They could have given that poor robot a retractable kickstand. It never gets to rest.

This is exactly why computers were invented!

The silver lining of such a simple, nutrition-free diet: you save a lot of money by not having to buy much toilet paper.

I stopped reading Cracked when they thought it was cute to put a giant header that covers the upper 1/3 of the screen plus a giant footer-ad that covers the bottom 1/4 of the screen, leaving just a little sliver on my monitor to look through.

Wait, they come down? I thought they were built onto my trailer.

I don't get it. What's this got to do with Deadpool?

I don't get it. What's this got to do with Charlie Brown?

Don't want to brag, but I bought way too many onions at the supermarket (it's cheaper per pound when you buy 15 pounds). I didn't want any onions to go bad, which would negate the savings, so two days ago, I caramelized a bunch of them and made French onion soup. Yep, just over-achieving my way through life!

"I don't eat anything that starts with the word 'turd'." - Batman

Somebody did a lot of work renovating this bank, but who decided a 1-bedroom, 5-bath plan is a good idea? They could have made this a small apartment building with several units. Maybe then it would sell. Good luck to them finding a sucker with lots of money.

I never heard of grape-nuts ice cream, but that sounds really good. Like crunchy sprinkles mixed throughout it.

I don't get it. What do dishwashers have to do with flies?

A few months ago, I went to see Bryan Adams in concert. Bought the tickets online, which added 50% in 'fees' to the price of the ticket. That's the last concert I will go to, unless I can just walk up to a window and pay a ticket price for a ticket, without them adding 50% of fees.

Those were actual high school students?!? They look like the teachers.