~Illustration by:Â Gideon Virgadamo~
Dear Stroller Makers, Maybe make the stroller so it opens without having to wrestle it down. I'm a mom, not a lion tamer. Sincerely, Moms - Â @Alyssa_MilanoTeam Twaggies's Blog Posts
If your boyfriend/girlfriend has no texts in their phone's history, you're totally being cheated on.  @capricecrane
I'm outside Whole Foods asking people to sign a petition to stop people from standing outside Whole Foods asking people to sign petitions. @DamienFahey
@Matt_Silverman @StephMBuck well, there goes my "Pornterest" idea. I knew I should have patented it. @christerickson
I'd rather be dry humped by a gorilla than sit and listen to a girl talk about her boyfriend. @MarcusStricklin
~Illustration by:Â Matt Lassen~
Before you get all down on the human race, remember we’ve made a gummy form of almost everything. @Thethryll
I just took a shit in a public bathroom so quickly & silently that a ninja dropped through the ceiling & high fived me. @TequilaTears
Before making a bad decision it's always good to sleep on it. Not with it. @LewEvil
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