Neatorama presents a guest post from actor, comedian, and voiceover artist Eddie Deezen. Visit Eddie at his website.

Jimmy Nicol was an adept and professional 24-year-old drummer who had played with several British bands and on many recording sessions. Jimmy, a well-respected journeyman musician, had recently formed a new band in 1964 called The Shubdubs. Ordinarily, all this would probably never meant a hill of beans to anyone but Jimmy's friends, relatives, bandmates, and girlfriend -but things were to take a very abrupt change in the life of Jimmy Nicol. He was about to skyrocket from total obscurity to becoming one of the most famous people on the planet Earth.

On June 3, 1964, Ringo Starr, the Beatles' ultra-popular drummer, collapsed and was hospitalized from a severe and sudden case of tonsillitis. The Beatles, the four most popular and famous human beings in show business (or any other business), were on the eve of their next tour, taking in Australia, Holland, Denmark, and Hong Kong. Frantic, the Beatles' manager Brian Epstein huddled with their producer George Martin.

The "canceling the tour" option was obvious, but that would result in thousands of disappointed fans, not to mention millions of lost pounds. The Beatles were approached with the idea of embarking on their tour without Ringo, using a fill-in drummer instead. John and Paul were surprisingly agreeable and accepted the idea readily. It was George Harrison who refused. "If Ringo's not going, I'm not going,"said George firmly. "You can find two replacements." Finally, after much persuasion, George gave in.

Jimmy Nicol received a phone call from out of the blue, midday on June 3, 1964. "I was having a bit of a lie down after lunch when the phone rang," said Jimmy. After what must have been the most surreal phone call of his life, Jimmy Nicol drove to the Beatles' office, rehearsed quickly with the boys, and was packed and ready to leave for Australia.

When Jimmy's fee was discussed, Brian offered £2,500 and a £2,500 bonus up front. "Good God," chimed in perennial agitator John Lennon. "You'll make the chap crazy. Give him £10,000!"

Jimmy Nicol was going to be the new drummer for the Beatles. "I got no sleep that night," remembered Jimmy (you think?). Now one-fourth of the Fab Four, Jimmy arrived with his mated in Melbourne the next day. On June 4, 300,000 fans lined the streets and greeted the Beatles as they were driven from the airport to their hotel. (As an interesting bit of Beatle trivia, this crowd was to be the biggest to ever see the Beatles. It is quite ironic that Ringo was not there to share the experience.)

His hair now combed down into a semi-Beatles moptop, Jimmy hopped up on his drum kit and drummed on that night's Melbourne concert, undoubtedly realizing that just a few hours ago, if he had dropped off the face of the Earth, a handful of people would have been affected or cared. Jimmy wore Ringo's suit (the pants were too short). Paul recalled, "He was sitting up on his rostrum eyeing all the women." The Beatles' usual concert set of eleven songs was clipped down to ten, as Ringo's trademark song "I Wanna Be Your Man" bit the dust.

Once again, it's time for our collaboration with the always fascinating What Is It? Blog. Do you know what this thing is? Or can you make an amusing wild guess?

Place your guess in the comment section below. One guess per comment, please, though you can enter as many as you'd like. Post no URLs or weblinks, as doing so will forfeit your entry. Two winners: the first correct guess and the funniest (albeit ultimately wrong) guess will win T-shirt from the NeatoShop.

Please write your T-shirt selection alongside your guess. If you don't include a selection, you forfeit the prize, okay? May we suggest the Science T-Shirt, Funny T-Shirt and Artist-Designed T-Shirts?

See more pictures of the mystery item at the What Is It? Blog. Good luck!

Update: the mystery item is a woodworker's compass, a pencil or scribe placed into one of the holes would make a circle of the appropriate size when the compass was rotated around the spike. Berhard had the correct answer first, and wins a t-shirt from the NeatoShop! The funniest answer came from robopanda, who guessed it to be an extreme incense burner for especially smelly hippies! That's definitely worth a t-shirt. Thanks to everyone who played this week! Find out the purposes to all the mystery items of the week at the What Is It? blog.

Louis Ortiz was unemployed for a year when a bartender told him that if he shaved, he'd look like the president. Ortiz ran with the idea, and now appears at events, in movies, and on the streets of New York. A short documentary at the New York Times follows Ortiz through his transformation. Don't miss the Romney lookalike that appears toward the end. Link -via Breakfast Links

Too many decisions to make! This Twaggie was illustrated by David Barneda from a Tweet by SlayerSays. Check out all the illustrated Tweets (and you may find one you want on a t-shirt) at Twaggies! Link

Ig Nobel Achievements distilled into limerick form
by Martin Eiger, Improbable Research Limerick Laureate

The Ig Nobel Prizes honor achievements that first make people laugh, then make them think. For details of all the Ig Nobel Prize–winning achievements, see each year’s special Ig Nobel issue of the magazine, and also see the website.

1998 Ig Nobel Statistics Prize

(Image credit: Flickr user Hairy Razor)

The prize was awarded to Jerald Bain of Mt. Sinai Hospital in Toronto and Kerry Siminoski of the University of Alberta for their carefully measured report, “The Relationship Among Height, Penile Length, and Foot Size.” [Published in Annals of Sex Research, vol. 6, no. 3, 1993, pp. 231-5.]

They looked at Moes, Curlys, and Larrys.
They studied some Toms, Dicks, and Harrys.
They measured the size
Of parts of these guys.
Two stay fixed over time, while one varies.

