShop!  Pismonque came up with a great funny answer: “These are Fear Goggles, the companion to Beer Goggles. When you wake up mostly sober at 5 AM and stumble to the loo, they act as blinders against the horror of discovering your newest intimate acquaintance. The flip-down lids protect against the increasing light of morning and prolong the denial.” That wins a t-shirt! Find out the answers for all the mystery items at the What Is It? Blog.

The most commented-on post was The World's First Heartless Man, and they weren't all jokes. Coming in second was Teaching High School Students to Work at Walmart, which I thought for sure would be #1.

After you catch up on everything that's happened this week, you may want to browse through The Best of Neatorama, where we have all our great feature articles listed -you're sure to find something that tickles your fancy! Check us out on Twitter and Facebook as well!

Championship games have champions, and champion t-shirts. But since we don't know who that is until the championship game is over, championship shirts are printed for both teams, so they can be presented to the winning team immediately. It looks good on TV, you know. But what happens to the other shirts -the ones with the losing team's name on them? They used to be incinerated, but that has changed over the years. Read all about it at mental_floss. Link

(Image credit: Reuters/Oswaldo Rivas/Landov)

Have you stocked up on chips for the big football weekend? Enhance your enjoyment of Fritos and chili by reading up on the chips, which were first mass-produced by C.E. Doolin after he bought the recipe from a Mexican chef named Gustavo Olquin in 1932. Doolin’s daughter Kaleta wrote a book about her father and his chips.

She says her father worked briefly as a fry cook for Olquin and paid Olquin and his unnamed business partner $100 for a customized, hand-operated potato ricer, their 19 business accounts and the recipe for fritos—the patentable Anglo re-branding of Mexican fritas, or “little fried things.” Doolin borrowed $20 from the business partner; the rest came from his mother, Daisy Dean Doolin, who hocked her wedding ring for $80.

Doolin later introduced Cheetos, and the company he founded makes Doritos and Tostitos as well. Read the rest of the story at the Food & Think blog. Link

(YouTube link)

Even one Saint Bernard by itself is a lot of dog. Yes, they belong to a breeder, Lasquite's Saint Bernards in British Columbia. I can't even imagine how much kibble they go through. -via reddit

They had the best of intentions, but certain public service campaigns ended up making something really bad for you appear awesome. The bad experiences were tempered to keep from frightening children, which only undermined the message. And some downright pushed the bad stuff, like a 1997 physical fitness campaign featuring children gorging themselves on chocolate cake.

Look back at those screencaps! You've never enjoyed anything as much as those children did those chocolate cakes. They make fudge smoothies (which, we're sorry, is a bad idea how? That's the entire business model of Cold Stone Creamery) and even build whole fortresses out of chocolate; that's like the most fun afternoon of anybody's childhood. Have you guys never seen Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory? It's like all the best parts of that movie come to life, and without all the child murder.

Other campaigns managed to make drugs and venereal disease look attractive. Read about them all at Cracked. Link

Look at the size of this moth -it's 11 inches across! This is the Atlas moth, the largest moth species in the world. The wings have transparent "windows" that are not holes, but translucent tissue. See many more pictures of this gorgeous moth at Environmental Graffiti. Link

(Image credit: Flickr user fabianfred)

Hans Feldmeier received a can of lard from supplies distributed to Germans by the United States after World War II. He stashed it away and never opened the can. Feldmeier, who lives in Warnemünde, Germany, near the Baltic Sea, recently found the can and took it to authorities to see if it was still edible.

“Overall, the product has a degree of freshness and material composition necessary to be assessed to be satisfactory after 64 years,” according to the State Office for Agricultural, Fisheries and Food Security.

The authorities did, however, find minor deficiencies in the lard’s smell and taste, discovering that it was slightly gritty and appeared old, meaning it could not compete with the quality of a fresh sample. Still, it appeared to be fit for human consumption, they said.

The office credited the air-tight US can and preservatives for maintaining the lard in such pristine condition over the years.

Feldmeier was delighted to hear of the unusually successful preservation, but when he requested his can back from the agency, they gave it back to him empty. Link

You've heard of these people -because they wanted you to! Here are some pointers in the art of publicity from history's greatest masters of hype.

KILL OFF YOUR RIVALS | Benjamin Franklin

During colonial times, the almanac business was cutthroat. The books were the bestsellers of their day -fun compendiums full of facts and witticisms. So, in 1732, Benjamin Franklin decided to enter the game with Poor Richard's Almanack. In an early edition, Franklin jokingly predicted that rival almanac writer Titan Leeds would die on October 17, 1733 at 3:29 PM, the very instance of a conjunction of the Sun and Mercury.

Humorless, Leeds took the bait and ridiculed Franklin publicly. The response only generated more press for Poor Richard's Almanack, turning it into a best seller. After October 17 came and went, and Leeds was still breathing, Franklin kept up the gag, claiming Leeds was dead and pretenders were writing under his name. Five years later, when Leeds finally passed away for real, Franklin thanked the imposters for stopping their ruse. By then, Poor Richard's Almanack had made Franklin a rich man many times over.

STAND ON THE SHOULDERS OF GIANT ... TURTLES | Salvador and Gala Dali

(YouTube link)

Though notorious in Europe, Salvador Dali and his savvy wife, Gala, weren't famous in the United States until 1941, when they took the nation by metaphysical storm. To introduce themselves to Americans, the Dalis threw an unforgettably weird party in Pebble Beach, California, called "Night in a Surrealist Forest." Dali decked the room with 12,000 shoes, 2,000 pine trees, 24 animal heads, 24 mannequins, and a wrecked car. His guest list ranged from A-list stars, such as Clark Gable, to wild animals, including a baby tiger. At one point in the evening, Bob Hope screamed when, after removing the dome from a plate, a toad leapt out at him. After the bizarre bash, Dali conducted an interview for American Weekly from a tall chair -its legs resting on the backs of four giant turtles. Gala claimed the chair "stimulates the artist's creative powers."