~Illustrated by:Â Chris Pittas~
In a perfect world you'd be able to mark people as spam in real life. @DumbNOTDeaf (now @Kyle_Lippert)Team Twaggies's Blog Posts
~Illustration by:Â Kevin Coffee~
My phone auto-corrected "haha" to "hahaha" -- um, yea it was funny, but let's keep our pants on. @letsgetgizzy
It's time for someone to build a human version of a bug zapper. Set it up directly in the middle of a mall food court. Then watch and wait. -Â Â @jwalkonthemoon
~Illustration by:Â Kevin Coffee~
Apparently singing "total eclipse of the heart" in an elevator makes people uncomfortable. It's not my fault that song requires eye contact. @primawesome  ~Illustration by: Matt Lassen~
My grandma asked if "tweeting" was a new drug kids are doing and I said yes because the truth is more embarrassing.  @MorganJ7
I need to work on my "please don't talk to me" face. Apparently, it's shockingly similar to my "tell me every random thought you have" face @eTHEgoddess
~Illustrated by: Dennis Culver~
There are bad dates and then there are the...Please let the restaurant start on fucking fire in the next ten minutes kind. -Â @ecorno2~Illustrated by: Chris Pittas~
If I had to define my style, I'd probably go with "Disney World Dad" @WritingWilkie  ~Illustration by: Matt Lassen~
Instead of bottling up my emotions, I put them in little ziploc bags. They stay much fresher that way. -Â Glorificus917~Illustration by:Â Kevin Coffee~
I refuse to use a GPS system until it can tell me how to get to Sesame Street.  @IGotsSmarts
Hey, Dora. How about we ease up on the Spanish lessons and teach my son how to wipe his own ass? @DadNeedsADrink
 ~Illustration by: Matt Lassen~
A tumbleweed just blew through my sex life. @posthumanist
~Illustration by:Â Matt Lassen~
Arguing with religious people is like trying to explain quantum mechanics to a potato. -Â Â @Schmoodles
~Illustration by:Â Matt Lassen~
My boyfriend asked for anal, so I alphabetized his DVD collection. @Schmoodles
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