Nothing gets me closer to murder than pedestrians who are out pacing me while I sit in traffic. @GSouder
Team Twaggies's Blog Posts
~Illustration by:Â Kevin Coffee~
The fact that we don't use towels to dry towels makes me question the value of towels. - @donni
~Illustrated by:Â Greg Smith~
I thought that by this point in my life, I would be a Tyrannosaurus Rex. Eight year old me would be so ashamed of current me. -Â @JonMoisan
~Illustration by:Â Jeff Naslund~
We only keep a landline so I can call my cell when I lose it in the house. - @bulls_horns
By the way, let the record reflect that I inadvertently created the international emoticon for bipolar disorder today : ) : @zcrantz
One advantage of being 40+ on Twitter is the keen ability to spot an unoriginal tweet because you read it off a t-shirt in 1979. -Â @_JimmySnow__
~Illustration by: Jeff Naslund~
BREAKING: A cat did something - details on YouTube. - @SKYENICOLAS
~Illustration by: Nicholas Spence~
Note to self: Self does not want anymore notes. Fuck off. -Â @slyoung5
~Illustration by: Ingrid Doering~
I got a new car for my husband. BEST.TRADE. EVER. - @PortlandiaGirl
~ Illustration by:Â Gary Krejca~
Waitress: 'Do u have any questions about the menu?' Me: 'What kind of font is this?' @rainnwilson
Some app I accidentally downloaded makes my phone beep everytime I lie! But please don't tell. People think it's my fake boyfriend texting. -Â @SEAempire
~Illustration by:Â Kevin Coffee~
There’s nothing like your first romantic kiss, except maybe your first romantic kiss with another person…so I’ve heard. - @Xytrex
~ Illustration by:Â Gary Krejca~
I wish salaries were based on the number of 90's rap songs you could repeat verbatim. -Â @AcesEveryTime
If Picasso was such a great painter, how come Sherwin-Williams got a paint store named after him and he didn't? -Â @emcognito
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