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The Onion's Short Guide To Beach Etiquette

Unless you live near a beach you visit regularly you probably don't think much about beach etiquette, and that's okay when you're not at the beach.

Help lifeguards do their jobs by letting them know in advance if you plan to drown that day

But when you go to the beach, and the black socks under your sandals start to fill up with sand, it's time to get to etiquetting (etiquettery? etiquetness?) so as not to perturb the “locals”.

When using a portable radio or other music-playing device, keep the volume at a low level for all but the most epic of guitar solos

Having lived my entire life twenty minutes from the beach has taught me these “locals” aren't really local at all, but they still take their beach etiquette very seriously, that is, when they're not busy playing frisbee.

Shout “Heads up!” in the half-second before your Frisbee corkscrews into a crowd of sunbathers

Here's another handy tip for ya courtesy of The Onion, and if you decide to disregard those annoying beach "locals" don't forget the ocean is full of locals too...

Always loudly scream “Shark!” while standing at the edge of the water to ensure everyone is aware that so many species of sharks are endangered and will go extinct if not protected from commercial fishing

Read The Onion's Guide To Beach Etiquette here


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