Husband Sends Wife a Spreadsheet Detailing His Sex Deprivation

Today, Redditor throwwwwaway29 posted a file she says her husband sent to her email during her taxi ride to the airport to catch a flight for a ten-day business trip. The Excel spreadsheet enumerates the occasions he initiated sex with her in the past five weeks (plus one day, an added bonus). Her "verbatim" responses to said initiations are included in the record. She writes,

"Yesterday morning, while in a taxi on the way to the airport, Husband sends a message to my work email which is connected to my phone. He's never done this, we always communicate in person or by text. I open it up, and it's a sarcastic diatribe basically saying he won't miss me for the 10 days I'm gone. Attached is a SPREADSHEET of all the times he has tried to initiate sex since June 1st, with a column for my "excuses", using verbatim quotes of why I didn't feel like having sex at that very moment. According to his 'document', we've only had sex 3 times in the last 7 weeks, out of 27 "attempts" on his part."

The wife requests guidance from other Redittors, since her husband has not responded to her repeated attempts to contact him since.

There is no end to the things one could say about this situation. I guess I'll go with "at least he's well organized."

This is so sad. You know it's been going on a lot more than two months, or he wouldn't have started keeping track. And the manner he presented it, and won't return her calls, means he's tried to discuss it before, and didn't get anywhere. And now he's afraid of her response. It's like a Hail Mary move.
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My first question upon reading the spreadsheet was "What did he say or do, exactly, to initiate sex?" I suspect that around 50% of the issue is her drawing away, and another 50% or so is how he chooses to get her in the mood.

Speaking from my own marriage, I can usually tell if my wife might be receptive before I initiate anything, and I know how to initiate in a way that will make her more receptive. With this guy, we have no idea, since he only records her responses and nothing of how he chose the time and his actions in the initiation.

It makes me think this guy is probably going about it all wrong and is either hiding it or unaware of it.
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If the roles were reversed, and it were the wife trying to initiate and, for whatever reason, the husband wasn't in the mood, would anyone even think to blame the wife's approach? No, they'd all come down on the side of the husband for not wanting to be intimate with his wife. Don't misunderstand, I'm not defending this or dismissing the idea that the husband needs to approach it the right way, just pointing out how gender differences influence how we perceive these things. As a society, we always act like if there are problems in a couple's sex life, it's always the husband's fault, no matter what those problems are. Being that it's an shared act between two people, I think this is a terrible way to view things.
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  2 replies
Please! Just give him permission to go elsewhere - it's so much easier. I gave my husband carte blanche to get whatever he could (as long as he didn't embarrass me by being too obvious). He has a thing for actresses and country-girl types anyway - better them than me!

Who wants his old thing anyway? I have a young sailor who takes care of me when I feel the need - he's a little clumsy, but very eager to please.
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