The following article is from Uncle John’s Funniest Ever Bathroom Reader.
At the top of the superhero list, you’ve got your Superman, your Batman…and then way, way down the list, you’ve got these.
In 1982 artists at Marvel Comics—tasked with creating an Irish superhero—came up the most stereotypically Irish lass possible. Shamrock (Molly Fitzgerald) is the daughter of a militant IRA member and has long red hair. Her superpower: extremely good luck.
In this 1940s title, Richard Stanton is a famous actor whose daughter is kidnapped. To get her back, he dresses up like an old lady and uses his “acting skills” to fool the kidnappers into complacency before beating them up and rescuing his daughter. Thus was born Madame Fatal, the butt-kicking old lady who is really a man.
By day, Ada is the meek owner of a beauty salon in a small town in the Philippines (where the comic originates). At night, he eats a piece of “magic rock” (whatever that is) and transforms himself into Zsazsa—a muscular, curvaceous, crime-fighting woman.
In 1980 Casablanca Records, a disco label at the tail end of the fad, commissioned Marvel Comics to create a comic book about a disco singer-superhero. The plot: Alison Blaire is a law student who quits to become a disco singer, aided by her newly discovered abilities to generate light, to transform sound into pure energy…and to roller skate.
Wundarr the Aquarian
Introduced in 1973, this Marvel character was the first “New Age” superhero. Wundarr’s goal isn’t to fight crime—it’s to enlighten all of humanity with universal consciousness.
An Indonesian version of Aquaman, Aquanus can also breathe underwater and communicate with fish. But he can do something that Aquaman can’t—Aquanus can shoot rainbows from his belt.
Arm Fall Off Boy
This 1940s DC Comics character came here from the 30th century, and his name says it all: He has the ability to detach and reattach at will his own arms and legs, a power gained in an antigravity mishap. (When AFOB removes an arm, it makes a “plorp” sound, which seems exactly right.)
The article above is reprinted with permission from Uncle John’s Funniest Ever Bathroom Reader. It's a compiliation of the funniest ever Bathroom Reader articles and a few new ones. It's available in both the Kindle version and paperback.
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