no. 629 - @bridger_w
Sadness math: 1 ferret = 17 cats  @bridger_w Sadness math: 1 ferret = 17 cats  @bridger_w Sadness math: 1 ferret = 17 cats  @bridger_w 
no. 628 - @TequilaTears
I just took a shit in a public bathroom so quickly & silently that a ninja dropped through the ceiling & high fived me. @TequilaTears no. 627 - @LewEvil
Before making a bad decision it's always good to sleep on it. Not with it. @LewEvilno. 626 - @Smethanie
If you spoon with a fat person, is it called ladling? @Smethanie no. 625 - @dannymch2o
Me: What's the capital of Ohio?
Son: ...
Me: It's also a famous explorer.
Son: Dora?
Me: Yep. Dora, Ohio. @dannymch2o no. 624 - @senorwinces
Illustration by @Robgog
Calling yourself "most trusted name in news" is like claiming to be the most handsome member of The Ramones. @senorwinces
no. 623 - @resila
no. 622 - @AmberTozer
Sometimes I run toward people & expect them to know that I want them to do the Dirty Dancing lift but they never know and I slam into them. @AmberTozerno. 621 - @erica_rosie
I just received a thank-you card from someone I sent a thank-you card to. Oh, it's on. @erica_rosie
no. 620 - @Molly_Kats
Dentist says I need to be more aggressive when flossing, so I’m going to start barking. @Molly_Katsno. 619 - @brentsisley
~Illustration by:Â Pete Hillstrom~
no. 618 - @BDGarp
no. 617 - @YUCKYBOT
no. 616 - @BJayNash
Is it weird to shout "Autobots Transform" when changing sex positions? Asking for a friend @BJayNash
no. 615 - @Smethanie
~Illustration by:Â Matt Lassen~
You know a relationship is starting to sour when the "I" gets dropped from "I love you."Â @Smethanie
