Funny Reviews for The 2009-2014 Outlook for Wood Toilet Seats in Greater China

The Icon Group, publisher of past runaway bestsellers such as The 2013 World Forecasts of Artificial Guts (Sausage Casings) Made of Hardened Protein or Cellulosic Materials is back with the hottest book of the season. It’s The 2009-2014 Outlook for Wood Toilet Seats in Greater China written by master storyteller Philip M. Parker, Ph.D.

According to reviewer George Takei (yes, that George Takei), it’s the one book that you’ve got to read immediately:

For years I have searched for the perfect audio book project. "Shogun," some friends suggested. "War and Peace," I've considered. Or perhaps "Green Eggs and Ham."

But it wasn't until I stumbled, quite by chance, across "The 2009-2014 Outlook for Wood Toilet Seats in Greater China" that I knew. I KNEW.

Sure, the title and the first few hundred pages may seem off-putting. "What the f*@k is this?" Brad demanded, just 20 pages in. "It's like some kind of terrible grad school thesis."

But right around page 375, the OFWTSIGC (2009-14) becomes a white-knuckled, roller coaster of emotions--the sort we expect from world class thrillers. Indeed, just when you think the author has exhausted his dear readers, after what seems an unimaginably methodical survey of mainland China's wood toilet seat projections, he reminds us, ever so artfully, about GREATER China.

Taiwan. Macao. Hong Frigging Kong.

Now, admittedly, the near $500 price may be a bit daunting, but on a per word basis, it's quite a bargain. And imagine its uses! Senate Filibusters will never be the same. OFWTSIGC (2009-14) It also makes a terrific father's day gift for that dad who "thinks" he has everything. This will show him, huh.

Stephen Wilson agrees:

I picked this up off Amazon with little or no knowledge of the Chinese situation. It was all just a black hole to me. But, I must say that after a constipated start, I was riveted. Seeing the transformation of Xiao Ling through adolescence and the turmoil accompanying his parent's gastrointestinal issues until his later redemption at the ministry of lavoratory accessories was really moving to me. In fact, I don't see how anyone can read this and not be moved deeply and viscerally. I will admit there were parts that I strained to get through. There were other times that I wanted to gush over what was going on; flush with the excitement. […]

I must say that I was not equally enchanted with the movie version of this. While I normally like Samuel L. Jackson, I just did not think he was able to pull off Mei-Zhen, Xiao's older sister. Also, some of the funnier moments in the written version just did not come through on screen. I will add that the sequel to this "The Chinese Wood Toilet Seat that Kicked the Hornet's Nest" was not anywhere near the caliber and of the seminal first work.

Overall, I would highly recommend this. Don't listen to the "haters" of wood toilet seats out there. This one is a keeper!

Revolverlbc, however, gave the book this one-star review:

I'm not sure what all these rave reviews are about. I was just as excited as the next man to order this highly anticipated follow-up to "The 2002-2009 Outlook for Wood Toilet Seats in Greater China" but it left me flat.

It felt forced and unneeded. I think the author just wanted another pay day without having to come up with something original.

I can't believe they got Nicholas Cage for the movie... or I guess I can.

You can read more reviews here.

-via Ace of Spades HQ

(Photo of George Takei by Beth Madison)

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