Dear car commercials,
You probably don't mean to scare me but "German engineering" is also why I don't have as many cousins today. @trevso_electric
Team Twaggies's Blog Posts
The best thing about being single is sleeping around.
You can sleep all over that lonely bed of yours. Left, right, middle, whatever. @Paxochka
~Illustration by:Â Matt Lassen~
An impeccable outfit can easily be ruined by the default Nokia ringtone. -Â Â @Elephart
You offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore. -Â @TrolleyCat
~Illustrated by Bronwyn Lundberg~
Facebook = Star Wars, Twitter = Empire Strikes Back, Google+ = Return of the Jedi. MySpace = Stupid prequels. -Â @yoyoha
I just got caught peeing in the pool. I was so startled, I almost fell in. @CockShittington
~Illustration by:Â Pete Hillstrom~
I am sad and need you to ask why.  @EveryTweet_Ever
~Illustration by:Â Matt Lassen~
One of the worst things about being deaf has to be the inability to tell whether people are yawning or screaming @TheTobbie~Illustration by: Gideon Virgadamo~
I have a box of camouflage condoms. You'll never see me coming. @startyourcarter~Illustration by: Ingrid Doering~
Even Santa's feeling the pinch, I hear he's down to one Ho. @1surlygurl
~Illustrated by:Â Greg Smith~
I mixed together some leftover Fruity Pebbles, Lucky Charms and Crunch Berries, and now I know what it's like to give a unicorn a blow job. @clarkekant~Illustration by: Matt Lassen~
Can an objects name be any more ridiculous than the walkie talkie? Why aren't toilets called sitty shittys? Refrigerator foody cooly? -Â @mwilliamrice~Illustration by:Â Matt Lassen~
My Mom just called me a Son of a Bitch. Well played Mom, well played. @_Shizzle
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