Getting Fired on the First Day

Redditor roor1337 asked the question, “People who got fired on the first day of the job, what happened?” The 23,000 comments in the past two days contain some priceless stories. Some are sad or outrageous, but many about short-term co-workers are hilarious. Doxxboot gave us this scary story.

Used to work at a factory that made food stuff. Guy I was trained with fell into a big vat of wet ingredients that was about to be heated up. Had I not looked behind me, he would've died.

The boss went to the hospital to tell him he was fired but they were giving him some extra pay in his check.

And then Cosmic_Shipwreck supplied the punch line.

The job deftss had was so short he didn’t even go there.

They called me and told me I was let go for not showing up on my first day. Which was a surprise for me since at no point after the interview had I been told that I'd been hired.

A lesson on what not to do from stratospaly:

A guy showed up on his first day, went through orientation, then out for beers with his boss and a few others. His boss was talking about his 16 year old girl and the new guy straight face said "Is she hot?"... this was a 24+ year old dude. His first day was his last.  

PotatoLatkes had a great story.

Not me...but happened when I was working at McDonalds. New guy came in and when he saw that we were trashing patties if they had been sitting too long, he ate one...then he started just eating them from the supply...dude must have inhaled 10-12 patties over a couple hours after repeatedly being told to stop. Eventually, he started making himself a burger with the buns and eating it as well. Got fired first day on the job.

I'm still convinced he had no real plans of working and just wanted to see how many free burgers he could eat before getting canned.

That account was elevated to the top by a punch line supplied by Swastikock. There are plenty of other tales of workplace shenanigans you’ll no doubt enjoy reading. -via BroBible

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I kind of hate the "where do you see yourself in five years" question. Things change so fast, that there is no really good way to plan ahead, it seems. I sometimes want to say that I will be starting a new career in teleportation bandwidth management.
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Forget the job; just see how many interviews you can screw up during your vacation! Tip: When the interviewer asks the first questions start rambling on and on. See how many hours pass before they either tell you to leave or the interviewer has to leave to take a bathroom break.
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I'm a jerk, I know... but I always thought, being someone who works a comfy office job with 4 weeks of paid vacation a year, how fun it would be to get a low-level retail job during a week off without actual vacation travel plans... and to see how fast you could get fired for being the worst employee they've ever had. The stories you would leave the managers with would be compensation for their hassle. Heh. Can you imagine how slapsticky you could get at McDonalds if you didn't care about the job/paycheck at all? Then just go back to your "real" job the next week. Heh.

Yes, I'm a horrible person... I know. :)
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