Statistically speaking, the hood is usually the last place it's all good in. @MrsRupertPupkin

~Illustrated by Bronwyn Lundberg~

Lots of talk on the news about raw sewage. Seems like they could just say sewage. Nobody cooks that shit. @beingtheo

~Illustration by: Matt Lassen~

I liked the weather before it was cool. @TheNardvark

Every morning, I repeatedly press the cool button on my hair dryer, but alas, I'm still just a geek. - @resila

~Illustration by: Pete Hillstrom~

I stopped believing for a little while this morning. Journey is going to be so pissed when they find out. @Mac_Encheeze

Sometimes all you can do is throw your cowboy hat on the ground in a comical fashion, shake your fist at a varmint, and move on. @BillSleazy

In case you didn't hear the big end-of-year news last month, we inked a deal with GoComics! That means daily, syndicated Twaggies! If we get enough traction, they'll start to pitch us to newspapers and magazines... so how about helping us out and creating a GoComics account and "subscribing" to the daily twaggie, delivered direct to your inbox. We so appreciate all the support our long-time loyal fans have given us over the last year or two. Here's to big things in 2012!  

Marriage = Betting someone half your shit that you’ll love them forever. @NealBrennan

Probably the worst part about being a penguin is after you’re in an argument, you’ll try to waddle away angrily but still look adorably cute @HotEats

Hey moms! Here's a fun game to play: When your kid gets home from school, be lying on the floor screaming in pain, "YOU STEPPED ON A CRACK!" @Smethanie

"Table for Wan." - Lonely-Wan Kenobi - @DoubleBerg426

~Illustration by: Kevin Coffee~

Girls greet each other normally the way I’d act if I saw a friend who I thought was dead. - @alexjmann

Love in 2011 means answering each other's texts immediately. @Smethanie