It looks nice except for the idiotic darkened windows.

Just take the damned shoes off the dog.

Good idea. I hope the mechanism isn't exposed like that when it is used.

There is some incongruity between eating poultry and making a prosthetic beak for a penguin, but I'm glad they fixed his beak anyway.

Wow, that's so ...
reasonable!

Dammit Grandpa, why didn't you have some of that testosterone cream. It's your fault I have a small weiner.

This sign would be most helpful for people who might otherwise let their dogs drink out of toilets or urinals.

Why is the sign only in English? Arizona is 27% Hispanic.

I'd love to see someone sue to force the city to have bilingual signs just to piss off some Arizona Republicans.

The assembly guy looks like his hands and wrists are getting fatigued. I'm waiting for him to get frustrated with a project and say "goddammit".

Let me guess: 8 miles per gallon?

The self making bed only takes up double the space of a regular bed! You shouldn't make your bed, anyway. Leaving it unmade lets the bedding dry better and that means less moisture for the dust mites that can aggravate allergies.

The best burned food is the iridescent carbon puffs from the syrup that drips out of sweet potatoes when they are baked.

My toaster works just fine and it's already paid for. When I used to smoke it came in pretty handy when I needed a cigarette but couldn't find my lighter, too.

Might not be so bad if you could still get a boner when you wanted one.

Damned right four year olds are negligent. They're childish, too. That's why we don't let them live alone and require them to have adult supervision.

The problem here seems to be with the quality of the adult supervision, and that's not the children's fault.

What were the parents thinking, letting them ride their bicycles fast on the sidewalk with an octogenarian neighbor around?

That's so funny I forgot to laugh.