Opt candy is the best kind!

"Don't sell that Subaru BRAT. You'll miss it when you're in your 40s."

Har! That green cloud made me laugh.

When I had a restaurant in China, I used to live in it. Why pay rent on two places when I can only occupy one at a time?
But I DID pay the taxes and my employees. (Wish I'd had some relatives who would work for free.)

"Pie almost wished he hadn't gotten involved"? I don't get it.

Not sure how decorating one's house is a way to raise any money.

I don't buy books. I just borrow them, read them, and then return them so that somebody else can read them. Thanks, public libraries! You're more than just a social hangout for bums.

Pro: That's exactly why I left Oregon and moved here. The house I bought in Texas was nearly 1/5 the price of the house I had in Oregon!

Con: South Texas is full of single guys. There are 3 of us for every 2 women here. Why don't any single women move to Texas?

First day of hunting season, guess which deer is going to stand out the most.

Pro: Women will instantly fall in love with you when they hear your accent. Con: Only the fat women.

What if one's passion is to work long hours at a dead-end job, doing busy work for an idiot boss and having zero impact on the good of humanity?

She won a prize AND she can control the weather! Or, wait a minute... is there another Ms. Munro?

Judging from the stumbling blocks in that first sentence, grammar seems to be shut down, too.