Freya is dressing the dog up in clothes. It's times like this I seriously miss drinking :) @duncanriley (h/t @Marilyn_Res) 
"Please don't pick me. Please don't pick me. Please don't pick me. Please don't pick me. SON OF A BITCH!" (Lobster tank talk) - @YUCKYBOT
~Today's illustrator: Rebeccah Mary Hartz~
[portfolio_slideshow]
I love AT&T's slogan "more bars in more places." I just wish they were referring to the kinda bar I can get wasted at. - @YourFavWhiteGuy
~Today's illustrator:Â Donovan Santiago~ 
Some people are in love with the sound of their own typing. @oinkflap 
Nothing can destroy your self-esteem quicker than when someone points out someone they think looks like you.  -  @juliussharpe~Illustration by Anastasia Holl~
After landing on the moon, astronauts took many lunar samples but, ultimately, decided not to buy it @FakeScience
~Today's illustration: Liz Williams~
Someone's been sleeping in my bed, said Papa Bear. Someone's been sleeping in MY bed, said Mama. Why don't u share a bed?! cried Baby Bear. - @MikeLeffingwell
Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being "too farfetched". @DanaJGould 
"This is why we can't have nice things!" - Parents of the Kool-Aid man - @PaulyPeligroso
Today's illustrator is the wonderfully talented Donovan Santiago.
I can't tell you how many dates I've skipped because I had nothing to wear or wasn't asked out. - @MrsRupertPupkin
Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he'll eat for life. Give an octopus nunchucks, no one's ever eating fish again. - @sween
someone told me that the yellow ring around my pupils meant I was psychic, I said, "I KNOW." @therealzooeyd 
If I ever get abducted by aliens the first thing I'm going to do is shout "NOT AGAIN!" just to make them think someone in admin fucked up. - @MarylandMudflap 
