The Classic Batman Intro in Stop-Motion

An old instrument for the doctor to look inside your ears!

It looks like an industrail thread spinner.

Oops, got too excited to be first. Recycled Motherboard Frame if I win, please!

I'd say that it looks to be an early enema machine.

A flatulence diverter....

It is a lamp that uses animal lard, etc.

it's an old timey coke-zero and mentos propulsion system.

It's a candle recycler! You put a wick in the tall tube and put the candle in the little cup, after several have burned out, the unused wax has formed around the wick and you use the spike on the left to unmold it!

And I want/need the gallbladder plush! I need a new one, I had mine removed :(

Fart amplifier. Used in lieu of a foghorn on some remote costlines.

Ancient bidet!
Paddle faster shirt.

Sausage casing stuffer,
put the meat in the large hopper , place casing around small nozzle and push meat down and into casing.

I Blame Hipsters T-shirt XXL

clysters for everyone!

That is a rather rare and obscure instrument of torture.

Candle Holder. the last cookie 2xl

A still

After all these years, I wondered where my hyper pipe went to.

Something to do with cheese?

Oh right.

Remember Pillage Then Burn on Chocolate XXL.

Something made me see a candle on it and know that it was a clock of some sort. Combo candle/water clock?

looks like a candle holder and possibly a candle maker? put hot wax in the thingy to the right then when it hardens pop it out and mount it on the spike to the left. maybe thats it. these things always look like torture devices though.

It's a winder of some kind. The part on the right of the photo is for controlling speed. The stub on the left is for holding a bobbin/thread spool. By changing the ratio on the right, you can control speed of winding. Based on size, I would guess for winding thread spools. There would be an arm that sits on top of the spool, and has a set of graduated shapes like the piece on the right. My guess is the feed belt is on the top, with winding spindle above the spool.

it's a water fountain. some kind of cork stops the water and you take it out to drink.

if i win can you just give me 20 dollars off the samurai umbrella? i've been dying to have one.

if not, medium occam's razor shirt

Obviously a device for delivering suppositories

Dunno, but my proctologist has one in his office. Or is that orifice?

It is a device for, literally, blowing smoke up your arse!

(Nietzsche watch please!)

The pointed side holds a ball of wool and the tube is for pulling it out into thread.

http://www.neatoshop.com/product/Recycled-Circuit-Board-Clipboard

It is the Ronco "PILE DRIVER"(tm) home hemorrhoid treatment device. You lubed the small end with Popeil's "Butt-lube"(tm) and filled the large chamber with ice water. Then you sat on the small end and a small motor circulated soothing cold water through the machine. Also available: a "Clapper"(tm) compatible remote control.

Oh No it was Rocket Science! 2XL

Whatever it is, it looks painful.

http://www.neatoshop.com/product/People-Like-You (large size)

I believe it is a rain or wet snow guage.

It seems to be a picture frame.

It's a bunsen burner. The flame (left) has to be far enough away from the fuel canister (right) so it doesn't set it on fire.

I'd like the banana fruit jacket.

Water balloon filler.

GasX for the 19th Century. Especially effective after grandma's bean casserole surprise.

with this pattent pending release valve, to help silently alleviate the "surprise" part of the casserole, suddenly grandma seems a lot nicer. And you aren't scared of left overs any more.

-Warning- Not recommended for church or church attire.

I'd like a Robot USB Hub!

p.s. I love Miss Cellania's standard response :-)

Ear wax remover. Warm water fills the tall cup. Patient places ear over small upward hole while warm water flows into the ear. Wax and water then falls, not over patient. Simples.

http://www.neatoshop.com/product/Im-Not-Tense-Im-Terribly-Terribly-Alert 2XL Chocolate

Grease applicator.
BBQ branding iron, please.

It's a personal at-home enema device.
Arrogant bastard glass please!

Definitely an enema

Ah. Only the truly dedicated Neo-Victorians use the Steampunk rectal thermometer.

All the Tin Man wanted was a heart.

Manufactured by the same company that makes the Stanley Cup, this is the Stanley Hookah Pipe, awarded every year to the winner of the Beer Pong Tourney at Burning Man.

Cute but Psycho.

Can't believe no one got this. It's the Super version of the folding plastic drinking cup with the built in soft pretzel holder.

Venus De Milo night Light would bring back memories
of when I last saw her.

(I told her to stop chewing her fingernails)

It's a smelloscope!

It's the first sonic screwdriver, built by Thomas Edison.

If You Think Pushing 40 Is Hard ... T-Shirt, XL

Moka.

It's BPs original "Top Kill" scale model.

mmm - pi shirt in XL please

Looks like azlynch got it right.