1994 Ig Nobel Chemistry Prize

(Image credit: Flickr user zhouxuan12345678)

If you're already tired of the never-ending marathons of Halloween horror films on TV, maybe you'd like to celebrate the season by some reading. Flavorwire has some suggestions in a reading list that ranges from Hamlet (yes, it's a ghost story) to Aim For the Head: An Anthology of Zombie Poetry.

Maybe it’s just us, but we always consider poetry as a form (barring, you know, limericks) to be naturally a little more highbrow than prose. Which balances out the fact that zombies are probably the most lowbrow of popular monsters. So if you’re a poetry buff looking for a little excitement on a cold October night, or just someone who’s felt the incomprehensible urge to compose a poetic ode to The Walking Dead, we suggest this anthology, which takes itself seriously, but not too seriously.

You're sure to find something intriguing in the list of 10 books. Link

(YouTube link)

They pay close attention and learn well until they decide it's time to eat the experiment! Next up: the lesson on Schroedinger's Cat. -via Buzzfeed

(YouTube link)

In this short film by Christopher Kezelos, a rabbit-like creature channels Dr. Frankenstein. But there's a twist here that Mary Shelley's work did not have. -via the Presurfer

The British company Bodyform, which manufactures "towels," or what Americans now call maxi pads or mini pads, or sanitary napkins to those of an age to no longer need them. Richard Neill left a message on the firm's Facebook page, which is a basic retelling of an old joke.

Hi , as a man I must ask why you have lied to us for all these years . As a child I watched your advertisements with interest as to how at this wonderful time of the month that the female gets to enjoy so many things ,I felt a little jealous. I mean bike riding , rollercoasters, dancing, parachuting, why couldn't I get to enjoy this time of joy and 'blue water' and wings !! Dam my penis!! Then I got a girlfriend, was so happy and couldn't wait for this joyous adventurous time of the month to happen .....you lied !! There was no joy , no extreme sports , no blue water spilling over wings and no rocking soundtrack oh no no no. Instead I had to fight against every male urge I had to resist screaming wooaaahhhhh bodddyyyyyyfooorrrmmm bodyformed for youuuuuuu as my lady changed from the loving , gentle, normal skin coloured lady to the little girl from the exorcist with added venom and extra 360 degree head spin. Thanks for setting me up for a fall bodyform , you crafty bugger

Bodyform responded with a video featuring a statement from their "CEO." It may be NSFW if your employer is a real prude.

(YouTube link)

From the YouTube page:

We are always grateful for input from our users, but your comment was particularly poignant. If Facebook had a "love" button, we'd have clicked it. But it doesn't. So we've made you a video instead. Unfortunately Bodyform doesn't have a CEO. But if it did she'd be called Caroline Williams. And she'd say this.

-via Metafilter

Scarecrows should, by definition, be scary, at least to birds. Encountering this one would give anyone the heebie-jeebies for a good week or so! It's described as what an Tolkien Orc would look like if it were struck by lightning. This is just one from the list of 13 Creepy Geeky Scarecrows you'll see at WebUrbanist. Link -via Maajak World

Update: The scarecrow shown here is a sculpture from 2005 called Roots, by Pumpkinrot. -Thanks, Linda H!

The concept is simple -you pedal, the rotors turn, and air is displaced. But you need a lot of power to displace a lot of air and maintain control over the craft at the same time. Engineering student Graham Bowen-Davies is trying to work out the best design for a human-powered helicopter, which is no easy task.

Bowen-Davies and dozens of his fellow students from the University of Maryland are chasing one of aviation's last milestones: the Sikorsky Prize. The American Helicopter Society (AHS) has promised $250,000 to the team that can build a human-powered helicopter. All it has to do is hover for a minute, reach a height of 3 meters (about 10 feet), and stay in a 10-meter box.

Turns out, that's harder than it sounds. The prize has been unclaimed for more than three decades.

Making the craft very light is a shortcut to powering it, but that makes it harder to control. Recent designs are getting closer to fulfilling the Sikorsky Prize requirements. Read more and see a video of these crafts at NPR. Link -via Kottke

(vimeo link)

The music video for "Time To Go" by Wax Tailor feat Aloe Blacc stars a crocheted "quadropus" swimming through the urban landscape as if it were the deep blue sea. The video was produced by Oh Yeah Wow. -via The Daily What  

You never forget the moral of the story when you've got a chill running up your spine, and there was always a moral of some kind in the TV series The Twilight Zone. However, the lessons you learned might not be the same as those selected by Uproxx's Josh Kurp. For example, for the above picture, the lesson is:

Twitter and website comment sections have always existed, in some form or another.

And you thought the show was teaching us things like "be careful what you wish for." Ha! Link

(YouTube link)

If there was any question of why Henry Thomas got the role of Elloit in the movie E.T: The Extraterrestrial, just take a peek at his audition. You might want to grab a hankie. -via The Daily What

Mike Fay and Enric Sala are exploring the waters off the coast of Gabon with an eye toward protecting its ecosystem. This picture was taken when their remote operated vehicle (ROV) selected a shell from the sea floor.  

When we picked up the shell from the ROV’s arm, to our surprise, a small octopus came out of the shell. It was a female that laid her eggs inside the shell. We put shell and octopus in a tank with seawater, and after one minute thousands of octopus larvae started to stream out of the shell. The octopus eggs were hatching! That was the first time we had observed such a magnificent show. The larvae were changing coloration from transparent with dark spots to brown, and swimming like squid – although on a millimeter scale.

Link -Thanks, Marilyn Terrell!

(Image credit:Enric Sala)