~Illustrated by: Cecile Dyer~
Apparently "some assembly required" is IKEA for "here's a pine tree and some nails." - @derekasaurus
Team Twaggies's Blog Posts
~Illustration by:Â Matt Lassen~
I bet by now cocaine is actually getting tired of Lindsay Lohan. - @iHateJeffBaker~Illustration by:Â Kevin Coffee~
What kind of cruel world do we live where a person’s leg has an easier time falling asleep than they do? - @MistookMistake~Illustration by: Matt Lassen~
Sometimes when I squint my eyes and pout my lips I look like a model. -Â @Hemza3000~Illustrated by: Brian Hamill~
The only royal wedding I would care about would be between Burger King and Dairy Queen. -Â @IGotsSmarts
Enjoying bacon. Call me paranoid, but I'm afraid one day someone's gonna discover bacon is bad for you. -Â @khoi
 ~Illustration by: Pete Hillstrom~
wow. i had no idea how much gravity was the nine-month-pregnant woman's enemy until i spent an hour floating in a pool. never getting out. - @sarahcuda
~Illustrated by:Â Joanna Ong~
Came home to find an AT&T phonebook on my doorstep. Along with a boom box and an Apple Macintosh Classic. -Â @jamiedenbo
Every so often, I Google myself just to make sure that I still exist. -Â @IamMsMoneypenny
~Illustration by:Â Carnilius R~
I think guys that wear Speedos should have to wear the bikini top too. -Â @JimGaffigan
I had this one night stand, and the next morning I felt so guilty I bought another one for the other side of the bed. -Â @iNusku
 ~Illustration by: Pete Hillstrom~
"Baby, I'll show you the world tomorrow! The game is on!" - Married Aladdin - @stevenamiri
~Illustration by:Â Kevin Coffee~
"Pew! Pew!" - priests pointing out seating in church. -Â @vonbunnie
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