i could never have a chip on my shoulder. i'd totally eat it before anyone saw it. - @sbellelauren
~Illustration by:Â Pete Hillstrom~
Team Twaggies's Blog Posts
Showed the kids here how to eat corn-on-the-cob typewriter style. Now explaining typewriter -Â @beingtheo
~Illustration by:Â Kaz Foxsen~
Fact: I broke up with a guy because his pre-sneeze face scared the crap out of me. - @emvetica
~Illustration by:Â Kevin Coffee~
Relationships are like a seesaw. If one of you gets too bored or too fat, the fun's over. - @DoubleBerg426
~Illustration by: Nicholas Dennis~
Please note: They are called "skinny" jeans... not "make you skinny" jeans. - @MistookMistake
~Illustration by:Â Kevin Coffee~
The best part of the new Lady Gaga album is the part in between songs where there's no music. -  @DepressedDarth
~Illustration by: Anna Beck~
The adult version of Operation is trying not to break a tortilla chip while dipping it into a jar of salsa. @DamienFahey
~Illustration by:Â Kaz Foxsen~
Instead of mandatory steroid testing for athletes, why not just make every athlete take steroids? - @willwrite4beer
~Illustration by: Gideon Virgadamo~
Just for the record, if roles were reversed, there’s no way a cat would keep four or more middle-aged women around. - @shawnries
~Illustration by:Â Kevin Coffee~
It's weird that there are no humans in the Planet Earth series. Where's the rich white guy who shoots the lion? - @Ty_Schutz
Every time I pull up in my Smart Car, the garage asks, "Is it in yet?" @shariv67
~Illustration by:Â Kaz Foxsen~
Keep a set of maracas on your desk so people won't suspect that you're opening pill bottles all day long - @FilthyRichmond
~Illustration by:Â Kevin Coffee~
Just played a round of one of my favorite games #oopsnotmyprius - @goldenjessica
~Illustration by: John P. Dessereau~
Pretty sure I just got the first draft version of the justin bieber haircut - @PaulBriganti
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